Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel mostly miserable spending the day with my two year old?

72 replies

Geeep · 13/04/2025 17:36

Of course there are pockets of the day that are nice and moments where I feel happy with him. But mostly it’s misery.

Constant tantrums. Collapsing onto the floor. Running off if in supermarket (won’t fit in trolley anymore). Mess everywhere if we stay in. Battle to get him into the bath, to wash his hair, to go to bed.

Screaming in the car so I can barely focus on driving. Trying to get out of car seat. Dropping food and drinks. Constant dramas about a lost toy or hat. Just awful.

I feel utterly miserable and exhausted. I have a dp who often takes ds out for the day and I sometimes just sit in silence trying to recalibrate. I feel like shit as everyone says it’s such a magical age and I just don’t feel like this at all. Does anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
nearlysevenoclock · 13/04/2025 17:56

Galaxybisc · 13/04/2025 17:55

That’s a shame, could it be your routine needs tweaking? Toddlers are hard work but usually okay if you get them out in the morning to the park / a toddler group to burn off lots of energy, followed by a nice early lunch then afternoon nap.
Why don’t you try online shopping? Otherwise you need to get the timing exactly right so they’re not too hungry and also try bribery to get them to sit in the seat sometimes. If your little one gets bored, online is probably the way

Hahahahahaha

Enoughisenough689 · 13/04/2025 17:58

Could it be that he is over-tired from nursery op?

Or if he is big, is he ready to go all week?

Any chance of changing things up a bit?

Or at least inviting a friend or two over with a similarly aged child for part of the day when you have him alone? At least then you can go through the demanding bits together.

SarahLHs · 13/04/2025 17:58

It gets much easier in my experience. I have a 5.5yo and 2.5yo and although I don’t have a favourite child, I would pick a day out with my eldest any day. We can chat, have fun and most importantly you can usually reason with them at that age!

Enoughisenough689 · 13/04/2025 18:00

And forgot to add, is he getting enough sleep?

Too much stimulation from
screens?

Anything unusual that might be causing this? A growth spurt maybe?

SillyQuail · 13/04/2025 18:02

My eldest was hard work at that age, mainly because transitions were really hard for him and he's very sensitive and quite emotionally volatile as a person (gets that from me). I basically realised I was spending all my time dreading him having meltdowns about minor things and my dread was clouding the enjoyment of him. When I kept things simple and predictable and just expected him to be dramatic, sympathised but didn't get locked into feeling like I had to somehow make him feel better about his wrong socks/lost toy/broken cracker etc, it got a lot better. He's 4.5 now and awesome, still quite dramatic but great company. And I went on to have another one so it obviously wasn't that bad!

Espresso25 · 13/04/2025 18:04

I have two children. One was SUCH hard work at that age, the other a delight, just different temperaments.

I hear you OP - are you a SAHM? Can you get some childcare for an hour or two.

Obvnotthegolden · 13/04/2025 18:06

Never heard two being called magical, maybe when they're finally asleep it feels like magic.
It is hard work and non stop. I don't know if it helps but it doesn't sound a picnic for them either, and they can't help it. They do get better.
But also you're NBU.

ACynicalDad · 13/04/2025 18:06

It gets better.

medprocesspain · 13/04/2025 18:08

I could never get on board with the ‘magical age’ comments. I did not enjoy parenting babies or toddlers at all. However, my teens are amazing, still challenging in their own way but by far more rewarding and enjoyable. You will get through it. I think we are told they are only little once as if it’s a bad thing but for some of us it really isn’t and that’s fine too.

ladybirdsaredotty · 13/04/2025 18:09

I remember this so clearly OP. I now have 3 children so as someone else said, things do improve! I found that the constant INPUT required with toddlers made me feel like I was literally losing my mind.

I'm not going to make any suggestions as chances are you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. Things really do get better though 🙂

Espresso25 · 13/04/2025 18:09

HeyItsPickleRick · 13/04/2025 17:38

They’re tough! I’m currently drinking wine in my kitchen with my 5 and 3yo playing together behind me. It’s much, much easier. I definitely went through a solid 12 months of regretting having children but that has dissipated now.

Pick your battles, breathe, try to enjoy the pockets of joy!

Mine are the same ages and I agree, although I do currently have them sat infront of The Lion King in the lounge because after a weekend of solo parenting I am just done. But it all feels less hectic and pressured now.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 13/04/2025 18:11

Geeep · 13/04/2025 17:45

I do spilt the day into bits. On the surface it looks like I have everything together and organised. Ds seems to have a nice time but I just despair with the constant battles to get through the day.

