Midwife trying to put me off C-Section

[pinkribbonbon]

Had an appointment recently (28 week one) and told midwife that I’d like a C-Section. I’ve had two natural births and nearly died both times for various reasons and complications. So I’m very high risk for birth. I’ve researched a lot and decided on a C-Section even though I know it’s still high risk (either way is). The midwife started going on about lots of c section related things and said ‘ I don’t have the facts and figures, but it’s definitely linked to an increased likelihood of obesity and asthma for the baby’, without the evidence to support that, how it’s going to change my body forever and if I need another operation in that region it makes it much more complicated, how the surgeon could accidentally cut the babies face, how it’s not good for baby’s lungs and immunity. The thing that’s annoyed me is that none of her advice was specific to my circumstances, and she kept saying how its not a walk in the park- of course it’s not and I’m aware that recovery can be a lot harder, but the fact is I nearly died twice naturally anyway and I’m traumatised. But she kept going on about how it’s not a good idea to have one ever unless absolutely necessary. AIBU to be annoyed? Especially as she said things that were scientific but said that she doesn’t know the facts and figures, I don’t see how that’s helpful. Also, to reiterate, none of the stuff she said was tailored to my circumstances or risks.

I’m not sure if this is relevant or not, but with my second, one of the midwives said to the other ‘do you think that placenta looks complete’ and the other one said ‘yeah that’s fine’. Guess what? Wasn’t fine, left some placenta in which got very infected and I was very unwell. It’s highly unlikely (although possible) that the surgeon will leave some of my placenta in and this is something I’m worried about happening if I went natural. That’s just one thing of many that went wrong though.

I had a planned C section for DC2 because I was feeling so anxious about delivery after my first (induced) birth. The consultant was very helpful in giving me information about the relative risks to help me decide, and honestly it felt like a weight had been lifted once I was booked in.

VMMV but the experience was wonderful and I now finally understand what people mean when they say the day their DC were born was magical, happiest day of their life etc. The recovery is different for everyone but in my case it was so much better than my first delivery. The main difficulty (I found) was getting to a sitting position from lying down but there are plenty if threads on here with some good tips for aiding your recovery. And bear in mind that a lot of people don't have any other frame of reference when talking about how painful the recovery is, eg people saying it's awful going to the loo because of worries over the stitches- at least the C section stitches aren't in your undercarriage!...

Agreed. Speak firmly and clearly. I had some great midwives but the couple who weren’t got treated to my head of department voice. I don’t normally use it but if someone is trying to bulldoze me into or out of something, I use it. Both backed down straightaway and I realised how different the treatment can be depending on how much authority a pregnant woman can display.

I had a cs for DS2, advised by the consultant who saw me after an incident at my 42 weeks appointment. It went very well. You’re going to need to practise saying what you want and being politely but firmly insistent.

I had elective sections with both of mine, I’m a medic so I even transferred my care to where I work, I had some comments from the community midwives, I just rolled my eyes at the catty ones.
you’re entitled to an elective section, a consultant doesn’t have to agree to give you one, but then you just ask for one that will. ign the comments of that midwife, stick to your guns. Good luck.

Forgot to add op, if you do have an elective c section and show any signs of labour or dampness, go straight to the antenatal unit.

Woke up feeling very damp and the midwife on the phone tried to fob me off saying I must have pissed myself and not to come in. 🙄I did anyways and turned out my waters had gone. Within an hour of going in, labour started very quickly. They did keep offering if I wanted a Vbac (despite the consultant saying they would have recommended a c section anyways due to narrow pelvis and pelvic adhesions). Ended up bleeding so they rushed me in for emergency c section.

What piss poor care. She's supposed to advise you of all the risks and benefits, which includes the risks of attempted vaginal birth and the benefits of ELCS as well as vice versa. If she didn't have numbers to hand, that's one thing, albeit I'd expect a midwife to have some idea of the basics of NICE guidance on the matter. But she completely failed in her responsibility there.

Agree with posters who say you need to get stroppier.

I had a section and really wish I'd pushed harder to not have one. It was horrible, the recovery was awful, and I'm worried it's affected my ability to have more children. I still can't wear normal pants, I have to wear granny pants as normal ones rub the scar and hurt terribly, and of course there's a whole horrible scar on my belly when I look down in the shower. Looking after a new baby with a sliced open middle was agony, I could barely get up and down the stairs in the house, and sitting up in bed to respond to crying was a nightmare. My friends who had normal births were going on lovely walks the day after, while I was hobbling around half hunched for weeks. There's no other surgery where they give you paracetamol and tell you to just get on with it afterwards!

Ignore her, she was probably just box ticking. Keep calling or go through your GP to see a consultant.
When I was pregnant with DC2 the midwife was totally dismissive about a planned c-section even though DC1 was an EMCS and the birth debrief midwife said don't try a natural birth again (near tragedy). The moment I saw a consultant at 20 odd weeks we pencilled in the CS date.

Just keep calmly stating what you want, OP. Let them talk, then “I think I’m still going to opt for a planned CS, but thank you for the information, I appreciate it”.

You’ll always get pushback on an elective and you do have to advocate for yourself. There are ostensibly higher risks and it’s also a much more expensive and resource-heavy procedure and recovery follow up for the NHS. But if it’s what you want, stand your ground.

I had a very traumatic first time round with DS - huge baby, stuck in the wrong position, long labour culminating in him nearly dying, emergency section and me in the ICU having a blood transfusion. Horrible. PND as a result.

Second time I insisted on an elective. It was a very different experience - calm, quiet, music playing. DD born into a very lovely atmosphere, and DH & I able to be very ‘present’ for the experience.

