To think that there's isn't a stigma against being a teetoller?

[feryon98]

I've lived in Ireland and the UK which have a big drinking culture. I have heard a few people say that not consuming alcohol carries a stigma but I don't know whether I'd agree with that. Sure, people may look at you as bit weird but I don't think the stigma compares to drinking excessively or even being an alcoholic.

My sister is a therapist who worked with teenagers told me that several girls and boys she knew had a parent(s) who consuming excessively and some even during the day. Most of them never made a fool of themselves but the teens were always embarrassed having their friends come over and hang out if the parents were drunk. Conversely, I had parents who never drank and was comfortable sharing it with friends/coworkers.

I think alcohol is acceptable depending on the set/setting and showing a dependence on it is still very much stigmatised moreso than not drinking at all.

That’s really interesting because upthread I was going to comment on the fact that people react in a similar way to hearing that you don’t drink to how they do when don’t eat meat and dairy. They try and convince you of all the reasons you are wrong and why you should eat / drink what they do.

It's getting easier to be a non/ very light drinker. I've recently found alcohol-free fruity ciders taste very similar to their regular counterparts which is nice when out. I get the taste I enjoy, and Garmin stays happy with my sleep score.

I drank most in my Millennium uni days, and for a few years after. Pregnancy/ motherhood in my early 30s means that I've rarely had multiple drinks since then unless for special occasions. In my 40s it is the Garmin data that contributes to me rarely bothering. There's no point in doing Stoptober or Dry January when I can go that length of time without thinking about it.

It's not a big deal to me and not a big deal to most people I socialise with (I might often have a reason to not drink)

25 years ago it would have been far more noteworthy and it looks like it will continue to be more normal to not drink alcohol.

what nonsense.

I mostly don't drink other than the very rare occasion were I will have 1 or 2 drinks. Annoyingly a too big minority take it as a challenge and take it as an invitation to try and persuade me into drinking ALL night. It's very very tiresome and has ruined my enjoyment of more than one night out.

I also get endlessly asked why. It kind of takes the fun out of the night when I have to explain that I have struggled with anxiety at various points in my life and alcohol massively exacerbates the issue. If I go with generic I just don't want to/don't like it that doesn't seem to cut it for these people.

I don't judge anyone for drinking and having a good time. I just don't drink because I'm no fun after 3 drinks and it takes me literally weeks to recover.

I've stopped drinking for extended periods many times over the years. Invitations definitely go down when I'm not drinking and people feel it's ok to make value judgements on it.
I'm Gen X but one of my kids doesn't drink and gets no hassle at all. Gen X are messed up.
I find it worst from people who don't know me. They don't know the reasons why I don't drink and can say some really insensitive stuff.
I'd rather spend time with someone who doesn't drink than somebody who can't have a good time without a glass of wine but I don't SAY that to their face.

This is what I get. Including from a publican after what had been a great night, 'Next time you can have a drink then you'll REALLY enjoy yourself' and a colleague who said my husband (who sailed too close to the wind with alcoholism) must be boring because he didn't drink.
I genuinely have a great night without alcohol but people don't seem to believe it's possible.

I drink sometimes and not others people don't seem bothered, I don't think that too deeply about what others do i offer a drink they so no or yes I move on

The only people who have ever given me grief for not drinking/only drinking once in a blue moon (I enjoy the taste, but I'd rather spend the money on steak and chips and I really can't be arsed to make a special effort to buy it, tbh) have been problem drinkers/substance users themselves.

A couple of people were very much along the lines of 'Don't be boring, have a drink, here, have one of these, LET'S DO SHOTS! If you aren't going to drink you might as well fuck off home to drink your tea, ha, ha, ha' - I fucked off home to drink tea.

The other, who was absolutely incensed by my not wanting to drink every night was my ex. Everybody would 'know' I was an alcoholic and 'This is what middle class families do - have drinks with dinner every night, only poor people don't drink'. I'm willing to bet that most of the middle class families he had in mind weren't knocking back six cans of Stella and skinning up every evening, but then again, he was also enraged by the drinks I did like, as they were apparently 'Pretentious, showing off, thinking you're something special'. I didn't think that liking champagne (OK, I've never had anything more than Veuve Clicquot, but I thought it was nice), damson gin and something like a merlot on a cold winter's evening by an open fire was that offensive.

The ex was the one who first made me feel uncomfortable about it, the few other people pretty much put the kybosh on actually wanting to bother.

I hate it too.

I’m teetotal and no one pressurises me to drink. But I’m late 50s and very much my own person - they wouldn’t dare! 😂

How sad. Seems very backward and outdated that “drinks” must mean only alcohol, rather than socialising, chatting and enjoying the occasion with the beverage of your choice, whatever it may be.
Im glad my friends parties are about enjoying the company and conversation, than the point being just getting drunk.

I don't drink. It usually brings comments and "light to moderate" peer pressure.

The people most annoyed by it are those who tend to have one too many and try to get everyone else to match them. The snide comments have been from men 40+. Most women don't seem to care and younger people are much more accepting.

It's almost always a conversation though, rather than just accepted and everyone moves on. I think not drinking socially is still considered quite a big deal.

Never had an issue, no one cares. They ask what you want, I give a soft drink order and that’s it. Never been questioned, it also I don’t explicitly say initially I don’t drink- if someone asks I’ll tell them.

This, I don’t think anyone else particularly cares or would take much notice what other people are drinking but the people I know who recently don’t drink alcohol don’t miss an opportunity to tell everyone about it.

I've definitely slipped into the habit of drinking more than I should

I think it's awesome that, generally, fewer people drink than in the past

There’s definitely a stigma.

I don’t drink and everyone seems to assume it’s because I’m pregnant 🙃

People seem more content just to leave you be now but in the very recent past a lot of people were pushers
I have a couple of friends who always pushed hard and have only stopped now they are menopausal and suffering if they drink!

@Changingplace The ones who tell you about it.

I’m not teetotal through choice and will only tell you I can’t drink and why if you try and push me to have an alcoholic drink when I’ve asked for a Diet Coke. Likewise I’ll only tell you I’m vegan if you ask me directly, as evidenced by the fact that it took my husband 5 months to notice and the fact that people will still buy me bottles of wine and boxes of chocolates as gifts after 7 years. Which I accept with thanks and regift elsewhere.

What will happen though on a predictably regular basis is that people will try and persuade me that it’s OK to drink even though I’ve been told not to by medics and that I wouldn’t be ill (with my long term neurological condition) if I ate burgers and steaks, or just cheese.

It’s often those people who say things who make statements like yours.

It's not about getting drunk, but is about taking part. Just like going to a dinner party when you're fasting.
I'm not against non-drinkers in general and I myself go through moments when I don't drink, but the context does matter.

In the late 90s I knew one person who didn’t drink. One. We moved past it because it was for religious reasons. Literally no one else.

these days I have plenty of friends who don’t drink. Partly the stage of our lives - we gave a lot more responsibilities plus liver/stomach issues! And partly cultural change. Look how many pubs have closed!

So who is driving?

The bus driver! Or taxi if necessary.
I don't live in the sticks, but if I did, people could stay over.