Birthday meal invitation

[Nonsense10]

We have all been invited to a birthday meal out. Usually I would always make an effort despite the lack of effort of inclusion at other times from my OH's family.

However, it is at a restaurant that only sells one type of food which none of us like so declined going. Just stated we had plans already (invitation was short notice too). The restaurant also has very poor reviews.

OH has been receiving messages from his parents and siblings that we should be changing our plans.

Are we being unreasonable not to attend? The place charges per person at the table so we couldn't even just go for a drink.

I still want to know what sort of restaurant!

😂 I definitely do not speak on behalf of my husband. When I showed him the message, his first comment was "none of us like that food".

Good for you - none of us will eat something we don't like. We eat plenty of other foods but don't eat this type of food. On another note, the reviews for the place are shocking with plenty of people stating they've been ill afterwards. The food is left luke warm.

So you say you were a last minute invite? And they don’t usually invite you to anything?

I suspect that you’re a last minute invite because someone else has dropped out. So you’re an afterthought.

Couldn’t be doing with it personally and I’d just tell them that you don’t like the food, but even if you didn’t tell them that I’d tell them that the restaurant has such awful reviews you can’t see why they are going there anyway.

It isn’t the not attending the meal that gives that vibe it’s the ways op has wrote things in her comments. I was getting the same feeling then I read this posters comment and thought I agree

God there are some weirdos on this thread. hint, none of them are the OP.

Do people really lack such imagination that they believe there aren’t restaurants out there which serve food people don’t like? I mean I’m sure that you all eat everything that is sent your way and good for you. Presumably you don’t actually select a type of restaurant to eat in since you eat everything.

Would you insult a vegan for not wanting to eat at a steakhouse? Or someone with an allergy to fish for not wanting to eat in a seafood restaurant? Or do you think that if there’s one thing on the menu they’ll eat they should just be grateful there is and settle for that one dish while everyone else gets to annoy the benefits of a good menu (which if the reviews of the restaurant are anything to go by, might not be that great anyway).

These are family who never bother with the OP’s DH, they don’t even extend their once a year invitations via him but via the OP. And everyone is blaming the OP for not wanting to go? If this was a friend people would say to not bother with them, so why does the fact it’s family change that?

Well, given the family never invite them anywhere I think that it’s perfectly understandable that the OP is pissed off by being made to think that she and her DH should be grateful for the crumbs they’re being thrown and are wrong for not rushing to attend the dinner when the family turn down every event the OP and her DH invite them to.

I’d be pissed off too.

Edited to delete because It didn’t quote 🤦‍♀️

I don’t think I’d be that pissed off at not being invited to everything but given the fact op said she always makes the effort every time despite feeling hurt they’ve been left out of a few things implies it’s not a case of they never get invited like you say, they do get invited just not every time.

I’m struggling to think of a restaurant type that only serves one kind of food that a whole family wouldn’t like anything on the menu.

Seafood? Sushi? An egg only restaurant?

Me too, because even, say a Chinese buffet has other stuff.

Why is it important? OP has a right to say no if she wants to. The family have a prior engagement
But it could be anything, Fast food,/burgers seafood, Chinese, Indian, Thai, Sushi.,Fried chicken.
It's also an all you can eat buffet type place with bad reviews. Having previously had food poisoning even if I liked the food I would be reluctant to go.

@Maddy70 @CurlewKate try being vegetarian and going to a restaurant and the one thing on the menu is a gross fake meat vegan burger/ butternut squash risotto or beetroot and goat cheese.
Everyone else has a choice of at least ten other things, we get one crap offering as an afterthought. It's unenjoyable.

I've been with my husband for 20 years and don't consider his relatives my family. They're nice, I see them once a year, I don't involve myself in their organising or gifts.
Wouldn't give it a moment of thought OP, your husband can reply to their messages.

We get invited to birthday meals only. For specific birthdays. They don't bother otherwise and neither do the rest of them. They will all meet up 5 minutes from my house and not say anything. Multiple days out, other meals out, gatherings, holidays. We get invited once or twice in comparison to about thirty other things they all do together. It isn't just a few things. Stop assuming you know it all.

The restaurant does one type of cuisine and there isn't much choice. They do nothing to order. As I've said multiple times now, it also has very poor reviews with multiple people sharing they've been ill from luke warm food. Regardless of this, none of us like this food.

I won't be sharing what type because it'll fully out me.

I guess there are multiple issues to address. Not being invited places, my children being excluded more than anything is hurtful.

When you say things like you usually you make an effort, and make an effort every time that implies you get invited to things.

I make an effort in terms of trying to invite them to things and attending things that we are invited to. Which I've already said. I also don't think it implies I get invited to things, I've already explained what we do get invited to.

attending things that we are invited to. Which I've already said. I also don't think it implies I get invited to things, I've already explained what we do get invited to.

It doesn’t imply you get invited to things, you’re literally saying you are invited to some things! Not everything but somethings. You can see how your messages might be confusing? You say you don’t get invited but then in the next breath you say you do get invited

But it's their choice of restaurant because it's their birthday. If there is only one food to eat there suitable for you then you suck it up and have that. Or just order a plate of chips.

Sounds like Japanese/Sushi bar where the food goes round on a central conveyor belt type thing. I don't mind Sushi but wouldn't eat at this type of restaurant as I've known people get ill. My kids certainly wouldn't like this type of food.

Have you or your DH ever asked why you're not invited to other events/get togethers? Why just birthdays?

I was referring to your comment: 'I'm very sure their is something you can eat from there. You're being pretentious'

Often there is nothing some people want to eat on menus. Why would anyone want to put on nice clothes, drive, just to eat chips when I can do that for (essentially) free in the comfort of my home?
If the birthday person wants guests they should pick a better location.

You're twisting what I'm saying and refusing to read properly.

We get invited to BIRTHDAY MEALS for significant birthdays. That is it. We don't get invited to the days out they all do together, meals out, general get togethers, holidays, days out. I'm not really sure what you're not uunderstanding. I don't think I could be any clearer. When we do get invited to these birthday meals, then I would make an effort to attend.

You can't order anything.

None of us like it and no I'm not willing to waste money on sitting there not eating anything. Bum on a seat = having to pay the price they've stated.

There is a lot of "I" in your posts.

Are you and DH on the same page about this? If neither of you wants to go/can't go then that's OK. Let him explain as it's his family.

I'm a great believer in not doing things when I know I won't enjoy the occasion. A polite decline + gift and card is usually appreciated though and I'd always do that. - if the occasion warrants it that is!

@SeventeenClovesOfGarlic I would put money on the OP not being a vegetarian!

@curlewkate I am actually 😂

@vandelier wow sorry for using the pronoun I. That's because it's me who has tried to continue a relationship with his side of the family. That's what he wants whilst not wanting anything to do with them at all. He doesn't want us to go either as he knows we don't like the food, just like he doesn't.