To wonder how common it is for people not to pay back money they owe?

[HardyTurtle]

Have you ever owed someone money and just… not given it back? What happened? Was it intentional or did circumstances get in the way? On the flip side, have you ever been in a situation where someone owed you money but never repaid it? How did you handle it?

The only people who have ever asked me for money were people who I knew for a fact were financially irresponsible and frittered their money away on crap. Eg telling me they were "broke" but then the next day showed me the designer handbag they'd bought etc Therefore, I never lend people money.

If someone was genuinely broke and couldnt afford food etc then of course I would give them a small amount in an emergency but in my experience, the people who ask are people who cant control their spending.

Lending financially irresponsible people money wont actually help them - it's just enabling their spending addiction and causing a deeper hole. Some of those people I mentioned above now have IVAs and actually it's been helpful for them because its forced them to budget and stop throwing money away on unnecessary stuff. If you really want to help people in debt the best way is to help them budget and signpost them to debt agencies/charities who will help them with financial planning. Far more helpful for them than just giving them more money that they are unable to pay back. Of course, they wont like it, but they arent entitled to other people's money.

Aren't you going to share your story op?

I think you think to look inwards and think why you are actually always lending money. Would you seriously risk your marriage on this - that shows a lack of respect for your husband. If I was already having to separate finances with husband as couldn’t be trusted to give it away I think it would be close to the end for the marriage already

Some people I know who seem to be continually lending money to others, with mixed results at payback, will also say they can’t bear to see someone struggle. But the true reason is they like being the ‘rescuer’ and ‘saving’ the poor person out of whatever financial mess they are in.

From the snippet you have posted here and your husbands reaction it sounds like this is not a one off, you have lent multiple times to people that have not paid back. You said they’re going on holiday and you can’t afford it - so you are doing a detriment to your own family by lending. Do you have children? Do they miss out on stuff cause you lend money out.

I am not saying this to be mean but to hopefully get you to think deeper and consider the potential impact this has on your life before it’s too late.

I’ve never borrowed money from anyone.

One of my siblings keeps borrowing money from my parents and then never pays it back.

I don't borrow money. If someone buys tickets or something I will transfer straight away. It's so rude for someone to do a favour and then have to chase for payment.

In my experience lots of people borrow and dont repay and in most cases they don't intend to. That's the really annoying thing - why ask to "borrow" when you know you actually mean "give me"? I no longer lend money as I've been stung too many times like this (small amounts but when I was on a tight income I really felt it). People would make out they'd forgotten and then get huffy.

Most common excuse was "oh FGS it's only a tenner" as if I should have just let it go.

For larger amounts it was "it's going to leave me short to pay you back and you had it to spare" entitlement.

Blood boiling! If someone really needed money I would prefer to give it to them and not have the resentment.

Its very common for people to not pay back money they owe- just do a search and you'll see.

I never lend money any more. I only ever did it once and it ruined a friendship. Lent a friend money on the basis they would pay it back and got all kinds of BS excuses as to why they couldnt and could they just wait a few more months. I no longer speak to her and I never got my money back.

I will never do it again.

If she has a court order why hasn’t she enforced it?

Sorry seen this.

Why hasn’t she taken steps to bankrupt him?

It would be interesting if someone could explain the thought process of the type of person who thinks it's OK to spend all their own money on non essentials and then try to guilt friends and family with 'can you help me out I can't pay the rent, electricity, feed the DC' etc because that's what the people who're always borrowing money seem to do.

They look at other people with savings and never seem to appreciate that they have money put aside, often not because they have more money than them, but because they've gone without the nice things that they've spent all their money on and are now crying poverty about being unable to pay for essentials and seem to feel it's OK to ask others to cover these for them, so they can carry on treating themselves. Surely no-one thinks this is OK?

I've never borrowed more than the cost of a washing machine, from my sister, and paid her back, in full, when I got my salary paid, two weeks later.
I did lend my close friend £3k as we were going on an expensive holiday (my family and hers) and she found out that her husband had a massive tax bill (self employed). So I lent her the holiday money. Neither my husband, nor hers, knew and, 10 years later, they still don't know.
She paid me back over a year.
I would do it again for a close friend.

I lent £100 about 30 years ago. It was a lot to me at the time. Never got it all back. Would never lend that sort of money again.

I'd lend £30 max if someone was emergency stuck, lost or forgotten wallet and wasn't able to access money but needed money to fill the car to get home or to buy lunch.

And I'd borrow on that basis too. Especially before having cards on my phone. I'd swap handbags and forget to put my purse back or take it out to buy stuff online.

But I wouldn't lend for a night out because someone was skint to pay day.

It would be interesting if someone could explain the thought process of the type of person who thinks it's OK to spend all their own money on non essentials and then try to guilt friends and family with 'can you help me out I can't pay the rent, electricity, feed the DC' etc because that's what the people who're always borrowing money seem to do

Personally, what I have picked up is people's definitions of "broke" vary wildly. The people I have encountered take broke to mean: "I want a certain level of lifestyle and I cant afford it, therefore I am broke". Most people would consider being broke to mean "I cant afford necessities" but these people aspire to live a standard of lifestyle that they simply cant afford so they frame it as being broke rather than acknowledging that they are living way beyond their means. I think its a combination of personal entitlement and the fact that society has pushed a whole "buy now, pay later" narrative on us that encourages this kind of irresponsible spending.

