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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people who say “money doesn’t buy happiness” have never had real money?

187 replies

EdgyRobin · 16/04/2025 10:33

Poor people romanticising struggle is weird.

OP posts:
Trainrun · 16/04/2025 11:22

flapjackfairy · 16/04/2025 11:19

I think the saying health is wealth has a lot of truth.
No amount of money can buy good health for some ( although it can help alleviate symptoms etc in some cases no doubt ).
So I think if you are comfortable enough and are able to.provide for your families needs and have good health throughout your lifetime you have pretty much won the lottery of life.

True, but poverty and poor health also go hand in hand and if youndo have poor health, money might not be able to fix you, but it enables you to get better care and facilities/help to deal with it.

nearlylovemyusername · 16/04/2025 11:22

Mike Lynch springs to mind

Espresso25 · 16/04/2025 11:23

Money buys contentment.

Maddy70 · 16/04/2025 11:24

I dont know..
Not worrying about money mahes life easier but I have been in an unhappy home with lots of money and a happy home without two beans

Holidaysun2025 · 16/04/2025 11:24

35965a · 16/04/2025 11:04

I find the whole ‘I’d rather have good health than be rich’ weird. Plenty of poor people have bad health, they’re still skint on top of that. Any situation that’s shit is less shit when you have money. Always.

Totally agree.

FastFood · 16/04/2025 11:25

It's not that money buys happiness, it's that the lack of money can seriously make one unhappy.

Past a certain amount, there's no correlation between reported happiness levels and money.
But below that certain amount, the correlation is obvious.

I'm personally very happy, I earn good money but not millions, I don't have a big house, I don't have personnel, I don't go to holidays abroad six times a year, I don't buy designer's bags or shoes, but I earn enough and have enough savings so I'm not worried if my washing machine breaks, if I need to buy a plane ticket on a short notice, if I need to stomach a big bill etc...

It's being carefree with money that contributes to my general wellbeing.
I could earn the same money but have massive debt, or lead a too expensive lifestyle that leaves me frustrated, that would be different.

Doitrightnow · 16/04/2025 11:25

I agree that money can't buy happiness in many situations.

Having a massive mansion can be a millstone. Taking all your time to maintain. You might be happier in a small, manageable place.

Does having loads of possessions make you truly happy? I don't think it does beyond the necessities, hence people trying to declutter.

Does having the money to jet around the world but having no one to go with make you happier than a caravan in Norfolk with family who love to be together?

Or compensate for infertility?

I am much richer now than I was in my early 20s. But that's not why I'm happier now. I'm happier now because I have a loving DH and child and am secure within myself now. I wasn't really poor before, as in I didn't have to worry about the bills though.

I don't actually think many people would cope well with mega riches.

Never2many · 16/04/2025 11:25

So my eXH earns a six figure salary.

We had a big house, fancy holidays, I had expensive jewellery.

He was also emotionally abusive. Took naked pictures of me without my knowledge or permission, told me when we would be having sex and made sure it happened, moved me away from my support network, made sure I didn’t have friends and the list goes on.

I left him and became a single parent with a 10th of the income he has.

I’ve had money and I can categorically state that it doesn’t buy you happiness.

Laughinglama · 16/04/2025 11:25

My take on this statement is
If your poor and struggling day to day- money certainly improves your level of happiness. Less time is spent worrying about utilities, if something unexpected crops up etc etc.

if your comfortable financially then to a degree no it doesnt buy happiness, yes you can buy XYZ or book an extra holiday however you don’t have to worry about utilities etc so its not improving your life on that front.

What money doesn’t buy is:
Time
Health
Family/ friends

I recently had this conversation with BIL who is very comfortable in their lives however is always seeking more, this means he is now looking at working abroad for X amounts of months per year leaving at home wife and kids. But ‘its money, its X amount/ month’ and is completely blinded by the money.

Wife currently doesn’t need to work as income is stable from BIL’s business, they have multiple foreign ‘big’ holidays per year, live in a lovely house, x2 newish cars and don’t struggle day to day. BIL works on average 3 days a week and spends the rest doing hobbies/ with family. Yet he thinks more money will improve his life - each to there own but i can’t see in these circumstances how his life will be improved it will tally up to about 2/3 year working away.

Its all well and good having the money however no time to spend it.

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 16/04/2025 11:25

Money would enable me to get rid of my husband. (Seperated, still wrangling divorce and finances) I'd be infinitely happier.

