Was my MIL rude about food or am I overreacting?

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'll start by acknowledging that my MIL often irritates me and I think I irritate her too. We have a generally good relationship but there is sometimes an undercurrent of passive aggressiveness, with her sometimes making outright hurtful or critical comments, which she seems to make to derive pleasure in upsetting people.

We had MIL and FIL over for dinner along with SIL and her kids. I had made spring rolls in rice paper wrappers.

I'm making these rolls and my MIL says with a smirk, 'Oh, whenever I see these they make me think of ... whatever I think of....'

I knew immediately she was trying to refer to condoms but I didn't acknowledge it as I didn't want to be crass and put people off what I was making. I was a bit annoyed because I was working hard on a nice dinner for them.

Because no one picked up on her comment she reiterated, 'These always reminds me of condoms.'

I replied with, 'Oh please don't say that, it'll put everyone off their dinner!'

She said, 'Sorry if I upset you!'

I replied that I wasn't upset, only that I would rather she not say that as it doesn't make the food very appealing when thinking of that. She responded that she didn't mean to upset me and I said again that I wasn't upset and that she didn't have to eat the rolls if she didn't want to. She said that she would enjoy them and that was the end of the discussion.

I thought she was very rude to mention this and press the issue while I was preparing dinner. But my husband thinks I'm being a bit sensitive.

It was just a joke. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest

I would have turned it back on her. "Oh really Barbara, you sound like a dirty old man. We'll have to get you a flasher's mac for Christmas."

I wouldn't have been annoyed the first time she said it but the fact that she repeated it indicates that she was trying to annoy you.

She sounds childish. Just laugh the comment off as you would do if a child said it. And if she repeats it, ignore it.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant she sounds very immature!!! no sexual innuendoes are necessary at mealtimes! how old is she? 12?????

Perfect time for “I guess you’d know all about them, MIL. Perhaps we could stick to G-rated conversation at dinner time.”

@Tourmalines “thats low”

If my MIL is going to say something weird and inappropriate then i’m going to say something even weirder and more inappropriate 😊 she’ll soon learn!

Dunno about this, but my missis can't cope with having sausage rolls sticking out, end on, in the fridge. I definitely don't deliberately arrange them that way either. Mwah ha ha!

Tacky of MIL. She sounds sheltered and childish. Don't rise to it.

I don’t think I’d have been offended by that. It’s not like she said ‘Eww, gross, what are they, they look like condoms’. It was a joke. A fairly rubbish one, but I wouldn’t have taken that as vindictive, coming from a family member.

However, it’s all about context, isn’t it? If she’s got form for being difficult/annoying or trying to bait you, there’s obviously a context there that maybe puts a different spin on things. Sometimes it’s a lot easier to take a joke from one person than it is from another, I find. And tone is important too.

What a mountain out of a molehill! I’d’ve just agreed with her. Her comment was silly and hardly worth your notice.

But no, she’s your MIL so of course you’ll be encouraged to block her, ban her from your home, not let her see her DS and DGCs.

She sounds like she’s got a bit of a naughty sense of humour that you don’t share. And she doesn’t mind being provocative, clearly.

Right on. She is a guest in your house and she knows what she is doing. I mean, how hard it is to refrain deliberately upsetting your host and not do the thing you have been specifically asked not the do?

Some people enjoy pushing other people's buttons. I enjoy spending my time with people other than them.

Meh. It’s kinda funny and I would have smiled at her. Don’t let her get under your skin so easily!

I would have just raised an eyebrow and carried on. You don’t have to laugh at “jokes” that aren’t funny, or engage at all. Responding gives her power that she isn’t entitled to. My MIL has a really crass/rough sense of humour and I don’t respond to any of it so she gives up.

This… I’d have run with it.

My teenage GS says and does stuff to get a rise out of me and he's delighted if I respond and fall into his trap. I've learnt to put on a totally blank face and act as though he is invisible and he's slowly getting it. See if doing the same will work with her? She'll end up looking silly with a bit of luck.

To be honest I’d probably have played it with a totally straight bat: “ I’d never thought of that.” And moved on.

It removes the necessity for her to repeat it, doesn’t involving laughing or getting offended if she was trying to be rude, yet doesn’t involve getting cross if she was just trying to be funny.

I have to say though, if it was just family present I can’t see it’s all that pearl-clutchingly rude.

YANBU

It’s behaviour I’d expect from an immature teen not an adult who should know better.

She’s intentionally being rude and why anyone thinks you should just accept such behaviour as the person hosting is bizarre imo.

I have family members who are rude and I make sure to see them less and my life is better for it. If I can’t I just “ok” and walk away. Why entertain such juvenile nonsense? Why choose to be rude unnecessarily in the first place especially to the person who is making dinner or goad them into responding.

Age obviously doesn’t bring wisdom or manners in MIL’s case.