To ask you to raise a cup/glass and toast me

[Divorcinghisabusiveass]

After realising that I’m in an emotionally abusive marriage, seeing the same dynamic happen to DC, having to contact Social Services as he didn’t change, receiving more emotional abuse as a consequence, whilst watching him temporarily (because he can’t maintain it) become dad of the f-Ing year, whilst he uses a bereavement to try and stick the knife in to me, after four years of counselling and me trying everything to change myself and hold a boundary around his abusive behaviour…

The divorce application is done!! Did it!!

This time next year I’ll hopefully be living without the constant pit of anxiety in my stomach that he creates…

I know there are darker days to come but I know I’ll get through it.

And you all won’t know it but you have helped. I’ve posted on here under different usernames many times, questioning if I’m bonkers or if his behaviour really is that bad. I’ve been pointed towards excellent sources of information. So thank you.

So, wonderful wise women of MN - please raise a cup/glass/fist with me.

To freedom and peace… 🍾 🥂

Congratulations OP! I'm really happy for you.

Are you still under the same roof as him? I hope the divorce goes as well as it can.

Cheers to you!

Oh and any tips, positive post divorce stories etc hugely welcome!

My second morning cuppa (pending) is going to be enjoyed in celebration of you and your future @Divorcinghisabusiveass .
Well bloody done! And best of luck. And go carefully too, sounds a bit precarious still.
Keep posting if shit >>>>fan.

Thanks. Yes. Legally advised not to move out if I can.

Congratulations! Hang in there, freedom is just around the corner!

Well done! Wishing you all the luck in the world as you rebuild your life.

Cup raised! (Tea with my toast to you at this time of day).
Massive respect to you and other women in your situation.

Well done and I wish you every happiness in your new life! EA is horrible - is there any help you can get to counter any potential impact on your DCs?

Thanks. Yes, I’m not really drinking champagne at this time of day (although it’s tempting!) 😂

Yes. Getting support thank you. 🙏

🍷 wishing you all the best.

He is, of course, talking to anyone that will listen about how abusive I am. I’m not doing the same. Just a very small circle of people most of whom are governed by professional confidentiality. So he’s wrecking my reputation. But I STILL. Would rather that than share my life with him any longer than I have to. He is not the kind and empathic person he presents himself as.

Good luck sweetie, please keep us updated. Victory ✌️ 💐🌺🫂

🍷cheers to you op, wishing you all the luck.

Well done @Divorcinghisabusiveass, that's a huge leap to take.
Now you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until you can boot him out or get your own place with your dcs

Well done you! That’s a massive step, you’ve got this and there will be a brighter future. Don’t forget if he struggles to maintain Mr Perfect most people he’s whining to will just be nodding and smiling and not necessarily believing him. Because normal arseholes as opposed to true sociopaths are much more common and people usually catch glimpses of the unpleasant thing underneath.

Congratulations!

Well done, the light at the end of your tunnel is growing. 👏🥂🍾☕️☕️

As my DMum said to me one day amidst the constantly being slagged off and being out to be the mad,
bad one ‘the people who matter know the truth, and the people who don’t matter don’t and can believe what they want’

Well done! What will your ideal freedom look like? Mine was my then mother-in-law no longer tuning up and being critical of everything that was beyond my control. Examples follow: "I don't know why you chose to live in the country. It's just up one muddy lane and down another!" "Why have you got that dog? He's going to kill the baby!" Dog was a soppy Afghan Hound, and as long as he got to do ten minutes of zoomies twice a day in our paddock, and a couple of half-hour walks in the village, he slept for most of the day. He was also out in our large, high brick-walled garden on a frequent basis.
MIL also brought sandwiches when she was invited to lunch. "I don't imagine that you know how to cook A Proper Meal." In the end, my mother's cook used to provide all the meals, and I reheated them. She still complained.

My then husband made all sorts of excuses for her. It never changed. It ended up when I divorced him for adultery.

Wise words. Thank you. 🙏

Toasting you with my mug of coffee. Well done. It takes real guts to leave. I did it 30 years ago and am celebrating the 25th anniversary of my second, very happy, marriage, in June this year. Keep facing the future because it IS brighter.

It will just be nice not to have to meditate everytime I’m about to step into the house or out of my bedroom. I have to stay so mindful or I could easily get sucked into his drama every day.

Well done! The months my exh and I had to live under the same roof were really hard, so lots of deep breaths and avoidance ahead, I expect. But onwards and upwards to you