We had to wait 12 hours from the scheduled time because you get bumped every time there’s a higher need case, which was obviously fine and no hardship. And a young doctor went out of her way to seek me out while I was waiting for surgery and give me a proper telling off in the manner of a disappointed teacher, informing me my choice was ‘ridiculous’ and she could have delivered my baby ‘easily’ - which I thought was very generous of her, given she’d be doing feck all of the actual delivery except pulling DD out in the last 10 seconds.

The recovery time was challenging and took a while, but that was only because they’d had to cut around and correct a lot of the scar tissue from the first butcher job. First time round shouldn’t be too bad though. So net positive for me and absolutely zero regrets.

Both my kids are happy, healthy young adults doing well in life. Do what’s right for you @pinkribbonbon, and don’t let anyone make you doubt your choices.

Not sure if this is just me overreacting but I'm surprised how mild some of these responses are ... to me this sounds absolutely bonkers.

Was she really just outlining generic risks
of a csection? I was never told any of this stuff when I had mine!

Maybe I'm wrong but to me this sounds utterly outrageous and like she was trying to put you off having a section from her own personal opinion. If the consequences were really this dreadful you wouldn't be able to have an elective section. This midwife sounds positively dangerous to me. But again, maybe I'm wrong!

Please don't make any choices until you've had more opinions from other medical professionals. So sorry you had this experience!

They discharged me with oramorph both times after my sections. Sorry to hear your recovery was painful.

I had this. My midwife (who knew the history) had a leave of absence. The replacement just gave generic facts and platitudes rather than specifics about what in my case would be done differently. Presumably because they didn’t want to admit the errors in care. Whilst making incredibly judgemental comments.

I just stood my ground, as my username says, and said the child would not have been conceived had c-section had not been how it was to be delivered. (This had been agreed in the follow up care after first child was born).

”Did i know i would have a scar?” Was my favourite stupid comment - no shit Sherlock.

I had c-section. The recovery was easy. The neat scar is below a hairline.

My mistake, we have a different maternity care model where I live, and these discussions would be completely expected with a midwife.
An obstetrician would obviously be included as a next step.

I should edit this to say, I WAS of course talked through the generic risks and figures before I had the surgery but definitely not given random half facts to try and put me off when I was deciding what to do!!!

Honestly ignore her. Assume you are under consultant care with bad births previously. If you are in UK just advise the doctor you will be having a c-section. Is your choice and not up for debate. I had two emergency sections / recovery was ok. And one planned - was marvellous. Recovered much quicker

Sounds like she took the advice she’s meant to give (making you aware of the risks) and completely overdid it/was a bit of a twat about sharing her opinion rather than facts.

I had a purely maternal choice C section for my first (only) baby and they made me jump through some hoops in a clear attempt to put me off. But ultimately I just kept mentioning NICE guidelines, insisting to see the consultant, and pushing to have the c section booked. It wasn’t booked until 36 weeks, but I was like a dog with a bone and eventually it was sorted. Given your history, I’m shocked they’re putting up any resistance at all!

Report this midwife. No facts or figures for her claims - sums it up really. No one has the right to scare you out of your informed choice for giving birth. She sounds not fit for her job.

I agree with you. I would have ever so politely told the midwife to fuck off. I’ve come across a few midwives who are so anti c-sections, with all due respect they are not doctors / surgeons. PS after 3 sections I’m not fat and kids don’t have asthma. Nonsense. Yes it’s major surgery and you need to be prepared to recover but honestly I think it’s less dangerous than childbirth. With my first baby would have definitely died and maybe me as well.

I knew from day 1 that I wanted a section for various reasons so I asked to see my consultant, outlined all my reasons, spoke about my extreme anxiety and fear and she couldn't have been nicer. She's obliged to outline the risks but she said herself that a c section recover is a breeze compared to a big tear. You have every right to a c section if you ask and it sounds like yours is more than justified anyway. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, we are so conditioned to just meekly accept what the hcp tell us that we ignore our own instincts.

Keep pushing for it op, ask to see your consultant and have all your reasons ready. I bet they'll agree in 2 minutes. And then maybe send that midwife the Ockendon report about what happened in maternity wards where midwives refused to get doctors involved and vaginal birth was the be all and end all.

Very best of luck and I hope you get the lovely, calm birth this time round xx

Please ignore the midwife and do what is best for you.First pregnancy I had a stressful emergency c-section, second a near fatal incident, so third time opted for an elective c-section. The doctors and midwives tried to put me off the elective, in first clinic appointment to discuss options their attitude to the option of elective c-section was so hostile that I ended up in tears. On the delivery day when doing the paperwork to consent me again the doctor was hostile about my choice. I'm not sure if these people have never had a complicated child birth themselves, but after nearly not making it through 2 pregnancies alive, by the third i knew i wanted something different. The elective c section (apart from the doctor doing the consent paperwork) was a much better experience. You know what is best for you and your baby.

That sounds so shit OP. I had an ELCS with my second because I tore really badly with my first and didn’t fancy doing it again. I was prepared for a fight but my midwife and the consultant signed off on it straight away. That’s how it should be. You should be able to give birth however you want without medical professionals trying to guilt you or terrify you into doing something you don’t want to do.

It’s not your midwife having your baby, you are. Stand your ground OP. As other commenters have said, any midwife worth their salt has to go through the risks but she should not be trying to browbeat you here.
DC1 was a vaginal delivery that went horribly wrong so I asked for a C section for DC2 and explained the reasons why. I had nightmares after DC1, I’m sure it contributed to me having PND after. DC2 was a completely different story and I was so glad I was supported by my lovely midwife in being able to have a C section. Everything went right, I healed quickly with no issues and have a very healthy child who is among the tallest in his class too.