To wonder how common it is for people not to pay back money they owe?

[HardyTurtle]

Have you ever owed someone money and just… not given it back? What happened? Was it intentional or did circumstances get in the way? On the flip side, have you ever been in a situation where someone owed you money but never repaid it? How did you handle it?

I've only ever borrowed from the bank (mortgage) and once from my older sister when I had just finished uni and starting a new job which required a bit of outlay for new clothes /new bag etc to look the part. I paid back everything as soon as possible.

On the other hand, I lost a "good friend" several years later when I became her overdraft provider i.e. Every month she came to me looking for a sub to tide her over until payday. This started off as maybe 20 quid for food etc but the amounts increased to the point I must've pretty much owned her car at this point.

Repayments were never on time or in full. I was easily a couple of grand short at the point when she decided to take 3 months off work to go to Australia/New Zealand with her boyfriend. To add insult to injury, she went and spent hundreds on a new camera for this "once in a lifetime holiday".

When I asked her about maybe repaying me first if she had surplus money, she totally went off on one and completely ghosted me thereafter.

I realise I was a complete fool. But weirdly I still miss her (over 20 years on) and sometimes wonder if I should have just left it.

This is really sad that you’d put the good feeling you get from helping people above your own DP and his feelings. It makes no sense at all.

Similar. Someone owes us £8 k and we got a CCJ against him. Meant nothing. He declared himself to be bankrupt- but he owns a helicopter and a small plane which he is always showing off on social media and changed his name by deed poll so when the bailliffs came he was able to 'prove' it wasn't him. The situation is ongoing......

I don't know. I almost never lend money, if I do it is only small amounts, and I have always been paid back.

I would hazard a guess that relatively large amounts (in the hundreds or low thousands) are the least likely to be paid back. In my opinion you would have to be a CF to ask to borrow an amount like that without signing some sort of agreement, and if you're a CF you're more likely to not pay back.

I have a friend who had no scruples about "borrowing" clothes or food from cupboards when we were at uni, but every time I've lent her money it's been a relatively small amount and she's paid me back ASAP.

I’ve lent money on only a few occasions. One I’d completely forgotten about, - think it was £20- then received it in the post years later with a thank you letter.
And another time £100 that I was prepared not to get back, but she came round and repaid after a month.

I won't borrow more than a pound or two and always pay back ASAP.
I learned my lesson years ago by lending SIL £600 (a lot of money then) and she wouldn't pay back for about a year. It was only when I told her parents and they were furious with her that she repaid.

I lend to my children but they insist on paying me back. My revolting, gambling, lying, cheating ex borrowed money from a lot of my family members behind my back, and it was terrible when it all came to light. I had to take out loans in order to pay them back. Took me years to recover, financially. One of the reasons he's an ex.

We lent 2 grand to a friend of DH who was going to pay it back in 3 months. Never saw a penny of it - excuse after excuse... I refuse to have anything to do with the guy these days, though I think DH is still in contact. It upset me a lot as it was a large part of a very small inheritance I'd received - money that was worked hard for by family member and I had ultimately wanted to do something for dd with it.

@goingbackyou hate to see people struggle, but it’s ok for your DP and you to struggle while you dole out your cash to others? I don’t get it. You need to rethink your priorities.

Oddly some people who borrow money actually get bitter about having to pay it back. It’s like their brain forgets the benefit of the money they borrowed and all they see is the pain of paying it back. Seen so many stories of people falling out with friends who get an attitude about paying back what they owe. I think it’s a psychological issue for many people, they are just low IQ and unable to think logically which is probably why they are poor too.

@PeonyBlushSuede fortunately the poster who gave money to her brother is not married.

I have never borrowed or lent money.

I think lending to family is slightly different to lending to friends, particularly colleagues, newish partners or other not very close friends.

As much as I say I'd never lend money, if it was my Sis or Mum I might think differently.

You are so incredibly condescending I can hardly believe it. The arrogance is astounding.

It says she’s done police , court and bailiffs.

I have never done this but had it done to me several times . Never again.

Not a loan, but I sold something to a friend and assumed I would be paid for it on the day she took it away. She asked, after loading it on a trailer, if she could pay later. Several years on, despite sending constant reminders, she still owes me money. I offered to take the item back, but she still wants it. It has completely ruined the friendship unfortunately. I have contemplated small claims but couldn't bring myself to do it. The ex-friend is a complete needy drama queen so I decided it just wasn't worth the emotional aggravation that would be caused as she would 100% play the victim and would be crying on the phone for hours and hours asking for extra time because of some hardship or other. Instead I have just given up on her until the day she suddenly decides to pay up, if she ever does.

I lent 2.000€ to a friend I had known for about 1 year. Hadn't known him long but we became close quickly. Agreed a payment plan before I lent it and told him he must stick to as I was looking to buy a house withing 12 months and needed the money myself.
He paid back on time without any issues. At the time he was just graduating university and needed money to move to another city to take up a job.
He has since been in stable employment for 10 years and still has not built up any savings. Money just seems to slip through his fingers and he is in my option quite financially irresponsible so I would not lend to him again If he ever asked.

I remember borrowing a fiver off another student on my course but I didn't know him very well many years ago when I was a student. I got caught short at the till when I went to pay and realised I'd left my purse at home. I completely forgot about it, he didn't say anything. Then I had one of those lightbulb type moments probably a couple of months later and remembered I'd borrowed the money and not paid it back. I gave it back to him the next day with profuse apologies and an explanation. That I can still remember how awful I felt about it 40 years on probably has an influence on my views on lending/borrowing money. I try not to borrow and would always make a note of it now. I'm not keen on lending, only to certain people I know well and never large amounts. As evidenced on this thread there are many pisstakers about who have no intention of paying their debts.

How much money was it?

This has been my experience too- people quickly forget your generosity and kindness and get irrationally angry at you for daring to politely request it back as agreed, as if you are the one out of line in this situation.

It's bizarre- you do them a favour but all you get is aggro back. Its not worth it and I wont lend due to this.

It certainly wasn’t meant to come across that way and I apologise if it did.

We obviously don’t have the full story it could be her DP is controlling around the money. Or it could be the poster is lending money they potentially can’t afford to people who will likely not pay it back.

I’m all for being kind but you do also have to put your own life jacket on first.

Lending money to someone who has shown they won’t pay it back, while also going on holidays, is not someone that respects you and the favour you have done them in lending them money.

Exactly. It's a bit annoying when people assume you haven't tried x, y or z when you've tried everything and got nowhere. The bailiffs have repeatedly visited this man but he never answers the door to them and parks his car on the next street. He knows all the tricks and probably no longer cares about CCJs, court actions, claims on his houses (yes- he has more than one) etc because they don't seem to affect him at all.

I always pay people back as soon as possible (I never borrow money though. It’s just situations where somebody paid for me and I am reimbursing them.)

As a general rule I don’t lend money to anybody. I have paid for people to be reimbursed. If anybody fails to reimburse me once I never ever pay for them again.

I did have to take a former housemate to court for money owed. Luckily I knew where he worked so they could deduct the amount straight from his salary.

That’s awful. A sad lesson learned but no effing way is somebody with three properties going to get a loan from me!

And certainly not a colleague.