fake confession...... am at a lost how to advice dd

[CosyRubyDreamer]

Personally I always just kept to myself in high school so I have little clue how to advice dd moving forward. So dd (16) has been friendly with a girl in her grade via social media since last year and the girl had always been nice to her, like encouraging her and helping her. The girl is very popular and while my dd has friends, she's not like "in the clique". Because of being friendly with the girl, dd had started to interact with her friends too, and one of them seems to be particularly manipulative.

The manipulative friend texted my dd saying how the girl likes dd romantically and dd was skeptical at first but the friend gave all these details about how the girl is scared dd won't want to kiss her, etc. Dd kind of bought into it and texted the girl about it, and she brushed it off. The friend then said the girl was just nervous. Dd probed the girl one more time and the girl faked a confession, and dd thought it was real because she really trusted the girl. The girl kept probing her and dd got the impression from their group that "dating" within their group means being besties for a while so she eventually said yes for the girl to shut it down.

The friend, however, still continued and their group would call out the girl's name when dd walked past them at lunch. Dd decided to probe with the friend one last time in case she hurt the girl and got a dismissive response saying that she doesn't remember. dd then unadded her and the friend messaged her on another platform saying things like "why did you unadd me I'm in tears". Dd ignored her. She has not heard from the girl since the fake confession.

Dd is pretty much done with the friend but she is conflicted about the girl and also their group. The group sometimes interact with dd and dd has a lot of fun as she is very playful and energetic.

What would you advise her? Thank you

The other members never outright treated her badly sometimes like she's entertainment but not like in a hurtful way before this.

I wonder if you're being quite naive about this. Girl A seems nice but hangs out with girl B who isn't? I'd say yiu can tell a lot about people by the company they keep and girl A probably sn't as nice as you think

That sounds like bad treatment to me.

I would be talking to DD about this:

"The girl kept probing her and dd got the impression from their group that "dating" within their group means being besties for a while so she eventually said yes for the girl to shut it down"

She sounds very naive and easily led for a 16 year old.

You don't agree to 'date' someone because their friend keeps asking you to.

They sound unpleasant and immature, but not much more than that. I'd be telling dd to ignore, roll her eyes, or laugh along next time they say anything.

If your DD is ‘entertainment’ then they are treating her in a hurtful way!

These girls are not her friends.

I know she is naive but I have no clue what I can do about it...... I don't want her to have issues trusting people

thirding that treating your dd as “entertainment” is also bullying. I don’t think this girl is your DD’s friend. Her friends certainly aren’t. I would advise dd to stay away from all of them. If they message- block. I’d maybe open up a chat with dd about dating relationships/ sexuality in case that’s something that is confusing her at the moment? Otherwise I’d probably just monitor the situation before taking more formal action.

Dd doesn't really get what relationships actually mean but she has always been a late bloomer

Agree with others, these girls are not her friends. You aren’t being over sensitive. If anything you and your dd are being a bit niave! They are bullying her in a social, manipulative way. Even the girl your dd likes.

does she have other friends to hang out with? When she goes back to school she needs to completely step away from this group and focus on other friendships that don’t have this level of confusion. Friendships should be clear, not murky, and they should make you feel good about yourself. If this isn’t how your daughter feels 95% of the time with a friend, then they aren’t a proper friend. She needs to learn to put in boundaries and have an expectation of how she is treated.

is she ND?

Maybe that’s something worth chatting to her about? If only to keep her safe? Seems like it could be important..

They’re pulling a shitty little prank. Has she screen shotted it? She should just in case it escalates.

she should ignore, confronting or engaging won’t go well.

No don’t go to head of year. Just keep evidence in case it escalates. If it escalates when she’s back at school then do.

is send her to some drama classes to build her self confidence. She needs to learn to advocate for herself and not be pushed around.

You sound very immature I'm sceptical that this is real. If anyone was treating my child like that I'd be telling her to step away immediately. You said she already has other friends. Why bother with people that don't treat her nicely. Are they just friends on SM if so thats not a real friend. Is your child actually gay? Why would she entertain dating someone of the same sex to carry on a friendship? If she is not why are you not pissed off that the girls are taking the piss trying to coerce her into saying she is. Sounds to me like they are taking the absolute piss out of your kid and your letting it happen.

I'm trying to think how best to phrase this but you do seem to have some trouble understanding typical social interaction yourself OP. You do mention keeping to yourself as a teenager. Is there someone like a guidance counsellor or equivalent that your DD could talk to about what healthy friendship looks like?

She has screenshotted most of it luckily.

I’d make the school aware. They’ll know if these girls have done this kind of thing before and will know how best to handle it.

They talked on SM but were friendly in real life. I don't think my dd is actually gay cuz she has mentioned guys being cute before but not girls but she thought the girl was a good person so she entertained it. But really what do they even gain from coercing her into saying she is......

She has other friends to hang out with and they are not her "main" friends per se and the girl actually did make her feel good about herself mostly

They are not her friends !!! She was groomed into thinking that so that they could take the piss afterwards laughing at how naïve she is. Tell her to ONLY interact online with friends she sees irl to start with. She seems vulnerable and insecure and should stay away from popular girls who most often than not are mean girls.

Is it possible your DD maybe does like this girl. Or at least did? If she was entertaining the idea of them being a “thing.” It’s unlikely your DD thought it meant just being “besties”

Either way, it’s all very Mean Girls and I would advise watching this with your daughter.

I highly encourage your daughter to go back to school and sarcastically say “Must be because I have a biiiig lesbian crush on you!” And laugh heartily back at them.

Classic bullying tactic. Pretend someone’s romantically interested, keep pushing until victim is lured in, then reject them and laugh at them. Given the details, I think it’s possible the girls in question are homophobic and were trying to out your DD as gay. I think it possibly is worth reporting to head of year because of that aspect.

I'm a bit confused and as to who has done what. Does your DD actually fancy this girl and want to date her? Does your DD have SN? Why does she not understand what dating means at 16?

Either way these girls are bullying your DD. They are pretending she is their friend and then mocking her. If girl 1 was your DDs friend she would have immediately shut this down with your DD

Your DD sounds incredibly naive and a bit unsociable aware, this is exactly the type of girl the popular girls will bully and pull this technique on. Although I think 16 is a bit old for this it's a bullying technique used since the beginning of time

It's also yes a bullying tactic used by girls to try and out someone who they think is gay. These girls aren't your DDs friends and yes I would go to the head of year

You dd should become less available to these girls. Can she find someone or somewhere else to hang around so she is ‘too busy’ to interact? Including the one she likes, who is as dangerous as the rest of them.

Don't encourage her to accept bad treatment just to hold on to some crumbs.

If she doesn't learn to see herself with more value and worth than this, she will have a lifetime of abusive and toxic partners and friendships.

It doesn't matter that the girl made her feel good about herself sometimes. The girl is being mean, your DD deserves better than that.

Advise her to draw a line under any friendship with these girls and ignore them at school. Spend time with her other friends and put it behind her.