MIL performance coughing/sneezing

[Pyrana]

MIL is staying with us until May 4th. She arrived weekend just gone and she’s driving me insane with her performance coughing and sneezing. When she coughs she will literally start pounding the sofa with her fists and stamping her feet hard on the ground. When she sneezes she literally SCREAMS horror film style and again punches something or kicks out. We have had two drinks kicked off the coffee table since Sunday. I really can’t cope with it for another two weeks, I constantly feel on edge waiting for the next scream. Plus it’s embarrassing, Monday she did it in the back garden and you could literally hear the neighbours instantly fall silent wondering what the hell the screaming was all about.

I’ve told DH to have a word but he says he can’t tell his mother how to sneeze. I’ve said if he doesn’t say something I will. AIBU?

Great description. My mum had exactly the same dramatic sneeze - and any coughing was always followed by fake retching.

I’m a loud sneezer. They are physically painful. as bad as they are for the people around me, they are worse for me. I burst a blood vessel in my eye a couple of weeks back.

i can’t do anything to stop it. I have 2 allergists to cover the scope and severity of my conditions. I’m on all sorts of medications. The insane sneezing is really the least of my worries.

i try to excuse myself from the room when I can, but I don’t always have warning. People who moan about bodily functions like this are just mean.

I know a whole family that sneeze very loudly and I'm so glad I don't live with them. It does put you on edge and it's so bloody unecessary.

Not sure what can be done, unless you're just straight with her and tell her it's stressing you out.

Oh dear, she sounds far too ill to be away from her own home. Maybe she ought to get home so she can take to her bed and rest? 😋

Is it for attention?
my mum came to stay last week and she has an irritating sniff / cough thing that she does.

I think it’s some sort of tic, possibly due to anxiety.

After everything she says she will either then do two quick little sniffs (they sound quite snooty) and seem to convey a “there, I’ve said it!” tone.

Or she will say something and then choke out these little (mouth open) barking coughs. Usually two of them. No hand over mouth. Nothing really coming up, it’s not a plehmy cough. You can hear that it’s not really required. It’s just the sound it generates. It’s like she can’t bear to have the sound of her own voice hanging in the air, so finishes every comments with the two little barky coughs.

its very, very difficult to deal with.

People are weird

diddl

How have you not burst out laughing or asked her wtf is that performance all about?

this- it sounds hilarious!!! Has nobody asked her a simple ‘are you ok?’

This is untrue

throat shape determines sneeze volume and I wish more people knew this because people are laughing and making fun of people who just can’t help it - it’s nasty ( in the mil case she may be milking it or she may just be hurting from the sneeze bug hey kick a woman when she is sore why don’t you )

@Mulledjuiceof course they’ll care!
She’s a noise nuisance with a look at me/pity me complex and it’s very annoying 🥲

What I've said is true, as I've witnessed them all sneezing quietly at church. I've known them for over 40 years.

And the fly kicking drinks off the coffee table? Is this also determined by the throat shape?

My thoughts exactly.
You don't want everyone to catch it, do you. 🤷

@Ponderingwindow and @andtheworldrollson

while that’s true to a degree, bellowing the word ‘Choo’ when you sneeze is optional.

When you feel it coming on, don’t tense up to try and stop it, relax and let it out while not shouting ‘choo’.

The ‘ah’ is a breath in, or series of breaths when you annoyingly can’t quite sneeze, the ‘Choo’ is a sharp expulsion of breath. Neither require the word to be bellowed.

I had to point this out to DH, along with not roaring ‘eurgh!’, while vomiting.

It’s not the force of the sneeze anyone minds. It’s the associated bellowing. Just don’t vocalise.

Agree with PP. next time she has a loud cough/sneeze I would gently say “That’s such a terrible cough and sneeze, I’m quite concerned you’re not very well and I do think it wouldn’t be best for you to stay any longer. I’m not sure my couch can take any more fist pounding anyway!”

This had me genuinely laughing out loud 😆

I'm sure I've read that people who were deaf from birth sneeze without much noise, it's partly learnt behaviour.

People absolutely throw their voices into it unnecessarily.

Is this performance new OP?
I'd have jumped and screamed the 1st time she did it from being startled myself.
Does she cover her mouth?

My MIL talks with her mouth full of food, so bits fly out all the time. One time she was eating a sausage roll and sneezed. She sprayed pastry bits all over the table, in my hair and onto my plate! 😡

and breathe.... @Pyrana

Only 18 more days but I do feel you lovely.

You recognise the irritation, so when it raises, just laugh (in your head)?

I've known some ''societies'' where women sort of suppressed sneezes and just make an aside delicate little noise! Not sure how it's done though! Does she cover her mouth? If not, she's spreading ''germs''.

🤣🤣🤣 the visuals of this has really tickled me.

You know that scene in Midsommar where Dani is having a crying/panic attack and all of the other girls copy her?

Do that.

Stamp. Bang the sofa. Spill a drink. Send the cat flying.

Do it EVERY time.

@tara66 I've known some ''societies'' where women sort of suppressed sneezes and just make an aside delicate little noise! Not sure how it's done though!

I'm not for a society that does this, but can easily suppress a sneeze to a very quiet sound. No idea when I started doing this, but I just assume its so others don't jump out of their skin by a massive bellow sneeze.

I mean, if it is genuine then she might have a medical condition and doesn't realise - like, it might be really painful for her and she doesn't realise it's normal? Grasping at straws. Could you go at it from that angle - 'MIL, have you ever been to the doctors about how violent your coughing and sneezing is?its clearly very uncomfortable for you' Sort of thing. If she's genuine then it might help her. If it's not then she might calm it down a bit. (And means you can go 'I really think you should see a doctor' every time she does it)

My family are almost all insanely loud sneezers, but we warn people! Especially in the car 😁