To think that there's isn't a stigma against being a teetoller?

[feryon98]

I've lived in Ireland and the UK which have a big drinking culture. I have heard a few people say that not consuming alcohol carries a stigma but I don't know whether I'd agree with that. Sure, people may look at you as bit weird but I don't think the stigma compares to drinking excessively or even being an alcoholic.

My sister is a therapist who worked with teenagers told me that several girls and boys she knew had a parent(s) who consuming excessively and some even during the day. Most of them never made a fool of themselves but the teens were always embarrassed having their friends come over and hang out if the parents were drunk. Conversely, I had parents who never drank and was comfortable sharing it with friends/coworkers.

I think alcohol is acceptable depending on the set/setting and showing a dependence on it is still very much stigmatised moreso than not drinking at all.

When I was 17/18, every Friday we all went to the pub.

DD is 17 and none of her or her male or female friends are remotely interested in alcohol.

I am early 50s. Loads or my friends have given up. (Not me)

My grandparents signed the pledge and were teetotal all their lives. My dad wasn't though.

I don't drink alcohol. Simply because I have never found an alcoholic drink I liked and I hate the feeling alcohol gives me. I used to have a drink to be sociable when I was in my late teens and twenties then I just decided not to bother.
I have lost count of the times people try to get me to have a drink. Go on, just one. You'll like it. You do like gin, you just haven't found the right mixer.
Usually from people who regularly get drunk.
I do think there is not exactly a stigma, but people do think you're a bit strange if you don't drink.

You’re comparing the stigma of alcohol addiction to the stigma of alcohol abstinence as if they were both equally extreme, so yabu.

Alcohol abstinence should be viewed as perfectly normal.

Not so much now, I think but the only time I come up against this is at work if we go out in the evening. I'm teetotal and that's all my colleagues have ever known but I do sometimes find myself lining up the 'I'm driving' or 'antibiotics' line just in case.

There should be no stigma not to drink alcohol but no finger-wagging at those who do either.

Your post is comparing teetotalers with alcoholics - obviously being an alcoholic is more problematic.

But that doesn't mean there's no stigma attached to sobriety - I've definitely had judgement, assumption and defensiveness in reactions from people I know when I say I'm not drinking (I'm not teetotal but go through phases of not drinking).

I don't think there's a stigma, no. Definitely lots of stereotyping and judgement IME, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it stigma. For me, it's mostly people assuming that I must be boring, very staid or even a recovering alcoholic. And there's the tedious attempts to convince me to drink or even to complain that I'm somehow impacting on other people's enjoyment of a social event by not drinking. I have a sibling who won't come to any parties I host at my house because I don't drink. Even though there's always alcohol on offer and always other guests who do drink.

I used to drink when was younger but don’t now. I wouldn’t say I’m teetotal, as I’m not forbidding myself from drinking I just choose not to most of the time. Some friends find it strange as they will often reach for a glass of wine if have a hard day at work to unwind, however they are more than happy to be driven about and not have to worry about taxis etc.

It never bothered me until recently on a planned trip away, a friend that doesn’t drive so is particularly reliant on me driving everywhere and picking her up, asked if I’d be actually having a drink and could she tempt me to drink whilst away. I found it amusing she was adamant I should drink whilst away but will happily let me drive her everywhere normally so benefits from me not drinking.

I don’t think most people take much notice of what other people are drinking, I couldn’t care less whether someone drinks alcohol or not.

When I was younger it might’ve been more noticed, but now I don’t think anyone bas an eyelid.

In fact the only time it’s been a thing was someone I know who stopped drinking, absolutely fine but feels the need to announce it all the time if we’re out, like she’ll order a non alcoholic cocktail and make a thing of telling the bar staff she doesn’t drink alcohol and that’s why she’s ordering it.

I don’t think they care tbh, just order what you want.

I have a parent who drinks most weekends and a parent who never drinks, I used to drink socially when I was younger but I just don’t now. I’ve got a just turned 18 year old who I’ve tried to teach responsible drinking to and a pre-teen who I’m hoping to do the same with. I don’t think drinking is as “big” a thing as it used to be. I feel no pressure or adversity being a non-drinker and I have friends who do drink when we go out. They probably enjoy the fact that I’m always happy to drive to be fair!! But no one has made a THING out of the fact I’m a non drinker.

I love a good glass of wine, or two or three if it's a night out or in with friends. I live in a country that produces really good whites and the occasional good red or rosé, and three of the four countries that border us also make good wines, so I'd not be taking advantage of my surroundings if I didn't partake every once in a while. In fact, we've recently bought a house with a few vines in the garden, so in a few years I may even produce a few bottles of my own vino 😁

A few friends have given up or cut down very significantly (in fact, my own drinking has lessened since motherhood showed up over the horizon for me), either due to actual alcoholism or because they just don't bounce back from a glass or a few shots the night before like they did a few years ago. I don't care. In fact, in the alcoholic's case, I'm very glad for him.

However, what I do care about is those same people judging me for indulging in the very same thing they used to to not that long ago. If I want another glass, I'll have it, and you can stick to your non-alcoholic beers if you want to, thank you very much.

