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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One day old baby in pub

785 replies

Frenchie01 · 09/04/2025 23:27

So family member gave birth to first baby yesterday afternoon, she's a very young mum only 17 , normal delivery but episiotomy, baby good weight healthy. Was discharged home today and a couple of hours later was at the local pub not drinking alcohol just showing baby off and eating a meal , but am I right in thinking a day old baby baby is really too young to be in a pub or anywhere really , also worried she should be resting as obviously will be sore. Other family members have said I'm being old fashioned am I.

OP posts:
Newnamesameme · 10/04/2025 07:57

Livingbytheocean · 10/04/2025 07:53

It is already a red flag that the parents as already putting their own wants and needs before the baby. Even on day one. It is not a good sign at all, that it hasn’t even occurred to them.

I would want to see them on a parenting class or a think first course, because it would appear they have limited capacity to put the needs of a highly vulnerable baby first.

’Showing off’ the baby aopears to take precedence over the well being and comfort of said child. I would have limited confidence in their ability to parent any children well, given that this is deemed acceptable to them.

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That you aunt Lydia!?

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 07:57

Anonym00se · 10/04/2025 07:41

I’m with you. I don’t think I even got dressed for at least a week after all of them. I was completely exhausted, in pain, I’d had about four minutes sleep and my breast were erupting!

Also I remember after my first (over 30 years ago) being told to keep baby indoors for 10 days. I had my 2nd 5 years later and that advice had changed.

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That's strange. my eldest is 34. I wasnever giving that advice about staying indoors. I wonder how gey expected you to take other kids to school etc ( no paternity leave then)

UrinalCake · 10/04/2025 07:57

Livingbytheocean · 10/04/2025 07:53

It is already a red flag that the parents as already putting their own wants and needs before the baby. Even on day one. It is not a good sign at all, that it hasn’t even occurred to them.

I would want to see them on a parenting class or a think first course, because it would appear they have limited capacity to put the needs of a highly vulnerable baby first.

’Showing off’ the baby aopears to take precedence over the well being and comfort of said child. I would have limited confidence in their ability to parent any children well, given that this is deemed acceptable to them.

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And what do your feelz have to do with Social Services?

KindLemur · 10/04/2025 07:57

Newnamesameme · 10/04/2025 07:15

You're not old fashioned, you are judgmental. She wasn't drinking. She was having a meal.

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I agree. Disgusting language - I don’t want my kids ‘cosseted at home’ anyway. We are out and about, well travelled and most days in the holidays on a train or bus by 9am going somewhere exciting. These boring kids who are encouraged to ‘potter at home’ with a routine down to the minute, mummy and daddy gasping in horror if a steak and chips at the village pub is mentioned because ‘we have kids! They’re in bed by 6.30pm!’ end up going absolutely off their heads at Uni because they are trying to break free of the constraints of their routine driven seen and not heard childhoods

Unorganisedchaos2 · 10/04/2025 07:58

JBJ · 09/04/2025 23:29

I had DS in a pub for a meal at 4 days old after I’d had a C section. Can’t really see a problem with it; there’s likely to be less germs than there was floating around in the hospital.

I did the same, we stopped at a pub for lunch after registering 5 day old DD. Got told off by a (I hope) well meaning old lady though!😅

TheJinxMinx · 10/04/2025 07:59

I think its the word pub used here but she wasn't drinking and having a meal, if it had of been a restaurant of local Cafe might it have caused a different reaction? Personally I wouldn't go out i would want the first few days just me and baby bonding and in our little bubble but at 17 I may have thought differently not sure

DappledThings · 10/04/2025 07:59

Livingbytheocean · 10/04/2025 07:56

Is the baby’s needs being putting first on the very first day of their life? No. Most definitely not.

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Their need to be cuddled and fed and kept warm and with a clean nappy? Er, yep those needs are being met perfectly well.

KindLemur · 10/04/2025 08:00

Also what a lot of the ‘elderly first time mum’ component on you get on this site is that they hate to hear teen mums doing well and like to tell themselves they have done the right thing by waiting until their bodies are almost knackered to have their first , and then are shocked when young, fit mums are fine after birth and they needed 6 weeks in a dark room being waited on hand and foot. My mum was 20 when she had my brother and then 21 when she had my sister, she was on the bus with an 18 month old and a 3 day old getting her weekly shop.

Rosejasmine · 10/04/2025 08:00

Wow she’s brave!
She wasn’t drinking alcohol, there is no smoking in the pub. She’s 17 and wanted to show off her new baby to her friends. Nothing wrong with that imo. Possibly she’ll regret it if she’s sore and tired afterwards. No way I could’ve done that, I was an absolute mess!

CurlewKate · 10/04/2025 08:02

Livingbytheocean · 10/04/2025 07:43

Babies find birth traumatic, their bodies are full of cortisol, and the shock of delivery regardless of how easy or otherwise is considerable.

The stress and sometimes pain can last a few days at least - why wouldn’t you want to make a baby comfortable and warm at home, to offer a quiet sanctuary to a tiny human being that has already just endured such an epic, exhausting delivery? So their tiny bodies can regulate, their central nervous systems can settle down, they are able to start to feel secure and bond with their mother?

Their immune systems are not fully developed at all, so why expose them to so many germs? Needless germs too, because although hospitals are essential to the baby’s safe delivery, a pub certainly isn’t essential is it.

I am just speechless anyone would even consider this to be in the best interests of the baby! Clearly it is not. It is what the parents want to do, and that is a very sad start to their lives.

