Was my MIL rude about food or am I overreacting?

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'll start by acknowledging that my MIL often irritates me and I think I irritate her too. We have a generally good relationship but there is sometimes an undercurrent of passive aggressiveness, with her sometimes making outright hurtful or critical comments, which she seems to make to derive pleasure in upsetting people.

We had MIL and FIL over for dinner along with SIL and her kids. I had made spring rolls in rice paper wrappers.

I'm making these rolls and my MIL says with a smirk, 'Oh, whenever I see these they make me think of ... whatever I think of....'

I knew immediately she was trying to refer to condoms but I didn't acknowledge it as I didn't want to be crass and put people off what I was making. I was a bit annoyed because I was working hard on a nice dinner for them.

Because no one picked up on her comment she reiterated, 'These always reminds me of condoms.'

I replied with, 'Oh please don't say that, it'll put everyone off their dinner!'

She said, 'Sorry if I upset you!'

I replied that I wasn't upset, only that I would rather she not say that as it doesn't make the food very appealing when thinking of that. She responded that she didn't mean to upset me and I said again that I wasn't upset and that she didn't have to eat the rolls if she didn't want to. She said that she would enjoy them and that was the end of the discussion.

I thought she was very rude to mention this and press the issue while I was preparing dinner. But my husband thinks I'm being a bit sensitive.

She clearly loves to stir it with you. Nice passive aggression she's showing...

What a twatty, crass comment. I’m sure everyone else will have thought that too, so don’t worry about their perception of you or your cooking!

YANBU.

She wouldn't be invited again here for tea. Game over.

I'm surprised at the majority saying YABU.

MIL was rude. She can think it of course, but mentioning it and pressing it was a bit bitchy.

The obvious response is to look concerned and say ‘Oh, Brenda, I forget you don’t get out much. Foreign food isn’t really that frightening, you know!’

She kind of has your number in that she knows exactly how to annoy you and enjoys it.

you need to not respond. So when MIL says with a smirk, 'Oh, whenever I see these they make me think of ... whatever I think of....'

You say deadpan - "I suppose a condom - if you are a teenage boy who giggles at stuff like that right?"

don't ask her not to say it. don't feed her.

In this situation I'd have been tempted to say to everyone "you won't believe what MIL said to me in the kitchen"

Next time she says something similar -

Really Doris? Doesn't your mind work in an odd way! (Tinkly laugh).

I recognise this with my MIl, and I think because we don’t get on we’re both on edge and nervy around each other and sometimes that does manifest as saying silly things, especially on her part as she has a tendency to talk nonsense anyway 😂 it was dumb and annoying but I’d just let it go.

I would have said “shame your father didn’t use one the night you were conceived, haha only joking”

Bit of a daft comment , you kept it going and made more if it , best way to handle silly comments is to ignore

@pimplebum

You're right, next time I'll just ignore it and she'll feel silly

Guess I’m in the minority, but that wouldn’t bother me at all, I make them and I’ve thought it myself.

She sounds very irritating. My condolences. We all have our crosses to bear.

Personally I'd have been tempted to take it further and be unforgivably rude in a 15 year old kind of way, but luckily most people have nicer manners and more restraint than I do.

Same. I don’t see the issue.

It would make me laugh, tbh. However, you didn’t like it and clearly don’t like her, so just ignore her next time.

Same here.

In fact I probably would've asked everyone how many condoms they wanted, but then I'm childish like that 🤣

You should've said...
"Do you think about condoms alot then MiL?"

I really couldn't get offended at something like that. We'd probably just have a laugh if someone said that in my family. If she was saying it wrinkling her nose up in distaste in a kind of "yuck" way, to sneer at the food, then that's a bit different.

Maybe we're just uncouth in my family. We have a rude name for a particular dish that my mum cooks. We could never remember the proper name when we were younger so it got christened "willy meat", and it's stuck! 😆It's become just another family phrase so we don't even say it for amusement anymore. I just know exactly what she's talking about when she says "you know - willy meat"! If we ever had that conversation in front of someone who didn't know us well they'd wonder what the hell we were talking about!

Because no one picked up on her comment she reiterated, 'These always reminds me of condoms.'

Did she repeat because she thought she’d get a laugh?
I really wouldn’t care if someone tried to be funny like this, I’d probably just eye roll and move on

Wouldn’t bother me, she was making a joke however unfunny it wasn’t a personal attack on you.
and she’s right it clearly did upset you, I’m sure there are times when’s she actually criticised or said something hurtful to you but this wasn’t one of them. You need to learn to ignore things, your giving her to much power over you.

I really can’t see the big deal in that . She’s not insulting your food .

I think you were being a bit sensitive. She was making a joke, which was a bit crass but probably not meant as a criticism.

Thats low .

Sounds like my DH's grandmother. I've stopped spending time with her if I can help it and when I do have to, I barely speak to her. Unfortunately this is the treatment these types get when people are fed up with always getting stupid comments like this in their company.

It's hilarious lol