One day old baby in pub

[Frenchie01]

So family member gave birth to first baby yesterday afternoon, she's a very young mum only 17 , normal delivery but episiotomy, baby good weight healthy. Was discharged home today and a couple of hours later was at the local pub not drinking alcohol just showing baby off and eating a meal , but am I right in thinking a day old baby baby is really too young to be in a pub or anywhere really , also worried she should be resting as obviously will be sore. Other family members have said I'm being old fashioned am I.

Ummm…that post is defending the 17yr old (and any other mother who wants to leave the house in the first month) from the judgement shown on this thread.

You’re hilarious.

I'd feel gutted if my dd had got pregnant at 17 - gutted at how life-limiting it might be - she'd would have still been a child - insisting she doesn't go for lunch after giving birth won't result in her growing up any quicker - that will take years.
The PFB thing is a nonsense though, you are being very short sighted if you think the only reason to criticize something is because you felt judged about it. Those days are well behind me. We all know mum's who were very pfb - a nightmare to know even briefly- but I'm sure they select other parents with the same attitude as friends or they get over it, as they are insufferable.

This scenario is the first day

So?

I think that’s a really sad outlook, assuming the girl wanted to have a baby. When I was that age, it was quite common to have children at 18, and many of our friends had completed their families by their early 20s. They were then able to have a lot more freedom in their 40s and 50s than most people now. One of my best friends at school for pregnant just before she turned 15. I’ve been in touch with her from time to time over the last 50 years and she’s had a very happy life. I remember her meeting the father of her baby when we were 14, and her telling me that they would stay together forever. She was right - they got married when she was 16, had a second baby when she was 17, and they were together and still very much in love until he died in his 60s. Once her children were at school, she was able to work part time and gradually increased her hours, and had a career that she really enjoyed. It was difficult for her when she was pregnant because girls were always expelled from our school in those days, but she still carried on studying and passed several O levels with good grades. I don’t think she would describe having a baby when she was very young as life limiting - she was, and still is, one of the happiest people I’ve ever known.

Took mine scuba diving on the way home…we shared the mask. He loved it.

Ok.

You have not convinced me. 17 is too young. What's done is done.

I don’t think 17 is necessarily too young at all. It certainly wasn’t the case when I was a teen, but many of todays teens are so molly coddled and unworldly that I think there are probably fewer young women who would make good mothers at that age than there used to be.

I agree. Remaining with the father of your baby as a 15/16/17 year old is extremely rare. Teenage years should be spent being educated, travelling or just generally living the life of a single, carefree young person. Not raising a child.
I’d be incredibly disappointed if any of my children did this. I’d support them, but I’d privately be devastated for them.

ETA I was agreeing with you @bigcushionlover - sorry if that wasn’t obvious!

I felt invincible after having DD1 and would certainly have gone out for tea!! Good for her! DD2 I don’t think I got out of bed for a week, the child ruined me!

@SwingTheMonkey Yes, I agree it’s rare nowadays, but it was far more common when I was a teen, and people generally took marriage much more seriously and if they had problems, which I’m sure most people experience, they used to work at their relationship and not walk away for the sort of daft reasons that so many people do now. I think that in most respects, 15 year olds were way way more mature in the 1979s than they are now.

Im not sure thats necessarily a good thing on either counts. 15 year olds should be immature. My eldest is 15. I shudder to think of him as a father. Hes got years ahead of him to have fun before he settles down to have kids.

With regards to sticking with someone you’ve had to marry because you got pregnant,
regardless of whether you’re happy or not - yeah I think it’s a good thing that people don’t stay married because of any sense of shame. I married the wrong person when I was 23. Thank fuck I divorced him with no shame and met my current husband who I’ve been married to for 16 years.

I’m with you op. I think it’s crazy to bring a 1 day old baby to a pub.

@Growlybear83 I'm in my 50s, it was too young when I was 17 - more was expected of me and my peers. My mother was educated and started her family at 30 - had 6 kids and then continued her career. She always encouraged us to get our life sorted before starting a family, live our lives before settling down if that's what we wanted - she was a catholic so in no way was she suggesting we slept around but she did not want us to get stuck at home with a baby when we had so much more to see and do - too many women had kids too young.

Sorry, I don’t understand your point.

Some of you guys don’t live in deepest, darkest Sussex like I do. The pubs round here are so bougie you’re most likely to bump into a famous person-turned-country-gent.

I didn’t mean it quite like that. I don’t agree with people having to marry out of a sense of shame because they’re pregnant, and that wasn’t what my friend who got pregnant very young did. I was meaning it in a more general way, that I think some people don’t take their marriages seriously enough nowadays and don’t realise how hard you have to work at them at times. But of course some people make mistakes when they marry or find themselves in impossible situations where they can’t continue with a relationship, and have to end it. I would never suggest that it’s ideal to have a baby at 14 or 15, but i do think teenagers are far less mature than they were in the 1960s and 197Os. I don’t see 17 as necessarily being so young that it would be a disappointment to their parents, if that’s what they want from their lives.

I was discharged just 8 hours after having my second baby. We had no food in so H and I ended up going into supermarket on the way home from the hospital, with baby. Felt very surreal but I was happy to do it. I think I was very very hungry.

But why? The baby will be in her mother's arms, babies have always gone with their mothers to whatever the mother is doing. A 17 year old is likely very resilient and able to be out and about.

Says who? It is still very much recommended by paediatricians around the world.

The real danger that's arisen from COVID is the mistaken belief that you need to be exposed to viruses to build immunity to them - this is fine if your exposure is through vaccines, but it's really foolish to expose yourself to infections in the hopes of gaining immunity. People seem to now be conflating exposure to a bit of dirt (good) with exposure to viral pathogens (bad). Chicken pox parties were always a terrible idea.

Thinking logically, how does it make sense to 'get sick to avoid getting sick'? And all the more dangerous for a newborn with a very fragile respiratory system, where the slightest cold can be extremely dangerous, not to mention flu/covid/RSV/measles etc.

IMO it is not ok for a 17-year-old to have a child because "that's what they want from their lives" - if they want a child they should ensure they can financially support that child and there are not many 17-year-olds who are economically independent, never mind the emotionally resilient enough to take care of a baby 24/7.

@bigcushionloverBut teenagers are only less emotionally resilient nowadays because they have been brought up so differently to the way slightly older generations were. I was economically independent at 16, as were many of my friends, and was completely able to support myself at that age. I had friends who just wanted to have children and bring them up, and as I said in an earlier post, we have many friends who had completed their families by thwir early twenties. I didn’t want children when I was younger, but if a child is planned and wanted, and younger parents are able to support it, I really don’t see an issue in general with a 17 year old having a baby.

pub the ideal place then - have first shots while there

Sounds a healthier attitude than the pregnant women that post on AIBU seeking confirmation that it's normal to expect a three month period with no visits from close family or the dreaded in laws.