Edited

A baby is comfortable and warm cuddled up to its mother. Mine spent most of their first weeks in a sling. They couldn’t have cared less whether they were at home or in Wetherspoons.

honeylulu · 10/04/2025 08:02

When my youngest was born she got carted everywhere straight away and she was nearly a month early. The day we came out of hospital we had to go straight to the tile shop as we were in the middle of having the bathroom redone (not great timing). Then had to take son to his gym class and sit in the hall with other parents. Then to a friend's curry night down the road - had no food in so perfect! The next day we went to local beer festival (outdoors) for an hour or so as midwife was encouraging me to be active and walk every day - older mum so slight increased risk of embolism. The next day went out for lunch in town. All good, baby slept all the time and I felt great.

There is no smoking in pubs any more. Can't see the problem.

Babybirdaugust · 10/04/2025 08:04

Middleagedstriker · 10/04/2025 00:18

I was at a wedding with dc3 at 3 days old (family wedding that they planned around mine and the brides due dates) dc3 was 2 weeks late!

I had an episiotomy and the first day or second day the anaesthetic must still have been effective so I walked to the park … big mistake… sutures dehissed and I sure felt it on the 3rd day. Finally healed after 4/5 months. I blame the fact the hospitals don’t give you any advice or they didn’t in my case. It was the community midwife on day 5 who said why the hell did you walk to the park? So I get where you’re coming from.

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:05

kanaka · 10/04/2025 01:04

If the pub is busy, it’s a poor choice for a newborn due to vulnerability/immature immune system.

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A hospital would be better then ?

Whatafustercluck · 10/04/2025 08:08

I was at a cafe the following day. And pretty sure we went to the pub a couple of days later too - with both of mine. I don't think her being a young mum has anything to do with this tbh, so assume you mention her age to indicate that she's already being irresponsible. I was 32 and 38 years old respectively when I had mine.

KindLemur · 10/04/2025 08:10

this thread is making me realise there are some absolute drama queens out there and that I am indeed very laid back. Cortisol release and safe sanctuaries for newborns…. Christ on a bike how do some people get through the day 😂

Highhillsarebest · 10/04/2025 08:11

I'm old fashioned. I couldn't sit down for a week and could barely walk either from stitches. The idea of seeing people while also bleeding profusely- no thank you!

I also don't think it's good to expose a day old baby to all the germs around from other people at such a young age.

Gogogo12345 · 10/04/2025 08:12

TheIceBear · 10/04/2025 07:13

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it as long as no one smoking around the baby. I wouldn’t have been able to face that myself I was just too wrecked. I admire her energy.

You do realise that smoking has been banned in pubs and other public places since 2007 ???

RobertaFirmino · 10/04/2025 08:13

I'd have been pleased to see her getting on with life. She's got some hard times ahead of her, let her relax while she can.

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/04/2025 08:14

I think it would have been amazing to have been well enough to get out an about with my first so soon. Instead of being in hospital nearly a week after and unable to sit properly for 6 months.

Good for her!

RB68 · 10/04/2025 08:14

At least she is not standing at the stove with baby trying to cook. I think its fine - will have been family members with baby - same as hospital. Everyone to their own. I maybe wouldn't have done it but its not like 30 yrs ago when it was a sticky grimy smokey experience

custardandpie · 10/04/2025 08:18

I don't know how women do it honestly. hats off to them but I stuck to my ethnic tradition which is staying at home for 40ish days. I stand by this ( did a few nursery runs though). Surely there's a reason most cultures around the world historically have a period of rest and isolation for the baby and mother right?

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 10/04/2025 08:18

KindLemur · 10/04/2025 07:57

I agree. Disgusting language - I don’t want my kids ‘cosseted at home’ anyway. We are out and about, well travelled and most days in the holidays on a train or bus by 9am going somewhere exciting. These boring kids who are encouraged to ‘potter at home’ with a routine down to the minute, mummy and daddy gasping in horror if a steak and chips at the village pub is mentioned because ‘we have kids! They’re in bed by 6.30pm!’ end up going absolutely off their heads at Uni because they are trying to break free of the constraints of their routine driven seen and not heard childhoods

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The 'cosseted at home' comment was about newborn babies, not older children. It's hardly 'disgusting language' to talk about caring for and nurturing a brand new baby. Although it seems the modern way is to just sling the kid into a pram and crack on doing whatever you like, so what do I know.

UrinalCake · 10/04/2025 08:19

Highhillsarebest · 10/04/2025 08:11

I'm old fashioned. I couldn't sit down for a week and could barely walk either from stitches. The idea of seeing people while also bleeding profusely- no thank you!

I also don't think it's good to expose a day old baby to all the germs around from other people at such a young age.

You can't be that old fashioned. Women used to stay in hospital for much longer than we typically do now after birth, with corresponding exposure to other patients, hospital staff and visitors. And their germs. My mum was in for a few days after all her babies in the 80s. Add up all the midwives, doctors, orderlies, cleaning staff, porters and visitors... that's a lot of people's germs!

CurlewKate · 10/04/2025 08:23

There are a lot of “scrub the front doorstep every day or what would the neighbours think?” types on here!

NapTrappedAgain · 10/04/2025 08:24

We took our DC to the pub at a week old. It was a heatwave and we needed to get out of the world’s hottest flat. The non-alcoholic beer was just a bonus. It was a family friendly pub on a quiet lunchtime though. The only other couple anywhere near us were absolutely thrilled at the tiny baby!

In your defence though OP I did have an episiotomy that ended up reopening so maybe it is overdoing it. Although in my defence absolutely nobody told me to rest or made out there was any sort of aftercare required at all.