If you had the chance to put your Dc in private school, would you?

[Thisyeargflewby]

We may have the opportunity.

We are an average family, not hugely wealthy like some of the families (not all though)

Would you, it you could? If so, why?

If you have put your child in private school, what are your reasons for doing so?

It really upsets me on these threads where private kids are dismissed as entitled twats and spoonfed dimwits. I've taught in both sectors and there are all kinds of kids in all kinds of schools. The difference is that private schools are able to.remove the most disruptive or disengaged, though you naturally get fewer of those. The vast majority of kids I encounter in the private sector are wonderful young people, motivated, driven, entirely aware that their world is rarefied and actually, through exposure to international boarders and those who really scrape to afford fees, are in the midst of a very diverse group, just more culturally diverse than economic. At the pit village comp down the road it's 98% white British and economically homogenous.

If it was a good school, better than local state schools, and seemed to fit my child's educational and other needs, yes of course I would.

No, but only because we live in proximity to an excellent state school that our dcs loved and thrived at. They have come out as confident and happy as I ever could have hoped, the level of support from teachers and the school was very good, they have both done very well academically, they have an amazing community of friends and they have gone out into the world fully competent at mixing with all strata of society; their friends vary between private and state and l’ve noticed that in our little bubble it would be difficult to tell the difference between who went where. I’m very happy that we opted to save money and go state - financially, going private would have been a huge sacrifice for us.

I must admit I’m a little judgy of parents who have access to good state schools who make the choice to flagellate themselves on the altar of private education if it involves massive compromises. However, I totally understand why some parents whose only state choices are so dire they would do whatever they can to send their children private. So to me, your question op really depends on what the state options are like near you and how much the implications of private education are going to impact you and your family.

No. I'd rather my DD had the money for driving lessons, house deposit, uni costs etc. Her secondary school was definitely average and had the usual behavioural problems but she did well and is absolutely thriving at 6th form college. If we were in an area where she's likely to be stabbed or live in fear at school maybe we'd have reconsidered.

(In reality we'd have probably done what every other person round here seems to do and tutor the hell out of her to get her into the very selective grammar.)

At least your’re honest that you used money to tutor for grammar.
Many on this thread who self righteously declare they use state for the greater good of all children cannot see the privilege their DC have over many within England - tutoring, books at home, music lessons, sports clubs, parents who are engaged enough to plan for the children’s future (house deposits) etc and I would bet: a decent house in the catchment area of a pretty decent state school.

What nonsense. This is the silly, blinkered faux logic of people who can’t understand why someone who could buy privilege won’t . DS goes to the geographically nearest school, and has always done so, wherever we’ve lived, and we’ve chosen where to live for proximity to work, currently in a very mixed area near the city centre. He is not tutored, hasn’t the remotest interest in music lessons, the football club he goes to is in a deprived area, and costs almost nothing, books from the library are free. He certainly won’t have a house deposit. We are supporting our parents, who live on tiny state pensions. There won’t be an inheritance. The only privilege he has isn’t economic, and that’s attuned parents. Like the vast majority of other children who attend middle-of-the road state schools, he will be fine.

The pretence that people who send their child to a state school in fact only do so because they’ve used their privilege otherwise, to tutor for a selective, or buy an expensive house in the catchment of an excellent school, is just not generally true.

I considered applying for a scholarship for my eldest as he was very bright. I am a middle earner, the scholarship didn't cover the full fee, I could have covered the remaining amount but there wouldn't be much left over. I worried that he wouldn't fit in with other pupils as he would not have the same luxuries they have, him having a sense of belonging and being happy felt more important to me. I had a few friends who went to private school, on the whole they were doing no better than those of us who went to state school so I also considered that it may not make any difference to his academic achievement and future career. I'm sure the stats show privately educated people do better in life but I wonder how much of that is down to other factors such as parents value of education, children who are raised with good manners and social etiquette, good connections for future employment as they're already part of a well connected family. It's even possible the traits that led to their parents being successful could be passed on to children through genetics or through socialisation from a young age- IQ, resilience, determination etc.
In answer to the question, I would consider sending them if I was very wealthy and confident I could keep up with a lifestyle my children would see their peers experiencing, otherwise I would not send them

The pretence that people who send their child to a state school in fact only do so because they’ve used their privilege otherwise, to tutor for a selective, or buy an expensive house in the catchment of an excellent school, is just not generally true.

Also ignores the fact many who go private live in the catchment for decent states and also tutor.

Nope. We could afford it but haven’t.

Please can you post the stats on sexual assaults in mixed secondary schools, ideally state and private?

