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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were out for a walk with your adult kids/DGC…

64 replies

oppieno · 15/04/2025 20:06

And you stopped at a cafe for a hot drink and a cake, would you always try to pay the bill if you could easily afford it? Especially if you knew they were on less money and had young kids. I don’t want to offend anyone who might be proud, but feel it is only fair and the kind thing to do.

YABU = no, it should be split evenly
YANBU = it would be mean to not pay if you are comfortable and they are your DC/DGC who you don’t often see

OP posts:
LuluDelulu · 15/04/2025 21:16

No, you should definitely pay. If you’re wealthier than your offspring then money really should flow down, not up.

GreatTheCat · 15/04/2025 21:24

I always pay for my adult son / DIL and GC. I offer, they mostly accept.

ScaryM0nster · 15/04/2025 21:26

I mean apart from anything else, if you’re likely to pay care fees or inheritance tax on your estate then it’s poor financial planning to not pay for them.

I’d say they’d be spoilt brats to expect it, but that it’s a nice treat rather than an insult for you to offer and do it most times.

doodleygirl · 15/04/2025 21:28

I pay,

theothersideofmidnight · 15/04/2025 21:30

Whether I can "afford" to pay or not, provided that the money's in my account, I'm paying! I don't get to see my family that often, so it's my treat to me to be able to make that small gesture.

MattCauthon · 15/04/2025 21:30

If we are out walking with the DC and my dad he considers it a Grandpa perk to be the one buying coffee and ice creams!

We do insist he lets us pay for other things or treat him at home etc.

AprilBunny · 15/04/2025 21:33

I don’t have DGC but I always pay when out with my adult DC. I send them home with a bag of groceries and some nice treats too.

Obvnotthegolden · 15/04/2025 21:34

I always pay for adult dcs and dgc.
My lovely mil always insists on paying but we can often convince her to go halves.

My own dm expects me to pay, very rarely offers to pay and I don't even see her that often. However she always pays for my db.

Can't imagine asking or expecting adult children or especially adult dgc to pay for me!

DaisyChain505 · 15/04/2025 21:35

If I could afford it, 100% yes every time.

AhBiscuits · 15/04/2025 21:37

My inlaws always pay if we go out anywhere. They want to and are wealthy. I think I will do the same for my kids.

YouBelongWithMe · 15/04/2025 21:37

I think it depends.

We were out on a walk with MIL this week (me, DH, two of our kids, 18 and 13). We stopped for coffee and cake.

She tried to offer but we pointed out that hers was only one of five of us. We absolutely expect to pay in situations like that. The bill was about £30 and she was only a fiver of it.

When I meet my parents for coffee I tend to take it turn about.

We both work f/t in professional roles, and we chose to have three kids. Our families should pick up the tab for our choices.

YouBelongWithMe · 15/04/2025 21:39

YouBelongWithMe · 15/04/2025 21:37

I think it depends.

We were out on a walk with MIL this week (me, DH, two of our kids, 18 and 13). We stopped for coffee and cake.

She tried to offer but we pointed out that hers was only one of five of us. We absolutely expect to pay in situations like that. The bill was about £30 and she was only a fiver of it.

When I meet my parents for coffee I tend to take it turn about.

We both work f/t in professional roles, and we chose to have three kids. Our families should pick up the tab for our choices.

But yes, I think I'll try and treat our adults kids and their families when tje time comes.

Just realised I didn't actually answer the Q!

Whoarethoseguys · 15/04/2025 21:40

I would always pay for my children and grandchildren

Aparecium · 15/04/2025 21:53

Absolutely I would, and do (dc, no dgc yet). My dad never lets any of us put our hand in our wallet when we are out together. Dh likes to pay his way, and he only gets to do that if he sneaks away from the table and pays before dad asks for the bill. But he doesn't do that very often as it actually upsets my dad.

lifemakeover · 15/04/2025 22:02

My parents always pay - I think they like to. As a PP said, it's quite nice to be looked after in that way (even as an almost 50 year old 😂). I hope to be able to do the same for my kids when they are adults.

DHs family don't do this - they split everything every time.

Epli · 15/04/2025 22:08

My mum usually pays but I do take her out as well. We earn similarly but she has much more disposable income.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2025 22:09

Your friend expects her own granddaughter to pay for her? How odd.

saraclara · 15/04/2025 22:20

I nearly always pay, but do let my DDs pay occasionally, when the bill isn't going to be a lot. I don't want to constantly patronise them, nor have them take it for granted that I'll pay.

BlueMum16 · 15/04/2025 22:23

My lovely Dad always paid for me and my DC even though I probably earned double what he did.

I hope I can do the same for my DC. I do at the moment but they are only just 18 and at uni so no regular job.

EmmaEmEmz · 15/04/2025 22:27

My mum always pays, even though I offer. My parents are financially comfortable whereas we aren't, and we don't get to see them often so she loves treating us

Threecraws · 15/04/2025 22:33

As a child I would never expect my parents to pay but also they would never allow me to pay. It does really depend on the family dynamics though.

Flossflower · 15/04/2025 22:45

We always pay for our children and grandchildren and have insisted it will always be like this. Our children are the ones with mortgages and their own children to pay for. If we go out as a whole family it saves hassle when the bill comes.

Ladyymuck · 15/04/2025 22:47

I always pay

DonewhatIcando · 15/04/2025 22:53

I always pay.
Dd and dsil do offer but I usually just say "my treat"
Their combined income is a lot more than mine but my mortgage is paid off, I have more disposable income.
They have a mortgage and a new baby.

Nina1013 · 15/04/2025 22:53

We pay for absolutely everything for my mum. We even put fuel in her car (that we also provide for her). However, she helps us out with practical things when we need her to, and we have a lot more money than she does. When we see her, we pay for everything - we also take her on holidays, weekends away and she has a credit card of ours to use.

She helped me out financially when I was a single parent, and I’ll never forget it, even though it was a very long time ago now.

When our daughter goes out with her Granny, she uses her Apple Pay (linked to our card) to pay for everything too.