You work four days and DS is in nursery. On the day you are at home with him are you trying to get the laundry done and the house cleaned and everything else on that one day?

If you are, can you afford to pay a cleaner?

I generally think that two-year-olds seem like very hard work when you are trying to get too much else done when they are there, but if you can just focus on them or having a nice day without trying to fit 100 other things in they don't seem anywhere near as much like hard work.

The good news is, you'll soon be in a different phase (I won't mention whether that's a good or bad thing 🤣🤣)

Hang in there!! He'll be a teenager before you know it and you'll be looking back on these days wishing to have them back!!

koalabearboombox · 13/04/2025 18:13

I absolutely could have written this when my ds was

  1. Omg time spent with him was (mostly) hell on earth. However, the second he turned 3 it was like a lightbulb switched on and he became soooo much easier overnight. He's now 4 and has his moments but I look back on the 2 year old years and thank the heavens they're over. Although we're expecting our second child any day now so we've got to do it all over again...!
Umbrellasinthesunshine · 13/04/2025 18:15

I have three kids. I wouldn’t have got your post at all if I’d only had my second two kids, some tricky toddler behaviour but generally, each day actually was joyful and fun more than not. My first son though- what a nightmare. Never slept, fussy eater, constantly constantly whining, never happy, hated transitions, lots of meltdowns. I can’t say I enjoyed my days with him much so don’t feel guilty. Some kids are just much much harder than others. Bit like some grown ups 😉At nearly 9 he’s lovely now but good god he made it hard (and still is the hardest of the 3 by miles).

CurbsideProphet · 13/04/2025 18:15

My 2.5 year old goes through a lot of emotions some days 🥴 DH and I keep just repeating to each other "it's all a phase" while taking it in turns to rock in a corner 😂
In all seriousness on my days off we stay busy -meet a friend, play centre, swimming, toddler group type things, library, playground. Places where people expect toddlers to be toddlers!

Bluepenguin2 · 13/04/2025 18:16

I think I'm quite lucky with my 2 year old so far as, apart from the odd difficult moment, she's generally great fun to be around. That said I do find the amount of active input needed challenging and boring sometimes.

Shopping - child in trolley and feed them all the way round. Squeezy yoghurts / breadsticks etc, pay for the empty packets at the end.

Leaving somewhere - give 5,4,3,2,1 minutes warnings, let them choose a last thing to do/play on, then if still resistant ask them to race to the door/gate, or if they want to hop, or something silly.

Name of the game is just distract distract distract, and while it's exhausting sometimes coming up with fun ways to get basic shit done, it's usually emotionally easier than tantrums and losing your temper.

Try reading How to Talk to Kids so They'll Listen - there's a toddler one

Good luck, I'm sure you're doing great!

MatildaTheCat · 13/04/2025 18:16

I went through a similar patch with both of mine. Decades later it’s still firmly etched in my brain!

What did help, and it’s not easy, was to start each day with positivity. Yep, sounds shit. But lots of praise and over the top loveliness really did turn things around. That plus giving some choices ( obviously not always possible) and simply avoiding the real pinch points whenever possible. Keep that positive person act up just as much as you can. Mary Poppins all the way. You can scream and drink wine later.

Id agree that tiredness in toddlers is another factor for really grim behaviour. And pregnancy is something that they can sniff out a mile away and while not understanding what it means they definitely know it’s nothing good for them and will let you know.

LucyMonth · 13/04/2025 18:19

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable because that sounds shit and no one would enjoy it!

Firstly, parenting involves so many different stages requiring different skills. No one is great at or enjoys all of them equally. I HATED having a baby and was convinced I ruined my life by having a child. I LOVE having a 3 year old. It just suits me much better.

(BTW my DC had also outgrown trolleys and buggy’s by 2 years old. Not unusual at all.)

Secondly, I take it nursery are happy with his behaviour with them? Children tend to hold everything in at nursery, when with grandparents etc and let out all their “difficult emotions” around the person they trust the most to love and care for them no matter how awful they are. So take heart that your boys behaviour likely means he trusts you more than anyone else in the world ❤️

Some practical advice, for the love of God do your shopping online and get it delivered 😂

If your boy is doing well in nursery but melting down at home I’d be tempted to have more at home chilled days with him. Or very simple walk to a local park type days. He could be physically and emotionally exhausted from nursery at need to unwind a bit. I know it’s tempting to fill up their days with stuff to do to pass the time quicker but sometimes they need the opposite.

