Mother in law keeps touching my baby bump!

[Chocolateegg123]

Hi everyone

Just after some opinions to see if I was being unreasonable.

My mother in law and I get on fine but we definitely aren’t each others kind of person. We see each other a few times a year despite being local and it’s always pleasant enough. My husband isn’t particularly close to his mum either and sees her around once a month on average.

Since I’ve been pregnant she’s been a lot more interested in me which is nice enough.

Today, she came over and when I returned from coffee with a friend, I went to say hello and she went straight to touch my stomach without asking. She’s done this every time I’ve seen her but it is increasingly getting annoying just having someone touch my body without asking. So instead of letting her, my instant reaction was to back away from her and I held her hand and laughed awkwardly and made an excuse about needing the loo.

I feel bad and my husband seems a bit off now that I’ve told him but I think for me, I’d just reached the end of my tether. She’s never really been very lovey dovey towards me and this new physical affection is too much. Was I unreasonable?

TIA

YANBU.
Touch her stomach next time, that stopped everyone doing it to me when I was pregnant.

Nope not unreasonable at all.
I hated people touching my belly when I was pregnant unless it was a close friend.
She wanted to greet the baby not you. Just tell her you’re not comfortable with people touching your body.

Too many people see a pregnant woman as an incubator.

Yanbu. Being pregnant doesn't make you public property.

Ask DH if he'd let your father have a feel of his sack. It's got all his future grandchildren in it

I’m like this, I moan / complain about things that make me feel uncomfortable but don’t say anything at the time.

Next time she does it, stop her and say please don’t touch my bump - I don’t like it. And move on

My mother in law did it too.
She actually had a good old grab and was telling me about the position of my baby. Way she was doing it was pretty uncomfortable too. I backed away saying 'oh thats weird midwife was round yesterday and said the exact opposite'

Her hand followed even when i backed away.
I mean fucking hell noone thinks its acceptable to start touching someones stomach why does it change when you're pregnant??

She kept going on about feeling for the babies kicks and always wanting a feel.
Only time ibwas thankful for my placenta being in the way haha

i just used to - really really hard - slap people's hands away and then ask them if they would like me to just randomly touch them. With my slapping hand?

But for the sake of non-awkwardness going forward: tell her that you don't want anyone touching you, especially not if they haven't asked first. And if she does it again you will use force to stop it.

What's with all these crazy MIL's?!

Mine was the opposite - didn't even acknowledge my pregnancy at all, never asked me how I was, nothing.

I wouldn't like somebody touching my bump, that's very intrusive.

Don't feel bad, she's the one doing something wrong. She wouldn't touch you like that if you weren't pregnant, at least I hope she wouldn't, your body doesn't become less "yours" just because you are.

The next time she tries I would tell her politely but firmly not to. Telling someone not to touch you without your consent doesn't really require politeness but that would be my starting point. I would be equally firm with your husband that you are within your rights to tell someone not to do it and you don't appreciate his attitude about it.

I cringe every time I see someone touching a woman's baby bump.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this- she’s just being warm and wants to have a close relationship with you.

No she's not. She's invading OPs personal space and being completely inappropriate.

OP doesn't have to be OK with it because a random on the internet wouldn't have a problem with it. You can choose whatever boundaries you like for yourself.

The MIL's motives are irrelevant, she is touching another person without their consent and that person does not like it.

do you have children?
Do you teach them that people are not allowed to touch them without consent?

Yep mine did this and I felt extremely uncomfortable then not at the same time someone made a comment about touching bumps and she said " yes but it doesn't matter if it's granny doing it"

Touching someone's baby bump is a very intimate thing to do. I wouldn't expect anyone to do this to their DIL without checking first that it's OK. It's still your body, even though your joint baby is in there.

Your DH is wrong to be a bit off with you. I doubt he would like one of your parents to put their hands on his stomach.

I must be a weirdo because this sort of thing doesn’t bother me. Heavily pregnant at the moment. I think it’s nice people take an interest!

@ParsnipPuree but it's nothing to do with being close to op is it because she's not asking OP permission and it's her feeling or wanting to feel close to the baby

She's only interested in a grandchild, not you. Back away every time, say you feel uncomfortable with it

being pregnant means you can be touched without consent? Your bar is low.

is that applicable for both genders or is it just women who don't need to be told hands off unless you're invited to touch?

This is a really effective technique. People seem to think you're public property when pregnant and reflecting their own behaviour back at them makes them really uncomfortable.

If a family member wanted to give me a hug, I wouldn’t expect them to ask permission first. What harm’s being done? It comes from a good place and that’s all that matters.

no but if they went to do it and you didn't want it surely you can indicate that you don't want it and if they don't take the hint then you can refuse?

YANBU OP. I had this a few times and I strongly disagree that it's the same as hugging. There was one incident during my second pregnancy where a lady in public, who clearly had some cognitive impairment or different mental age etc, very suddenly went for my bump. I reacted very defensively (nothing physical or aggressive but it shocked me and I sort of yelped 'no'), and the lady's friend/carer really shouted at me for not being understanding. It upset me and set my heart racing for a while after. I realise she probably didn't mean any harm but I always felt very vulnerable when pregnant, particularly given that my babies all had health issues in utero, and unwanted touching can feel really very invasive.

She's being unreasonable touching you without even asking. She's really overstepping your boundaries here. She's doing it repeatedly so it's time to get blunt and serious about it. Tell her to keep her hands to herself.

I hated people touching my abdomen when I was pregnant and I would snap at them if they tried it more than once.

Adding, she is treating you like an incubator. The hell with that.

I feel you OP. My MiL kept touching my bump without asking and once pulled up my top to show it to neighbours (unaware that I'd reached the point of not being able to do my jeans up so flashed my black lacy pants to her neighbours and my FiL). I found buying a top that said "Hands off the bump" and wearing it whenever I saw her did the job quite nicely!

Total strangers would pat my bump. It got less common with later babies but it happened all the damned time with my first.

It was almost “the done thing” in my mum’s day. Thank goodness it’s becoming less acceptable to touch pregnant women now.

Just tell her you don’t like having your body patted.