To think how you look is still essentially the most influential thing in how people treat you?

[Uglybugly1985]

I appreciate I’m nearly 40 so that flush of youth is long gone but I was never good looking so it’s not a new thing but I do frequently notice that people who are attractive get treated differently.

I am kind, helpful, reasonably bright, have hobbies and interests but because I am ugly and fat what I have to say and how people respond to me is different from people who are attractive.

aibu to say actually if you’re ugly - I don’t mean average, I mean ugly like I am, it doesn’t actually matter about anything else? You are written off before you even begin!

I’ve been fat and plain my whole life. I consider it my superpower to filter out arseholes from the get go. People who bother getting to know me are usually wonderful. It is annoying when it comes to job interviews though.

I think as I get older I see different things. I judge people much more on their morals , values and behaviours now. I know who ‘my kind of people are’ and this isn’t about looks at all. In the workplace I think people see professionalism before beauty ( in my experience) so maybe a stranger in the street gets judged more on looks where as someone in a different setting doesn’t ?

I’m sorry you feel like that but I dont agree. I’m not especially attractive but I feel most people treat me with respect. I did feel once i had kids a big change in how some people treated me, but that was nothing to do with my appearance.

I agree and I now understand my mother when she told me that you become invisible as you get older. I’m 53 and find myself largely ignored (which isn’t always a bad thing but it is rude!)

I was going to start by saying “these days it is” but actually, it’s always been the way.

Im older, fat and very unattractive which actually does not give me a single second of angst.
Im in the Miriam Margolese and Cathy Burke camp and couldn’t give a flying fuck quite frankly.

But I do know that people treat me very differently than when I was a slender blonde haired young woman many years ago.
People are reserved, respectful but very dismissive and often I feel invisible or defunct in (rare) social occasions.

No. I don’t agree at all. What I think most influences people is confidence (and I don’t mean bravado). That inner confidence and contentment that so few have is what people react to most.

Good looking or ugly according to whom? What criteria are you going off

Maybe it’s confidence that people respond to

Yet another post equating young people with being more attractive, some of the women here are so down on themselves. Speak for yourself

I think you are right and interestingly it also affects who you become friends with and who becomes friends with you.

Have you ever noticed that groups of women who are friends are all on a similar level of looks? There may be one or two outliers but the core of the groups is the same.

A group of ultra-thin, botox and fillers, long blonde extensions, designer clothes women will all look the same. They won't have any friends in the group who are overweight, even normal weight or not plastic surgeried face wise -a normal face.

A group of more very average overweight fleece wearing chilled out women will all look the same. They won't have any slim, glamourous stylish women in the group.

These are extreme examples but you can apply it across the board - beautiful people are friends with other beautiful people, average + people with average + people, average with average, ugly with ugly.

It's really weird. I suppose it's a case of bird of a feather flock together.

I’m old and wrinkly but I generally find that people treat me well. That’s because I make the first move, so smile at them and make a pleasant comment. People rarely ignore you if you do that.
The art of small talk is grossly underrated.

I wish this is true. I work with a very competent, confident woman but the blokes laugh about her look behind her back. I'm very disappointed when I know. Look matters. Also height matters. Most people who are managers, directors have at least average height.

People will deny it but there are studies showing this is true.

I agree with this.

Throughout my life people generally have overlooked me and generally ignored me because I lack self confidence and have low self esteem.

On the rare occasions when I've actually been relaxed and confident then it's been chalk and cheese and I've morphed from being invisible to somebody people actually see and take notice of.

I think the world has always been like this but I do think with so much value placed on superficial qualities these days it is a lot easier for those with "bigger" personalities to be heard and those of us more introverted or reserved to be totally ignored.

This isn’t the case in my work for a large employer. The directors are actually quite short! We have a few women in senior management (very male dominated industry), and in general the female leaders are extremely well respected (and not conventionally good looking).

It is true. Unfair, but true. Being physically attractive is a type of social currency. 'Pretty Privilege' is very real.

And the old stereotype of good looking people usually being dim really doesn't hold water either (much as some people would love to believe it true). Of all the people I know who are conventionally good looking, they're all intelligent and well educated.

I was definitely striking when I was young, with an extremely good figure. I have noticed the invisibility creeping in since my mid-40s. I no longer command attention. It is weird as when I was younger I was not really aware of this. It is only since it has gone that I have started to wonder how many opportunities I have had due to my looks having been part of it.

YANBU but I think it's only for first impressions and then people decide on your personality, actions etc

Pretty privilege is real, but nothing beats confidence.

I don’t think that’s at all true. I was out for dinner with three friends last weekend. All fiftyish. One of us is carefully and sexily dressed, very slim, with hair extensions, Botox and full make up, one slim-built with a blonde crop, wearing the yoga clothes in which she’s just taught a class, has her bike helmet and hi-vis slung over her chair and is wearing dark glasses indoors to hide an eye stye, one is pale, plumpish and wearing slouchy Cos and Oska and biker boots, and one is a pretty, freckled athletically-built redhead wearing jeans and a gilet.

I disagree with you.

personally I’m in my 20s and slim and attractive and there’s many places I go where people don’t take me seriously. Even today, I’m dealing with John Lewis sending me a faulty item and being difficult with arranging the return.

Whereas I actually think someone who looks how you sound would probably get better customer service from John Lewis as they won’t be looking down on you like you’re a child/try to pull the wool over your eyes!

It doesn’t matter how bright or kind you are if people are intending to stereotype you

I don’t know that being a natural beauty is essential but I do think people respond better to those who are well-groomed, in shape and generally look like they take care of themselves. Perhaps it’s chicken and egg in that those people are also more likely to be confident and outgoing.

I am no beauty but I am relatively fit and trim, keep my hair and eyebrows looking tidy and take care of my nails, skin and teeth. It helps my confidence levels no end. The worst I’ve ever felt was on both mat leaves when I didn’t have any time to look after myself.

Yesterday I read “You don’t notice you have a red carpet under your feet when your entire world is a red carpet.” Re: youth and looks.

Over the years I’ve decided it’s better not to be too good looking. Women bristle and quickly try to find something wrong with you and men decide you’re “fuckable” before you’ve even said anything.

Sadly it’s true. I gained four stone very quickly - pregnancy, boredom from staying at home. And the difference in treatment was extremely pronounced. Perfect example, if I were to bump into a man at the supermarket he would laugh it off and even smile when I apologised. Same scenario when I was fat and I would get a scowl/dirty look. I still thought I was pretty but just big.

life sadly is not very fair

Good looking people are treated differently for sure. But then they also get lots of attention that they don't want.
Old people like me..63..get none unless they look outrageous, like Barbara Cartland 😂