Midwife trying to put me off C-Section

[pinkribbonbon]

Had an appointment recently (28 week one) and told midwife that I’d like a C-Section. I’ve had two natural births and nearly died both times for various reasons and complications. So I’m very high risk for birth. I’ve researched a lot and decided on a C-Section even though I know it’s still high risk (either way is). The midwife started going on about lots of c section related things and said ‘ I don’t have the facts and figures, but it’s definitely linked to an increased likelihood of obesity and asthma for the baby’, without the evidence to support that, how it’s going to change my body forever and if I need another operation in that region it makes it much more complicated, how the surgeon could accidentally cut the babies face, how it’s not good for baby’s lungs and immunity. The thing that’s annoyed me is that none of her advice was specific to my circumstances, and she kept saying how its not a walk in the park- of course it’s not and I’m aware that recovery can be a lot harder, but the fact is I nearly died twice naturally anyway and I’m traumatised. But she kept going on about how it’s not a good idea to have one ever unless absolutely necessary. AIBU to be annoyed? Especially as she said things that were scientific but said that she doesn’t know the facts and figures, I don’t see how that’s helpful. Also, to reiterate, none of the stuff she said was tailored to my circumstances or risks.

I’m not sure if this is relevant or not, but with my second, one of the midwives said to the other ‘do you think that placenta looks complete’ and the other one said ‘yeah that’s fine’. Guess what? Wasn’t fine, left some placenta in which got very infected and I was very unwell. It’s highly unlikely (although possible) that the surgeon will leave some of my placenta in and this is something I’m worried about happening if I went natural. That’s just one thing of many that went wrong though.

Sounds like she was outlining the generic risks of a CS - which I am guessing she is obliged to do.

I had routine surgery under a GA the other week, and they had to outline the risks (blood clots, stroke, and death) .. despite it being highly unlikely.

Guess it stops them being sued by people claiming “they didn’t know the risks)

Ask to see a consultant and get the c-section agreed. I requested a C-section, consultant needs to be sure I understood risks. I read the NICE guidelines and read up on the risks of C-sections and vaginal births and decided that a C-section was right for me.
The consultant was fine with it and actually several midwives said it was a sensible choice. I had the date agreed before my anomaly scan. And if I had gone into labour earlier I just had to let them know and I would have had a c-section then.

I would look to change your midwife if at all possible. DS was an emergency c-section and has had absolutely no problems with his lungs or immunity. Yes he picked up the standard bugs doing the rounds at nursery and school but that’s all. He’s now a strapping 23 year old without an ounce of fat on him.

My section recovery was fine, minimal pain and I was up and about quite quickly. In fact I was a lot more mobile than some of my friends who had difficult natural births.

Stick to your guns and if this midwife isn’t supportive then ask for one that will support your perfectly reasonable decision due to previous issues.

I'm so sorry for your past experiences of childbirth - that sounds HORRENDOUS! Having never experienced natural childbirth I can only speak to a planned C-section being a wonderful experience! The baby is born when planned as you are booked in, yes you will have stitches or staples but then most women end up with stitches after childbirth, you are able to sit on your bum comfortably as you haven't just passed a small human through your birth canal! Only downsides I can say is you have to be careful sitting up from lying down not to do it too quickly in the beginning but apart from that my experience was much better that alot of my friends who either had completely natural childbirths or a trial of labour and ended up with a c-section. A planned c-section is the best option in my opinion.

@ExtraOnionsthat I understand, but she literally said that it’s not a good idea to have one unless absolutely necessary ie life saving (which it actually could be in my case). Unless they’re supposed to say that? Sorry, not getting on at you, just upset.

She is probably obligated to share certain information if a patient asks for a c section but maybe she laid it on a bit thick. The recovery is very hard but if you know in your heart it's what you want then stick to your guns. I tried to give birth the conventional way and would have died had I not been in a hospital as it ended in an EMCS. If I decide to have a second I'm going for an ELCS. I'm sorry you've been through so much trauma. You don't need anyone's approval, apart from your own ❤️

@Iheartmysmartthank you for sharing your experience. She isn’t actually ‘my’ midwife, my one has left and she’s just standing in, I have my new one the next appointment. But she wouldn’t even put on my notes that I’d asked for one, she said to not decide anything yet.

Thank you @ThatFairDeer, I really appreciate it 💜

@SurprisedcupcakeI totally understand that but it was honestly like she was really trying to convince me not to, not just advise. Thank you, I’m sorry you had a rough time as well 😓💜

My planned c section (no medical reason - just my preference!) was wonderful. I was home the next day and recovery was so quick. Baby (now two) absolutely fine.

It sounds more like her personal opinion rather than a well thought out assessment of the risks in your case.

She can't gatekeep a CS, you need to talk to your GP, and I think you need a new mid-wife, you don't need her judgement.

Ignore her. My midwife agreed with my decision to have a c section (I needed one regardless for medical reasons). She herself is having an elective c-section.

She should be sharing factual information. never heard about it increasing the risk of asthma, I’m sure there’s probably some tiny study somewhere which showed a link but I mean statistically significant factual information….i don’t believe that any nice or rcog guidelines mention about an increased risk in asthma.

most important thing though is that the midwife should be promoting individualised holistic care and empowering women to be able to make informed choices and advocating for those choices if needed. Doesn’t sound like this is happening. Midwife sounds very biased. Sometimes what is actually better on paper/from a stats pov is not better for that individual woman. And that includes considering non physical reasons for their choices.

she needs to be referring you to a consultant for a birth choices discussion.

Sounds really frustrating and unhelpful! Speak to your consultant as they will be able to counsel you and book you in for this.

