To wonder how common it is for people not to pay back money they owe?

[HardyTurtle]

Have you ever owed someone money and just… not given it back? What happened? Was it intentional or did circumstances get in the way? On the flip side, have you ever been in a situation where someone owed you money but never repaid it? How did you handle it?

Not me, but a friend lent money (a few thousand) to a colleague four years ago. They had a signed contract and he had three properties at the time (was selling one) so it seemed fine. He never paid. My friend has done everything to get her money back - police, court, bailiffs etc - but still hasn't been repaid. Meanwhile, the colleague goes out, goes on holiday, buys cars etc, and makes empty promises. Sometimes it seems the law isn't working properly.

Why doesn't she go to the small claims court?

No i always pay people back if it's a small amount I may need a reminder but then I would give it straight away. A larger amount I would remember

Never have, never will.

I'd put in an official grievance at work ... see how he likes that.

I don’t lend money to people, or borrow it from them, because that way madness lies.

She has - and has won a judgement against him. It turned out he's got numerous CCJs already; he's learnt that he can just ignore them! Honestly, I've been astounded at how powerless the law seems to be.

I think there are two kind of people, those who do and those who don't.

I've actually paid back some money I owed today, I've been chasing the man for his bank details all week, it bothered me until it was done (it was my share of costs he paid for a group).

I don't really lend money to anyone, unless it's something similar where I've booked for a group. I have reliable friends I'll pay up front for and who pay me instantly as soon as I tell them whats due. For the others I collect in advance.

It's not so much that I'm worried about losing the money, more the damage it does to friendships when it goes wrong.

Why would the police get involved in a civil dispute?

@CallMeDaphne The police were involved when he came round to her house and was threatening - so in that instance the debt was incidental.

I've watched Can't Pay We'll Take It Away. High Court enforcement have so much power

Yes - she's not given up and is taking it further. Unfortunately, most actions cost money and, having lent him that money, she doesn't have much left.

Most people who borrow from friends and family do so because they are not credit worthy. If they were credit worthy they could borrow from a bank. Hardly a surprise then that people deemed a poor risk by professional financial institutions turn out to be just that.

I don't lend money at all to people. If someone was really on their arse I would just give them the money if I could afford it (must likely I couldn't afford it so would say no anyway or give them £20 to buy food or something).

If someone has bought something for me like tickets etc.... I pay as soon as they have bought them. No one should be out money just cos lazy arsed people can't be bothered to pay.

I have been fortunate enough to have never borrowed money. I have lent money, to both my adult children.DD sets up a direct debit to pay it back, and usually pays it back earlier than she planned. DS has never paid us back, so we don't lend to him any more. It is the disrespect ore than the money. We also have a cousin who has got into a mess with his business and we have lent him up to £5k, but it has always taken longer than he says, so have cut back and stopped lending to him. He still owes £500 from about 3 years ago. He only ever phones us when he wants to borrow more, never just for a catch up, but he will never get another penny from us.

I have never not been paid. And I have lent money multiple times.
To a young friend of DS who had messed up her uni grant application.
To a person who couldn't afford an emergency flight to India for a funeral.
For at least two lots of house deposits
Everyone has always paid as soon as possible and in general even before the time scale we agreed.
I have been pleased to lend it and never let down.

Never a borrower or lender be here. I've helped out in a small way, but never when asked and have seen far too much payback avoidance to ever lend money to anyone.

i lend it once in reasonable sums, then wait for repayment before they borrow again but its never over £100 that i lent

I've once lent money and not being paid back. I have also bought tickets and not been paid back. My fault for not asking, partly.
Nowadays I only gift money rather than lending it, it's too horrible not to get it back especially with someone you care about.

Wouldn't be the first time. Journalists, or what passes for a journalist these days, are often forum stalkers!

No, it's not just you. I normally spot them and don't respond, but I'm tired today. Oh well. They have my contribution gratis this time, not that it was at all interesting!

Lent brother a 4 figure sum without discussing with DP, DB earns more than DP and me but had a 'temporary' issue. Agreed to pay the following month when he was selling a car but it never transpired, loads of excuses and a £50 a month agreement. 5 years later still still owed most of the money. Most galling was seeing him and his family on holidays while we couldn't afford one.
DP was close to walking as the year before I helped out another family member who didn't repay, and after years of combining our money, we now have separate accounts as he says he cannot trust me not to do it again. Sadly I think I would as I hate to see people struggling.

I think a certain percentage of people who need to borrow are bad with money anyway. That doesn’t auger well for getting it back, as they’re probably unrealistic about their ability to save it.

What is the AIBU here?
But the adage 'neither a borrower nor a lender be', is a good one to live by.