Getitwright · 16/04/2025 11:26

Wealth can keep you alive, in so much as you are housed, fed, can have materialistic possessions, and not have to go through each 24 hour day as a grind, a chore, a desperate clinging onto health and life. But it doesn’t buy self esteem, respect, intelligence, etc….. Some of the richest people on Earth are thick, nasty, bigoted, unhappy, lacking direction, bored, willing to break the law to get the next “best thing”. That’s why you get very rich drunks, druggies, sex pests etc……. They have the wealth to pursue whatever vice they might want to try, will have people queueing up to be part of their “inner circle” hence the reason why rich men (and less well documented, rich women) can prey on the young and vulnerable, wannabes desperate to be part of the rich scene.

I would say the best kind of happiness, fulfilment possibly comes through having just enough, being wise and canny with your income, focussing on the important aspects of life such as making sure children are well cared for, sharing good times together, being able to ride through a few difficult times. Everyone wants a better life, for themselves, for their children, but contributing towards that achievement, being able to think, yes, I did that, I worked hard, I made the right decisions brings its own happiness. Real grinding poverty hardly seems to make life worth living, but wealth on a plate won’t always bring fulfilment. It might just kill you in a different way.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 16/04/2025 11:26

I generally find it’s mostly people that are , if not actually well off, then at least comfortable who say this.

Misery, illness, trauma, loss, bereavement also happen to everyone. While money can’t fix it, it can give you better chances/coping mechanisms/treatment and more often than not, the time and space to deal with those issues. While it can’t fix it , it can give you a fighting chance and opportunity.

EdgyRobin · 16/04/2025 11:28

BobbyBiscuits · 16/04/2025 11:20

I've only ever heard rich people saying it. A poor person wouldn't know, would they?

Money makes life easier in many ways. But there's plenty of depressed millionaires knocking about. Some very rich people have extremely stressful jobs with extreme responsibilities, some might have inherited wealth and feel they lack purpose in life as everything was handed to them.

Being absolutely on the bones of your arse is heartbreaking and incredibly depressing too, and I'd rather be crying in a Rolls Royce than laughing while living in a tent under a bridge.

But I don't think that you'll definitely be happy just because you're loaded.

Edited

Yep, exactly - I’ve also mostly heard that phrase from people who’ve never had to count every penny. It easy to say money doesn’t buy happiness when you’ve never been without it.

I agree that being rich doesn’t guarantee joy but I do think financial security gives you a softer landing when life does go wrong. There’s a big difference between dealing with sadness in safety vs in crisis.

And I’m with you - crying in a Rolls Royce might not fix everything but it definitely beats struggling to survive while trying to stay optimistic under a bridge. That line about millionaires being miserable is true but I’d still take a shot at solving problems with resources.

OP posts:
MinnieCauldwell · 16/04/2025 11:28

Money gives you choices, where to live, health care, education for your kids. I have been on the bones of my arise, I am now quite comfortable, I know what makes me happy!

Crikeyalmighty · 16/04/2025 11:28

It doesn’t in itself , but it does give you security and options to do things that make you happy - be that buying a nice house or lovely holidays- my mum once said it made being miserable a lot more tolerable -

Trainrun · 16/04/2025 11:28

What money doesn’t buy is:
Time
Health
Family/ friends

It does though. Definitely time, you can work less or pay for work to be done. Not being poor definitely lads to better health and if you are wealthy with poor health, you can have better treatment, care, facilities. Friends, not genuine perhaps, but having no money so you can never do anything or go anywhere doesn't help you make or keep friends either.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 16/04/2025 11:29

I don't think it buys happiness but it absolutely relieves one of life's many worries.

I'm not sure if absolute happiness is really achievable. I think you can be content but, as life is full of uncontrollable factors, contentment varies.

What money does give you is choice. And when choice is taken away, life becomes more restrictive and contentment dwindles significantly.

Tagyoureit · 16/04/2025 11:32

One of my old bosses always said that money doesn't buy happiness but it's certainly more comfortable crying in a car than on a bike when it's raining!

Odd but true, there is certainly a sense of relief not having to worry about putting food on the table or paying the gas bill.

Badbadbunny · 16/04/2025 11:32

Money doesn't buy happiness, but you can be a lot more comfortable in misery.

AlwaysWantingIceLollies · 16/04/2025 11:33

My in-laws are well off, living very comfortably with no worries. They come out with this bullshit all the time. We on the other hand, rent a shit house, live month to month on our wages, have no savings. I am one of those that checks my bank balance every day before going to the shops so I know how much I can afford.

