Guy just doesn’t speak

[Rememberthelittlesthobo]

Would you find it awkward?

A couple of times per week, I go to teach at a house, the child is amazing, dad is nice, but never really speaks to me, aside from to say Hi. He doesn’t engage in the normal social niceties most others do. It doesn’t actually bother me as I don’t love small talk, but will partake in it to be polite.
Is this normal, would you take it personally? I’m wondering if he’s neurodiverse perhaps

YABU, unless he isbeing rude.

I hate small talk, so will sooner retreat to my car, unless my spirit vibes with yours.

My daughter attends a dance studio - really good at what they do, but I cannot stand the owner. The only conversation she gets out of me is a hello, or the conversation she makes on the rare occasion I need to sign my daughter's out.
My daughter loves it, has made good friends and love the teachers, so I'm happy for her to continue. I will always be polite, but don't feel the need to be friendly.

Spot on, this is how I feel. He very very occasionally will make a comment, maybe about the dogs and how annoying they are (the mums, his ex, so not his dogs) but that is it, never about how she’s doing, the work and never ever anything about myself/my life..I don’t expect this at all, but also wonder if it’s a little weird after three years of being in someone’s home twice a week.

😅He’s British, but does have that Scandinavian vibe about him.

Wouldn't bother me, apart from the example he is setting his child

That’s a point, she often does look embarrassed and awkward when she comes in

I did did some self employed work where I entered peoples homes and loads of people don't do small talk. I even went into a couple of houses with full families in but they'd left the door open so I could just come in, do the job and go without disturbing them. They weren't working just watching the TV.

Some wanted to talk, some only wanted an update before I left, but most just said Hi and Bye.

But you're not visiting, you're there to do a job. If I'd booked an hour's tutoring for DC I'd want an hour's tutoring for DC, not eg 15mins small talk and 45mins tutoring.

Why do you think that's anything to do with the lack of small talk though?

I'd be embarrassed just to have a tutor, if I was a DC. All that one-to-one attention. It's intense. I'd have been mortified if my parents had arranged anything like that. Especially if it was school work or some other activity that wasn't my choice to be doing.

Even as an adult I hate if I've booked onto a group thing and it turns out there's only two of us or something. I like to lose myself in a crowd. I want to kick back and relax and enjoy whatever it is I'm learning/doing, I don't want to feel like I have to chat to the tutor/leader or other participants just to avoid awkward silences. I want help if I'm struggling with a particular point but I don't want to be the sole focus of their attention.

No it’s not that, she’s very comfortable and keen to have a tutor to get better results, plus she struggles a fair amount.

Ok…confession time..i’m not married, he’s divorced..I think I like him…I think that’s why I’d like to talk to him more, he’s shy though

🙄

Not trolling at all 😬

Ok then, assuming that’s true - he’s not into you. Give up and stop trying to mix business and pleasure. You’re there to teach, not daydream about being her stepmom.

You don't like small talk.
He doesn't like small talk.
Go with it.
Sounds perfect.

This.

People aren't complex, if he's not talking much to you it's because he doesn't want to.

There are more out there than someone who barely acknowledges you.

Maybe he likes you too lol and so makes him more shy than usual to make small talk. If it were me and you’re both adults, I’d just make the effort with the small talk and if he reciprocates then great but if not then you’ve lost nowt!

How much longer are you likely to be working there?

Yanbu to expect him to speak

It's human nature and friendly to speak to other people on this planet especially when they come to.your house.
He's probably got poor social skills, or no.personality or both.

How weird of you… maybe you’re both a good match.

Also, what is there to like about a man that will not speak to you?

But if you’re not bothered…why are you bothered? I don’t get this post at all. You’re there to do a job, everyone is pleasant and you get on and do it. Genuinely - what’s your post about and what’s the issue here?

Oh. Just read your update. So you are bothered.

I’d just leave the poor bloke in peace tbh.

I wouldn’t read it as shy. I’d read it as him having understood your interest and being very careful not to give you the wrong message.

So you fancy an older man who is your boss as he pays you to tutor his DD.
He's the strong but silent type as far as your concerned.
He's letting you crack on with tutoring his DD.
He's divorced and can afford a tutor, chances are if it's not a recent divorce he's met someone through his work.
If it's a recent divorce he's still getting through it.
Don't make it awkward by thinking you can make him notice you and suddenly realise you're the one he wants.
And ,with respect, to start a thread then admit your initial facts were spurious smacks of immaturity.
As a tutor you're supposed to be mature and professional.

My DH is like this. He has social anxiety, though, and finds small talk excruciating.

What a mean thing to say.

I have a child who has social anxiety and selective mutism, so cannot speak in certain situations.

He still has a wonderful personality, he just cannot share that part of him in some situations.