Nope. Being teetotal can be a nightmare in social situations. I absolutely dread anyone asking me what drink I want and then having to explain i don't drink.

I'm teetotal and I definitely recognise the reactions of people desperately trying to persuade me to drink or seeming to take it as a personal slight. Although it does depend who you're around.

I obviously don't judge people who are teetotal but certainly among my age group it's uncommon enough that I'm surprised and curious when I meet people who are also teetotal. I don't actually ask them why though because it's none of my business.

I am 99.9% teetotal except for when I give into peer pressure. Dreading an upcoming social event where it will be centred around drinking. I do feel judged and pressured

I'm not a teetotaller, I'm on Team Take-it-or-Leave-it with a glass of red or a dry cider 2-3 times a year. This is partly medication related and partly the effects of having an alcoholic boss when I was in my first job. He was a lovely man with a brain the size of a planet, but seeing him destroy himself compounded my already very occasional relationship with the grape, the hop etc.

It's partly that experience that made me aware that while not being a drinker might be mildly awkward, it's nothing like as destructive as the stigma and shame directed at those who drink too much and struggle to control their drinking. Alcohol is one of the most readily available mood-altering substances we have. It's not hidden behind blinds at a kiosk (tobacco) doled out at a pharmacy within sight of other customers (methadone) and you don't have to hang around on street corners or visit somebody's grubby dive to get it. Your dealer will even sell you it along with the rest of your groceries. Or you can pick it up at the offy on the corner, a pub or wine-bar, a specialist wine merchant's...people make careers out of selling, tasting, and critiquing the stuff. Alcohol has associations with class, affluence and the intellect, which is extraordinary when you consider what it does to the brain. At the same time, it's often cheap enough to pull in those without a great deal else to look forward to in life. We give it a huge pass...not so much those who get in way out of their depth. Alcohol wrecks millions of lives every year, including those who never touch it, but the resources put into preventing alcohol-related problems barely touch the sides. People who don't drink or drink only very occasionally are regarded as a bit odd, while those with serious alcohol issues are treated with disgust. In the UK at least (I don't know about elsewhere) our relationship with alcohol is seriously out of whack.

I gave up drinking when youngest was very small so 20 years ago. I was and am a single parent living rurally and always wanted to be able to drive if there was an emergency and I always wanted to have my brain in gear. The thought of getting up at 5.30am with a toddler and a hangover urge 😫. Now they are all grown up and I still want to be OK in any kind of situation. Also look at son with a hangover and I never want to go back to that!

It’s not so much that it carries a stigma, but it makes people feel uncomfortable.

I’m sober, but I’ve also been a heavy drinker (hence why I’m now sober 😂).

I get usually one of two responses when I say I don’t drink alcohol. (1) “Oh poor you! That sucks.” And a sad face. Or (2) “Well, you know, I don’t have a drinking problem. My dad’s an alcoholic and I drink most nights, but I definitely don’t have a problem.” And then they look very shifty and nervous.

It’s very triggering for a lot of people. They sort of take offense at my wish to just have some fizzy water, thanks. And then feel like they need to defend their own drinking habits. Me personally, I really don’t care what other people do. I’m not preachy and I don’t even tell people that I don’t drink unless literally it comes up in conversation because they offer me a drink or ask me what I’m drinking. But the idea of someone who doesn’t drink at all pushes certain people’s buttons and makes them feel uncomfortable.

Historically though, if you didn’t drink, it was because you were an alcoholic (I’m an alcoholic, I claim that), but there is certainly stigma attached to addiction. I don’t think that’s the first thing people assume anymore though because non-drinking is much more normalised now.

I also think back to my student/20s days and think not drinking was seen as extremely odd. I remember the occasional person who didn't drink and they were seen as boring. Feels terrible to say that now. I think we were unkind, to be honest, to these people as it was assumed they wouldn't want to socialise in places with alcohol, so weren't invited out. So much of student culture was alcohol and partying focused.
Now my circle are parents in 30s and 40s, not drinking or drinking very rarely has become normal.
More and more young adults I see at work, in healthcare, are teetotal. Rarely did anyone under 30 say they were teetotal when I started work 15 years ago, except for religious reasons.

I can honestly say it just doesn't arise an issue. In recent years I can't think of an event where someone not drinking was even commented on. I also think that views have changed dramatically on what you were OK to legally drink and drive. People used to reckon a couple of pints were OK. Now the most I see is half of shandy, especially since alcohol free options are so much better for sugary soft drink haters (me). It used to be common to go for a pub lunch for work and have alcoholic drink (or few) but that disappeared a decade or more ago.

how bizarre to think that going to a party and not drinking alcohol means that you do not enter into the party spirit

I dont drink except maybe once or twice a year. DH doesnt drink at all.
Nobody gives a shit.

I don’t drink. No one at work knows. I’ve learnt over the years to keep it quiet because people hate it. It’s a real pain. I don’t care if people drink why do they care I don’t.

There is definitely still a stigma, although it has got better in London. Not sure about other parts.

Some people still think it’s a pity, idiots.

Kinel