To be fed up of being on a good income but always skint?

[Justonemorecurlywurly]

I know I’m going to get flamed, lots of “boo-hoo, poor you”, and that there are people far worse off but -

Our household income (family of 4) is roughly £110-120k. DH earns about £100k of that, I’m self employed and part time so my income fluctuates. I think that’s pretty good money but it feels like we can never afford to do anything.

No holiday for 2 years.
1 car
Very few clothes
Modest house

If after paying bills, we ever buy something non-essential like a meal out, or maybe one or two items of new clothes, birthday present, that’s it, we’re out of money for the month. And we have no savings. It’s ridiculous!

We did try to move a few years back but couldn’t afford it so remortgaged instead to extend the house a little. We got the best deal we could and borrowed only as much as we were comfortable with (even though it meant we couldn’t do as much work as we needed). But unfortunately we made a mistake fixing the new mortgage for only two years and when that time was up, rates had shot to which has made our repayments considerably more expensive which really hasn’t helped.

I’m so fed up of it. I honestly feel like we felt so much better off about 10 years ago when we were earning A LOT less.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it just that everything is so expensive now??

I know some people will say I should work full time but for reasons I won’t go into, I need to be available for my DC so me being p/t works much better for the whole family.

I earn 45k a year so not as much as you but I can’t afford anything nice after bills and rent are paid

I work 2 jobs and I’m shattered so I completely get it

I have never earned so much but been so skint

I think you need to check all your outgoing see if any money is disappearing in to savings or non essential spendings you are not aware of

A suggestion to review expenditure seems eminently sensible to me.

I've just calculated with a £100k wage (so just your husband's salary, and none for you at all, plus a 10% pension contribution and the most expensive student loan plan to be on the safe side) and it comes out at £4.6k a month (and if e.g. no student loan and 5% pension, it'd be £5.4k). So I think that poster has a point - if you've at least £2k left after your 'big bills' and you're still feeling skint, then you're mismanaging your money/overspending somewhere or another.

I’m a bit confused where your money is going to be honest.

We have an almost identical income (including the split between me and DH) and our bills are pretty similar - mortgage is slightly lower but not by much, and we pay for after school childcare twice a week so that probably evens it out.

I’m not saying that to be unhelpful, I just think it really is worth looking at your outgoings to see where you’re spending the money because I don’t think you should be struggling that much. We’re not rolling in cash but I certainly wouldn’t say we’re skint.

But this isn't surprising in a cost of living crisis is it? Inflation has been very high in recent years, which means that whatever the salary, unless the salary has risen in line with inflation then that salary buys less than it used to.

"A decent lifestyle" is very subjective. Higher earners get used to a different lifestyle to the lifestyle they had when they earned less. I spend more now than I did when I was a student, I have higher expectations. If I earned more than I do I would probably come to expect more.

In a cost of living crisis everyone has to cut back (unless they were spending a lot less than they were earning previously) and I'm not sure why people find this surprising. The difference between the higher earners and lower earners is that higher earners generally have a lot of luxuries that they can cut back on, although they may not want to, whereas lower earners were already living on the bread line without much unnecessary spend to cut.

And OP has given no indication she doesn’t review her expenditure. I mean, it’s pretty obvious right? Sensible, but also a bit cringe as a suggestion.

We earn similar, have similar bills but save 1500 most months easily. We have 2 cars, holidays etc. we live well. No idea why you feel skint but my dad always used to say “enough is always a little bit more”.

Another ‘we don’t have any money but I’m not willing to work more hours or change my lifestyle’ post.

It sounds like remortgaging to get the work done on your house has bumped things up - hardly surprising.

@AquaPeer I can assure you that my qualifications (academic and professional) are absolutely required for the public sector role I undertake, which you or your family have probably used (or will do in the future) and which is an essential, costly service. Yes, my qualifications have allowed me to undertake a higher-level role, but in the public sector there is an effective ceiling around the £50K mark for the majority of roles outside management and/or niche professional roles and, increasingly, it is very difficult to get support for further qualifications unless you self-fund, as I have needed to do.

@ioioitdj I think you’ve embarrassed yourself more with this post than the husband of your friend has tbh.

You're entitled to your opinion. I'm not embarrassed at all. I am proud of what I have achieved and the work that I do. I perform an essential role which is renumerated very poorly for the qualifications and skills required. You may not realise (or indeed, care) that well-qualified public sector workers have often sacrificed an awful lot in order to provide you with the range of services you take for granted.

Enjoy your day.

But she's not reviewing her expenditure properly. That's why so many of us have said she should.