You say the house is a riot if you stay home & play…consider toy rotation eg. a limited amount of toys available at any one time (usually around 8 to 10) & open ended toys are ideal eg Duplo, vehicles, playdoh. Sometimes too many toys is overstimulation & I highly recommend getting rid of anything that something battery operated that lights up and makes a noise and doesn’t really have any “playing” in it.

Also consider letting him help with chores around the house. It’ll really make him feel close to you and like he’s an important part of your family. Simple things like helping you pull the washing out of the machine.

Please don’t take offence at this if you do it already, but make sure to take time to properly sit on the floor with him and play whatever he wants however he wants. I know it sounds obvious but I’ve been guilty of half playing with my DC while I’m also trying to peel potatoes or whatever. I realised he’ll actually play on his own and give me peace if I’ve given him my 100% focus to play however he wants beforehand.

MidnightPatrol · 13/04/2025 18:20

The combination of trying to run away all the time, along with saying no to everything, is quite something.

WinterFoxes · 13/04/2025 18:21

When DC were that age, I read Positive Parenting by Jane Nelson, did what she suggested and the tantrums disappeared overnight. Never returned, not even in teen years. It was over 20 years ago but I bet the advice still works.

The things that helped me most were:
Agree with how they feel, not with what they want. So, tantrum about carseat, you say, 'I know. You hate it! Horrible car seat. I wish you didn't have to sit in it. But it's for safety, and if police saw you without one, mummy would get into real trouble, so let's get upu in quickly, get home safely and then you can cuddle the cat/ watch CBeebies. '

If it's a really tricky situation I would ask for 'suggestions ' from the toddler, and 'discuss' them. It is quite a talkie solution, but it beats gritting teeth while they scream.

At home if they melt down, create a cosy corner with cushions, blanket, cuddlies, a favourite book, a healthy snack. Sound sympathetic, not angry, and take them there and say, 'Snuggle up here and cuddle teddy until you feel ready to talk to me without shouting/ play without throwing things' etc. This is WAY more effective than punishment as it teaches them responsibility for self soothing and controlling their own emotions.

Also, try to plan the day. Tell them what is happening at the start of each day and recap often. They like knowing and feeling in control. Give choices ( all of which suit you) where possible. Save treats as a way of getting them to behave. E.g. instead of saying, we have to leave the park now, you say, 'Time to go home for a biscuit.' Generally, keep healthy snacks and water to hand, and ensure their clothes are comfortable, not too tight or hot, that they have somewhere to nap if tired. Most tantrums are triggered by physical discomfort or confusion about what's happening.

Mischance · 13/04/2025 18:22

They are hard work.

Two things:

  • try putting yourself inside his mind it you can. What might it be reasonable to expect a 2 year old to understand? What this does is help you realise that he is not being deliberately awkward - he is just being two!
  • Pick your battles.
WhatMe123 · 13/04/2025 18:24

Op cut yourself some slack. That age is bloody tough, it's hard work. It gets easier and then the enjoyable bits get larger and the hard bits get smaller 😁

ArseofOrion · 13/04/2025 18:25

yep 2 - 3.5 is grim. I hated it in the main but there were nice bits sprinkled throughout.

All I can say is that this is something to be endured but it will pass and there are better times ahead

Cinnamonrollsforbreakfast · 13/04/2025 18:26

I feel your pain. Hopefully this phase won’t last long for you. I’m not big on parenting books but I found this one very practical and helpful: How to talk so little kids will listen’. It helps you turn struggles into games. It can feel a bit exhausting but as the book says - when you have a small child you can be exhausted and happy or exhausted and unhappy. (Or something like that). The exhausted bit is non- negotiable unfortunately. 😂😫

nearlysevenoclock · 13/04/2025 18:28

So, tantrum about carseat, you say, 'I know. You hate it! Horrible car seat. I wish you didn't have to sit in it. But it's for safety, and if police saw you without one, mummy would get into real trouble, so let's get upu in quickly, get home safely and then you can cuddle the cat/ watch CBeebies. ' I actually think my toddler is easy as toddlers go but the car seat is a current battle -
she’d never hear this over the desperate screams!

Swipe left for the next trending thread