Mother in law keeps touching my baby bump!

[Chocolateegg123]

Hi everyone

Just after some opinions to see if I was being unreasonable.

My mother in law and I get on fine but we definitely aren’t each others kind of person. We see each other a few times a year despite being local and it’s always pleasant enough. My husband isn’t particularly close to his mum either and sees her around once a month on average.

Since I’ve been pregnant she’s been a lot more interested in me which is nice enough.

Today, she came over and when I returned from coffee with a friend, I went to say hello and she went straight to touch my stomach without asking. She’s done this every time I’ve seen her but it is increasingly getting annoying just having someone touch my body without asking. So instead of letting her, my instant reaction was to back away from her and I held her hand and laughed awkwardly and made an excuse about needing the loo.

I feel bad and my husband seems a bit off now that I’ve told him but I think for me, I’d just reached the end of my tether. She’s never really been very lovey dovey towards me and this new physical affection is too much. Was I unreasonable?

TIA

she is your MIL
you could cut her some slack, she is not a total stranger!

no its not a "we" situation. You may have felt that way but don't speak for others.

irrelevant. If you don't like something, you don't like it!

Not quite the same LOL!!

Nobody touches me without permission. Even all the healthcare workers who were doing stuff to me all the freaking time when i was pregnant at least told me they were about to touch me, or asked me if i was ok with being touched in x place.

When someone is going in for a hug, you can usually tell. And if you don't want to, you step back. In those cases i step back and hold my hand out for a shake or fistbump. Followed by "i don't hug". If they try it again, 2 steps back, no handshake and "I TOLD YOU I DON'T HUG"

I have very little tolerance for people not keeping my boundaries - i tell them once, then i slap hands away.

Only because we’ve decided as a society that a breast is sexual and a belly isn’t. It’s still feeling someone’s body against their will.

I detested anyone touching my bump when I was pregnant. If somebody asked me if they could I generally said yes. But to touch without asking NO!!

Surely breasts are sexual for more than societal reasons, they are errogenous zones. Surely strangers touch each other alot when helping each other.

It's the same as how some people don't mind hugs with a range of people and others find it awkward. Neither is weird.

Well I would definitely ask my DC I wouldn't just touch.
I would have happily let my DM touch at will.

It wouldn’t bother me, but that doesn’t matter. It’s your body and you have autonomy over it. Ask her politely not to touch your bump. If she does it again, don’t be polite.

You can certainly step back and squeeze her hand in a friendly way without being rude whenever you don't want to be touched.
If it feels OK, you might one day say 'I felt the baby move; would you like to feel?' You inviting her might feel very different from her encroaching, and would reinforce the message that she needs permission.

but touching her is rude - why not fight rudeness with rudeness to drive the point home?

Hmm, not to derail, but your logic is off (imo obviously). Of course there is a difference between touching someone's tummy and touching their breasts. Of someone touched my bum uninvited, I'd be a lot more annoyed than if they touched my shoulder.

Not the point though as op isn't comfortable with it. She should tell her MIL directly "Janice, I am not comfortable with you touching my belly - could you stop doing that please?".

However I'm sure MIL means no harm and she is hardly sexually assaulting her (which is how I would feel if someone touched my breasts to ask about "milk for the baby" 🤢 as you suggested was the same thing / as bad as touching someone's bump)

Of course it isn't all that matters!

The OP doesn't like it - That's what matters!

Of course there is a difference between touching someone's tummy and touching their breasts.

ah, so now we're just quibbling about exactly which body parts can be touched against your will, and you're a big ol' meany if you don't like it?

Don’t be so ridiculous. What is wrong with that????

I've been avoiding my MIL for the same reason, she invades personal space too much and can't grasp social cues.

I've seen her once since pregnant and it was outside so could keep my big coat on 😂

1. What the OP describes is not help.
2. If you are talking about people in first aid situations, when I did my training, I was taught to TELL people what I was doing as I was doing it wherever possible, even if the person appears unconscious.
3. Strangers who touch strangers without agreement when they are "helping people" need to be careful. Its been known for a unconscious stranger to come to swinging and badly injure an unwary helper.