I understand that rich people can be miserable, but I'd be extremely happy just to have the security that money can bring.

Bfmamma · 16/04/2025 11:33

I don't think money buys happiness as such. It does make life easier and takes away the stress of living pay cheque to pay cheque.
I am on the pay cheque to pay cheque and find it incredibly stressful balancing the pennies each month. However, I am very happy with everything else in our life.

flapjackfairy · 16/04/2025 11:34

Trainrun · 16/04/2025 11:22

True, but poverty and poor health also go hand in hand and if youndo have poor health, money might not be able to fix you, but it enables you to get better care and facilities/help to deal with it.

yes I agree. As I said it does help solve some health issues. But it can't help much if you have a terminal condition for example.

I suppose I was trying to make the point that some things cannot be bought no matter how much money you have and we often fail to value them because we live in a world where everything is valued by its monetary value .

EdgyRobin · 16/04/2025 11:35

Doitrightnow · 16/04/2025 11:25

I agree that money can't buy happiness in many situations.

Having a massive mansion can be a millstone. Taking all your time to maintain. You might be happier in a small, manageable place.

Does having loads of possessions make you truly happy? I don't think it does beyond the necessities, hence people trying to declutter.

Does having the money to jet around the world but having no one to go with make you happier than a caravan in Norfolk with family who love to be together?

Or compensate for infertility?

I am much richer now than I was in my early 20s. But that's not why I'm happier now. I'm happier now because I have a loving DH and child and am secure within myself now. I wasn't really poor before, as in I didn't have to worry about the bills though.

I don't actually think many people would cope well with mega riches.

Yeah I agree that happiness comes from much more than stuff and that a huge house, flashy travel, or luxury lifestyle doesn’t automatically bring joy. And your point about having loved ones to share life with is such a key one.

I guess my post was more about how the phrase “money doesn’t buy happiness” can feel dismissive when people are still struggling with the basics - rent, food, childcare, heating. For many, money would mean relief, breathing room and options - not yachts but just not constantly living in survival mode. That’s why I find it jarring when the phrase is thrown around too easily especially by those who’ve never really had to worry about money.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 16/04/2025 11:37

I don't think money can necessarily make you happy. It can make your life more comfortable. But being poor can certainly make you miserable.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 16/04/2025 11:38

Laughinglama · 16/04/2025 11:25

My take on this statement is
If your poor and struggling day to day- money certainly improves your level of happiness. Less time is spent worrying about utilities, if something unexpected crops up etc etc.

if your comfortable financially then to a degree no it doesnt buy happiness, yes you can buy XYZ or book an extra holiday however you don’t have to worry about utilities etc so its not improving your life on that front.

What money doesn’t buy is:
Time
Health
Family/ friends

I recently had this conversation with BIL who is very comfortable in their lives however is always seeking more, this means he is now looking at working abroad for X amounts of months per year leaving at home wife and kids. But ‘its money, its X amount/ month’ and is completely blinded by the money.

Wife currently doesn’t need to work as income is stable from BIL’s business, they have multiple foreign ‘big’ holidays per year, live in a lovely house, x2 newish cars and don’t struggle day to day. BIL works on average 3 days a week and spends the rest doing hobbies/ with family. Yet he thinks more money will improve his life - each to there own but i can’t see in these circumstances how his life will be improved it will tally up to about 2/3 year working away.

Its all well and good having the money however no time to spend it.

Time - money can pay for outsourcing things to buy you time. Cleaner, nanny, contractors etc. It can afford you flexibility in hours and patterns of work.

Health - again, from affording clean,safe ,stable housing rather than an overcrowded,damp and mouldy flat. Affording to have the heating when needed. Affording good , healthy food. Affording gym,holidays , hobbies that improve your mental health. And of course, affording better treatments, being seen on time, treating the cause rather than plastering over symptoms, preventative care etc.

Friends - it’s hard to maintain friendships (especially in groups) if you’re the only one that can only do walk in the park with a packup. Or the one that always suggests the cheaper/free options. Or the one that can never join in with an event, or offer practical help or do a nice gesture, or have the bill subsidised. Or the one that never has time to meet up because they can’t afford childcare or because they work all the hours under the sun to make ends meet.It can work for a while , but it’s never sustainable long term.

Again, you must be at least comfortable to not realise how much money can actually make a difference to all of those things and how many things we take for granted.