Why do you think she hasn’t reviewed her expenditure properly?

No wonder people are skint if a family small and young enough to live in a two bed flat and requiring wraparound care somehow manage to spend £800 a month on food. That's absolute insanity.

We're a family of four (DCs are 7 and 4), and we don't spend half that.

I'm generally of the mind that I dislike bashing posts like this, because everyone is entitled to feel disappointed that their money doesn't go as far as it used to.

But come on – you are very actively making hugely expensive choices here that you don't need to. You are just hanging on with the tips of your fingers to a lifestyle you can't afford, but want to. And I say this in a household of £185k income and a £2.5k mortgage also. You have made your choices. Choice is a luxury.

And you had to pay for them yourself? Madness

Yep we're similar. It's endless isn't it, and I'm absolutely sick of it. I've looked at selling and even downsizing but we have a 4 bed so trying to buy even a 3 bed near us would cost us more. We're actually looking at going abroad there has to be more to life I feel!

To be fair she has, she doesn’t really know what her expenditure is and can’t list much off the top of her head. With a lack of awareness of her outgoings it’s not a leap to assume money is most likely faffed in areas that don’t make them feel better off.

Yep. As your salary rises, so do your outgoings. I would be well minted on my salary if I was still sharing a one bedroomed flat with two others and driving a beat up old mini. As a professional person over 50, is it wrong to suggest that’s not appropriate?

We don’t have “flashy” anything. We’re bringing in a combined salary of £110k per year. The take home reduces because of salary sacrifice in pensions, high rate tax etc. We’re not skint by any stretch of the imagination but we are having to watch what we spend, way more than we used to. We live in a cheap-ish area, our mortgage is around £1,300. If we had £600 a month more going out in mortgage, we’d feel the squeeze.

She literally said it’s all on a spreadsheet she doesn’t have in front of her right now. She doesn’t need to actually share it just because Mn demanded she does

Because she will have more disposable money than what she currently thinks she does.

Because her electric, gas and water bills are much higher than most other peoples'. If my water bills were that high I'd be worrying that I'd got a leak.

Million pound house and one of you is unemployed?

It's simple isn't it? If you want more money, move to a cheaper house or get a job.

I'm not sure it's reasonable to choose to live in a million pound house then whine about having no money.

We are on a similar income and not sure what’s different but we have plenty for holidays, 2 cars and childcare costs (not a humble brag just illustrating what we can afford on this salary). We have a big mortgage, £1.8k a month, £320 council tax, £130 electric, £100 phones/internet and £900 a month on cars, as well as other smaller bills like house insurance, car insurance etc. our water is only £25 a month. And we’re paying back some debt. We’re left with £3k a month after nursery is paid of which food and petrol needs to be paid but still leaves us with a lot for days out/clothes/treats etc.

There seems to be at least one identical thread to this every week on here.
At first glance, I do think "boo hoo, poor you" but it's all relative really. I'd say it's basically irrelevant what your "top line" pre-tax household income is, it's what you're left with that matters.
For example if your and your husband's combined take home pay is £5k but your mortgage and other bills come to £4.5k, it's no surprise you're feeling skint.
Can you do an income and expenditure sheet to see how much you actually have left over? Everything that comes in each month (after tax, NI, pensions etc) and then all your fixed bills. Mortgage, nursery, utilities etc.
Then you have a middle layer of things that you pretty much "have" to spend out on, but you can control the amount - e.g. groceries, phones, car costs.
Lastly you should have a sum which is truly "left over" as in, you can spend it on whatever you like - meals out, holidays etc.
Have a go of this - www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Yes, it's the norm these days - it didn't used to be, though, but fully 'paid-for' courses etc., began drying up in the early 2000s. Plus, since then, professional qualifications/degrees required to join a profession are now paid for via student fees/loans. It's dire, and younger colleagues have it even worse than we did thirty years ago.

It's true that over the last few years some higher level qualifications have - rightly or wrongly - been made available to mid-level public sector employees via the government-sponsored apprenticeship route. However, places were limited and postgraduate apprentice programmes are now under threat from the new government.

So in short, we have a public sector which is not investing in its future workforce to the extent it needs to, and is certainly not promoting or paying for the culture of 'life long learning' that's so necessary to the delivery of effective public services. Public sector workers are not expecting high salaries, but they do expect paid-for development.

Thanks for your response.

Unfortunately we've collectively called for the green eyed approach to fiscal policy and used the existence of richer people to pretend that it's their fault there is no GDP growth and no plan to achieve growth.
With you OP.