And so sorry for your previous traumatic birth experiences.

You need to get a little bit stroppier with her. I would have sat there and told her I wasn't leaving until I could see she had put the request on my notes!
I had midwives horrified that I wasn't going to breast feed, I understand they have to give the talk etc but the way they talked to me made it sound like I was planning on feeding the baby bleach or something....
In the end, every single time breast feeding was brought up I just said I had made my decision and was no longer prepared to talk about it.
You have to advocate quite strongly for yourself when pregnant otherwise midwives and nurses will trample all over you.

You have a legal right to an elective C section in the UK. Go for it. Your midwife sounds dreadful but there seems to be a trend for midwives at the moment to discourage pregnant women from planned sections. A family member wanted one due to family history problems and her midwife was very negative. Ended up as an emergency section and the baby only survived due to the efficiency of the hospital team. The baby is fine now with no sign of asthma or obesity.
Sounds like your midwife is talking crap and deserves a complaint. Definitely insist on your C section.
Interestingly over thirty years ago when I was very pregnant I was talking to my GP about how anxious I was about my impending birth and he offered me a section without me having to ask. I turned it down, retrospectively I should take taken it as the birth ended up being traumatic and it took me a long time to recover from it.

My friend is a GP - she had elective sections with both her babies. Her exact words: "natural childbirth is barbaric - why would I put myself through that?"

I had one emergency section and one elective and the elective was a fab experience and a much quicker recovery than the emergency one.

Your midwife sounds, quite frankly, shit. I'd complain about how she treated you - scaremongering and refusing to put your request in your notes! Disgraceful.

Please report her to PALS.
It is your right to request and have a C section, and this midwife’s unsubstantiated claims are not useful or following NICE guidelines.

I had a consultant who tried to ‘put me off’. I had to keep pestering because they agreed (because they have to) but then kept telling me that they would only book me in for one from 42 weeks ‘unless space becomes available’. It took my husband ringing and laying into them before magically a spot appeared that week (i was 39 weeks pregnant). I was cross but then again I have been cross with many aspects of my pre and postnatal care! Maybe I just expected to be treated as a competent adult and that was too much 🤣

You can ask to speak with a professional midwifery advocate, they are midwives who have trained as a pma. They are there to support you with birth trauma and choices about your pregnancy and birth. If you can't find contact details online then ask your maternity unit to supply you with them.

It’s a tough one. I think if you have risks that mean you’re likely to end up with an emergency C-section - I would always recommend planning it rather than risk an emergency. The recovery of an emergency is so much harder than an elective. Plus it’s so much more stressful and traumatic. Everyone who chose to have a C-section thinks it’s a great experience, emergency is hell on earth.

i don’t understand why you would willingly choose to have a C-section if there are no risks involved. I’m 6 years post cesection and I have an overhang on my belly that despite being thin, I have a huge stomach that the weight can’t shift. I have a f’d up bladder because the clamping of it during the C-section has caused me to have all sort of issues. I had an emergency and I couldn’t hold my baby as I was shaking so much from the medication, I was numb and couldn’t even hold my baby when he first come out. I also got sepsis from my wound - something of which a natural birth doesn’t carry the risk after of your wound getting infected.

i also couldn’t physically sit up to get my baby. I was in agonising pain for weeks and I couldn’t function properly due to the pain, let alone care for my baby on top of it - I was literally being tortured.

im all for free choice, but unless there are risks I would never recommend to a healthy woman with no previous issues in pregnancy to have a section

@beesandstrawberries I'm sorry your section was so traumatic. I had a cat 1 emergency section and there were very few differences between that and the planned one I've just had... Both times I was up and walking within a few hours, no significant issues either, no infections, and no agonising pain. In both cases, I had just paracetamol and ibuprofen offered, and was off both by day 4. The only real difference was how fast the first one was, the second felt like I was "waiting" in theatre forever before she was born. I definitely couldn't describe either as hell, in any way.

You are right about the overhang, and I'll be honest, despite always knowing a section was a strong possibility for me, I'm gutted I'll never be able to have a natural birth. I'm not sure it's an easy out and I do think midwives have to be more honest and brutal about the risks these days as so many people are opting for them. They may be common but they are still major surgery!

I hope you're healing up okay.

Please, with your past experience, please stick to your guns and insist on them taking you seriously!

I was encouraged to have a VBAC with my second, after a very prolonged labour leading to an emergency Caesarean with my first. That first time, they described what was going wrong but didn’t give it any kind of name, so I had no idea how likely it was to happen again until it happened again! This second time, they used the actual diagnostic term, so it wasn’t until I googled it weeks later that I discovered that it was a condition which was highly likely to be repeated and I should have been advised to have an elective. I was never, not once told and of course I trusted the team looking after me and so didn’t think there’d be any problem. I didn’t even think to ask for my notes from my first to check up on anything!

So, I suffered another protracted (days) labour with an emergency operation at the end of it, increasing the risks, increasing my recovery time and increasing the pain of just everything, when I could have just gone in and had a much easier time.

This was nearly 14 years ago. Can you tell I’m still quite cross about it? Don’t be me. Be strong.

Stick to your guns. I had a horrible experience with my first that ended in a full spinal block and forceps and PTSD. I was adamant I wanted an elective CS with my second and nobody contested it - the consultant even said that in my position she’d be doing the same thing. It was absolutely the best decision I made. I wasn’t sleep deprived when I met my baby, I wasn’t traumatised, and I recovered a lot faster than with my first. Plus the surgeon did a fab job at stitching so I barely even have a scar!