To feel mostly miserable spending the day with my two year old?

[Geeep]

Of course there are pockets of the day that are nice and moments where I feel happy with him. But mostly it’s misery.

Constant tantrums. Collapsing onto the floor. Running off if in supermarket (won’t fit in trolley anymore). Mess everywhere if we stay in. Battle to get him into the bath, to wash his hair, to go to bed.

Screaming in the car so I can barely focus on driving. Trying to get out of car seat. Dropping food and drinks. Constant dramas about a lost toy or hat. Just awful.

I feel utterly miserable and exhausted. I have a dp who often takes ds out for the day and I sometimes just sit in silence trying to recalibrate. I feel like shit as everyone says it’s such a magical age and I just don’t feel like this at all. Does anyone else feel this way?

They’re tough! I’m currently drinking wine in my kitchen with my 5 and 3yo playing together behind me. It’s much, much easier. I definitely went through a solid 12 months of regretting having children but that has dissipated now.

Pick your battles, breathe, try to enjoy the pockets of joy!

It's only magical when they are your lovely little mate much of the time. Your emotions are telling you something needs to change. Look into what you can do to change things for the better?

@HeyItsPickleRick thank you x

And you sound like a twat

@Octoberdreaming it could be. Though I spend the whole day centred around ds as far as I possibly can. What makes for non lazy parenting?

Agree with this. Who are these people?! Do they go around their day pretending to be a nice normal human then unleash nastiness on strangers on the internet for no reason? Bizarre behaviour.

@Cedrabbage a nanny? 😅

Being a SAHP isn’t for everyone. Get a job and pop him in nursery. You will enjoy your time together much more if you do.

Do you feel better after that?

That’s such a tough age. Honestly, we have a 5 year old and we’re just at the stage where we can go out and enjoy day trips etc. before now even the thought was anxiety inducing. Ignore the poster trying to make you feel bad. This is a totally normal stage!

@BethDuttonYeHaw i have a job four days a week when ds is in nursery

Total arsehole of a reply

How big are they to not fit in a supermarket trolley?! My nearly 6YO still fits!

Anyway, my way was to split the day into parts, morning at home doing chores, afternoon out and virsa versa, days without a plan were always worse. Meet up with friends as mush as possible, playgroups soft plays etc when you can have 5minutes whilst engaged with the class leader.

How don't they fit in the trolley anymore? My 4 year old can still get in the seat

It gets easier, they’re hard work!

I was going in with “you sound nice” but the comment got deleted first!

I do spilt the day into bits. On the surface it looks like I have everything together and organised. Ds seems to have a nice time but I just despair with the constant battles to get through the day.

It’s not called The Terrible Twos for nothing! Honestly sounds like average toddler behaviour as they start to navigate the world. Few things that helped me-
No additives- keep food as natural as you can. This includes what they drink.
Limited sweet stuff - and make good choices such as home made cakes or good quality chocolate, not M&Ms etc
Routines- try to keep to them
Reaction - don’t let them see you getting wound up. Keep your reactions steady and neutral even when you’re telling them off. “No Tom, that is NOT how you behave in the supermarket”. Firm but don’t show emotion or it gives them the key to wind you up with!
Know that this, too, shall pass. It truly doesn’t goon for ever!

I seem to remember three was the challenging age for my eldest and some of those days were hard! Everything you do is wrong. It does get better as they get older. Now they adore me and fight with each other. To be fair, it is just as maddening but as they get a little more independent the intensity lessens. At this age they have very little ability to regulate their emotions which makes everything so much harder. It is totally fine to sit in blissful silence sometimes! You will get through this.

@Geeep I absolutely get it. My 2.5 year old is like this. There can be lovely moments but it's so unpredictable. The same outing one week can be lovely and the next week hell. My DS is such a handful and massive, he's in size 5-6 year old clothing so I'm trying to carry essentially a kicking screaming scratching 5 year old out of the park with a mind of a 2 year old. I also have a 10 month old who is such a hard baby. I'm about to have an extra day home from nursery just me and DS1 and hoping this improves his behaviour but honestly I'm really anxious about it.

I have no tips because I'm sure you've thought of everything. Well maybe one tip which is have you tried doing time out? It somehow works for DS and he grasped the concept straight away. I also remove privileges constantly like stories and Toniebox but it doesn't usually have an impact, maybe 1 in 10 times it works so I do keep trying it.

My DS is exactly the same, sometimes I feel like either crying, pulling my hair out or just screaming. I try to stay as patient as I can, do the whole gentle parent thing, but when your feral little monster is biting you or screaming like im murdering him just by trying to brush his teeth, all forms of parenting goes out the window and I am winging it all day 😭 and because I'm a glutton for punishment I've just had a brand new baby, so DS1 has just turned 2, and my DS2 is 3 weeks old. AND we have until the 28th to move into our new house 😬😬 I am purely surviving on shit food and stress adrenaline right now. You have my complete sympathies. I'm living with the hope that people are right when they say "it gets better" 🙏🙏

10% of the time it's like Instagram

The rest, well, isn't

That’s a shame, could it be your routine needs tweaking? Toddlers are hard work but usually okay if you get them out in the morning to the park / a toddler group to burn off lots of energy, followed by a nice early lunch then afternoon nap.
Why don’t you try online shopping? Otherwise you need to get the timing exactly right so they’re not too hungry and also try bribery to get them to sit in the seat sometimes. If your little one gets bored, online is probably the way

Two year olds can be bloody hard work.

YANBU.