At least your’re honest that you used money to tutor for grammar.

We didn't tutor! DD wanted to be with her friends so she went to our local catchment school not the grammar. She didn't want to go to the girls grammar school and having heard about the friendship issues and EDs from friends I'm glad that she didn't. Like I say, I think giving her a chunk of money for a house deposit and paying for driving lessons will be far more beneficial to her in the long run.

Yes I would again
We put our three through private school because they were the best schools we could find.

I used to have a massive chip on my shoulder about private education, and 5 years ago I’d have put ‘absolutely not’ as my response to this. Then my DD started having a horrendous time at her state school, and my principles flew out the window in a bid to make life bearable for her. She’s now in a private school and it’s been completely transformative for her. The teaching, facilities and pastoral care have been absolutely outstanding, and the other kids weren’t the stuck-up snobs I’d imagined. Just like in her state school there were some whose behaviour can be challenging, but the school has the time and resources to deal with them appropriately, whereas in her state school they were just so stretched.

I had a lot of prejudices from my own schooling experience, but that was 30 years ago and things have changed. Yes of course there are still many wonderful state schools, and many shit private ones, but for us it was the right decision.

Yes. DS got a scholarship to attend UWC for the IB. Best decision ever to let him attend. I think with flights, insurance, visa etc we spent around £8k a year. Was a stretch but luckily only for 2 years

You appear to be very worried about the state education system at present however this does not justify your hysterical and offensive response to my post.
Correcting your outlandish and ill-founded assumptions would be deprecating which would be unkind and possibly out me.
I made my decision between state and public provision a long time ago; no doubt you’re considering it now when, possibly, times have changed but do remember that what you read on here is not typical of all schools.
The state schools available to my children might be vastly different to those available to you in your role as a parent (assuming you are one). Imo an outsider looking at a public school has a different perception to my experience which I was determined my children wouldn’t endure. Their state schools served them well, very well indeed. I wish the same for you.

You still can’t recognise your own/son’s privilege

Sorry, I misunderstood but I think you said something along the lines of if you needed to you would have (I can’t find the post I am referring fo)

So Welsh then? It is fantastic that they provide teaching through Welsh.

Of course you have and obviously the parents are blissfully unaware. If only parents thought to speak to their children...silly private school parents.

Judging by Mn, ‘private school parents’ do not differ in any way from the rest of the population, other than in a few entrenched and irrational beliefs such as ‘bullying doesn’t happen in private schools’, ‘teaching is better in private schools’. So one imagines theyre just as likely to be ‘silly’, or to be dreadful, uncommunicative parents, as anyone else.

Yes I would - for the broader curriculum, smaller class sizes, music, sport, facilities and better access to the teachers for updates year round. Better food, trips and a general positive learning environment.

But - be careful. Paid for doesn’t equal good. A local indy may not be very high quality at all.

I think the ones worth it now are decent feeder preps and top public schools. That’s what I’d pay for, but not a local day school unless it produces a decent number of Oxbridge entrants each year.

Of course they are, do you apply sweeping generalisations to other demographics? Why stop at education. What about eye colour? Blue eyed people also so so so much nicer than people with brown eyes? Im sure people born in the 1990s are so much nicer than those born in the 1980s...oh and people born in Kent are much nicer than those born in Essex.

Only nasty divisive judgemental people would make such a comment, so by default you must have attended a private school?

Do you really think that's likely?

I have 5 daughters who attend 3 private school and i find in my small sample the opposite to be true, parents are incredibly invested in their children's education. The monitoring, if anything, is too much.

Paying for a service, in my experience, does not attract a majority of complacent parents who do not even know which teacher they have for swimming lessons. In any of our children's schools this would leak out and would fill the parents WhatsApp group with posts of outrage. Not much is without dissection. I'm sure the same is on state schools, current schooling is very well monitored by parents.

Depends what you mean by "worth it". I don't give a toss about Oxbridge but I wanted my kids to be at a school where they weren't bullied and overwhelmed, that was calm and small and focused overall on pastoral care. They do send about 95% of their sixth form to uni, including Oxbridge but there are plenty of other reasons to choose private if your state offering is poor.

As ever on this thread, what is missing is a real acknowledgement that there is a far wider gap between different state schools and the good states and decent privates. The best comp in my area is on a par with the private my kids attend but I can't get a mortgage for the catchment. With my parents help I can afford the fees and got them out of our local school where they developed EBSA due to unmet needs.

We chose not too because this assumes all private schools are best and suit the child automatically, so I would not automotically go with anything just because the name 'private' is added to it