Believe me, she - and others - have done everything they can over the last two years, and are still trying. It's really not as easy as it might appear to be on TV!

In terms of money I don't tend to lend what I can't afford. Recently a friend of mine of 18 years I lent money not a great deal and I never have before, she was hard up and I had to chase her for it so made a mental note not to do that again. Outside of money, I have a terrible habit of lending things to help others or giving things away to help someone and don't get anything in return. For example, a friend of mine years back had her child 6 months after me so I had all new baby things that she needed and I gave to her as didn't use, I didn't get anything for it and I probably gave her £500 worth of things, even a thank you would have been enough. I let that go, then early this year (same friend) hinted at wanting to go to an event I definitely wouldn't choose to go to but was going through difficulty so I paid for us both on the pretence that she was giving it back the following month (her half) and still haven't seen it. It hurts relationships on my opinion, it's not just about the money itself but you're trusting someone to keep their word and they don't and it causes chaos. I personally wouldn't like to be that individual who doesn't help anyone in fear I may be done over, but its difficult to give when you keep getting let down

1. An old neighbour, only ever paid back a bit. Still owed £550. I learned my lesson about being kind when someone cries anout their kids etc.
2. An old landlord deposit pre-schemes, chased them but small claims coirt costs money, cousins were calling up shouting etc. Owed £800. Never rented again and there are schemes now, so couldn't happen again anyway.
3. Bits and pieces of £10/£20/£50 to various people.

In the grand scheme of things, they were annoying at the time, but the annoyance would do me more damage than the financial loss. I'm more careful about lending to sob stories now, and chase up money owed by friends promptly (pay tomorrow so it's confirmed before event or happy to invite someone else, let me know...).

I went on a bottomless brunch this week. £32 each. One of the group paid for everyone and said don’t worry you can just get the next round. It crossed my mind to do that as I am skint but it didn’t seem right so I transferred her the £32. I did get the next round but we had diet cokes as we had had enough alcohol. So I think if you don’t have a lot of money it’s human nature to think about not paying back but I don’t think it’s very nice to actually not pay back. (Maybe some people are nicer than me and wouldn’t even think about it. Who knows.)

In my experience, it's often the people who have plenty of money who don't think about paying back or sharing bills fairly. Because they've never had to worry about money, they find it difficult to understand what it's like to have to count every penny.

I'm always lending my BIL money but he always pays me back the full amount before I lend to him again. I sent him £100 this morning! He is so hardworking but has made a few mistakes in the past (including lending money to someone who didn't pay him back!).

It says she tried court

I’ve made a holiday booking on behalf of a group of friends by putting it in my credit card and them all sending me their share but even that stressed me out waiting for the money to be paid back - which it was, quickly and on time by everyone!

I’ve been asked and refused to act as a guarantor for someone because I knew fine well I couldn’t afford to pay it if they didn’t. It was awkward at the time but ultimately they still managed to move so
someone must have done it.

I’m fortunate that I’ve never been in the position of having to ask friends and family for loans but when my mum died and I was arranging the funeral 4 different people (my in-laws, my best friend, my best friends parents and a friend of my mum) asked if I needed to borrow money to pay for it while her estate was being handled. It was a local solicitor handling the estate and a local funeral director dealing with the funeral so the bills went to the solicitor and were paid direct from the estate but it was incredibly touching that people offered to help out.

We’re owed over £500 by one person who’s showing no signs of paying it back. As for Child maintenance, that runs into thousands and it’s looking like I’ll never get it. I’ve always paid people promptly eg tradesmen but I never borrow from family and friends, personal rule of mine.

I love that programme haven't watched it in years

I've lent money twice (small amounts on here,but money I couldn't afford to lose)

One-she pleads poverty at every turn but can afford endless crap (I didn't know this at the time) it's bills she doesn't want to pay
She's squared it in her own head as she lives alone and has two pets (she couldn't afford to keep the first one,so bought another) and I have two incomes (dp and i) so can afford to let it go

Two-utter sponger
Had two kids,didn't feed them properly (1 happy meal between two kids was normal) to the point ss got involved and her ex spent all her money on weed and booze
I had some sympathy as I've been there myself with a cocklodger,but she could afford to go on a nice holiday,bin the cocklodger,do her new house up and have two more babies with her new fella
In her head,I'm loaded as I work and she doesn't,so she doesnt see why she should pay me back as i can afford it ( I really couldnt)
She's now running out of people to sponge from

I loaned a friend money years ago that she didn't pay back. I was too embarrassed to ask for it.

THEN years later, she asked to borrow money again. I loaned it to her because I knew she had things hard. This time she paid it back, unasked. I think the first time she genuinely forgot.

This nails it.

When I need money I don't have I use my credit card, overdraft or apply for a loan. It has not occurred to me to ask friends for money since uni when everyone was borrowing £20 here and there until loans/grants/pocket money came in!