Was my MIL rude about food or am I overreacting?

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'll start by acknowledging that my MIL often irritates me and I think I irritate her too. We have a generally good relationship but there is sometimes an undercurrent of passive aggressiveness, with her sometimes making outright hurtful or critical comments, which she seems to make to derive pleasure in upsetting people.

We had MIL and FIL over for dinner along with SIL and her kids. I had made spring rolls in rice paper wrappers.

I'm making these rolls and my MIL says with a smirk, 'Oh, whenever I see these they make me think of ... whatever I think of....'

I knew immediately she was trying to refer to condoms but I didn't acknowledge it as I didn't want to be crass and put people off what I was making. I was a bit annoyed because I was working hard on a nice dinner for them.

Because no one picked up on her comment she reiterated, 'These always reminds me of condoms.'

I replied with, 'Oh please don't say that, it'll put everyone off their dinner!'

She said, 'Sorry if I upset you!'

I replied that I wasn't upset, only that I would rather she not say that as it doesn't make the food very appealing when thinking of that. She responded that she didn't mean to upset me and I said again that I wasn't upset and that she didn't have to eat the rolls if she didn't want to. She said that she would enjoy them and that was the end of the discussion.

I thought she was very rude to mention this and press the issue while I was preparing dinner. But my husband thinks I'm being a bit sensitive.

In your book .

Well I’m with you @OneQuirkyPanda .

I think it was touchy op and even if it slightly annoyed you, you played into it by saying so.

It was a win for MIL if she was trying to annoy!

Ever?!! 😱

Goodness!

She apologised twice (and didn't really need to IMO) and you proceeded to say that you weren't upset (whilst sounding upset). It bothered you enough the write this thread which seems like it did upset you OP.
It sounds like she was just being a bit silly, maybe expecting a laugh. To say it's crass feels OTT and precious.
Life is too short to get hot under the collar about this kind of thing.
So yeah, YABU.

People who consistently disrespect me and make fun of me at my expense shouldn't expect me to waste time on them.

I don’t honestly think it was op being disrespected though. Different if it had been a sheer dress and op was in it.

They do look exactly like condoms …

I bet any money that if the OP had said her DP made the comment she would be being told that she had no sense of humour and everyone would have found it hilarious!

@HuckleberryBlackcurrantI would hate this whoever said it. So vulgar and tasteless. Best risen above.

"These always remind me of condoms".

"Well, you'll know what they're going to taste like then".

I was eating them in work once and a colleague said the same thing, I didn’t find it ride

She knew she was rude saying it. She had no need to. At all.

Some people could say that and it be an endearing joke, one to reminisce about in the future, ‘remember when…’ but if you don’t have that kind of relationship then it becomes something very different.

I’d be hoping she really enjoyed them because she wouldn’t be getting them again.

Maybe your husband should do the cooking for his own parents. Or not invite them over.

It’s the sort of thing I might say within a family situation 😬.Doesn’t mean they aren’t delicious

If I decided not to say if, it would be because I thought it was a bit rude to the culture it comes from ie; culturally disrespectful. But I honestly wouldn’t have thought it rude to op herself - unless of course op was making a dish from her cultural heritage. But that would be quite a drip feed…

She was being rude but you are massively overreacting. I'd just roll my eyes then forget all about it tbh. Some people have a strange sense of humour you don't need to let it bother you. What's the point?

She sounds quite grim and immature

It wouldn't have bothered me. I won't lie - my first thought was that it was an odd thing to serve for dinner unless it was a starter or part of a bigger banquet

Well that would have been rude! 🤣

“I hope this is just the starter!”

Next time make sausages and tell her they are to go in the condoms! Only kidding!

What other people said

Give it back to her

In situations like this i ask myself, would I have been offended if it was said by somebody that I liked or am I using the fact I'm not keen on someone a reason to take offence.

If your DH had said the same thing would you have laughed about it?

I would have replied "yummy condoms".

Why do you invite her round if you dislike her so much? As a MIL myself I would hate to be invited when I'm obviously not wanted. Honestly if she declined your invites you would complain about that too. Remember some older ladies can feel intimidated by modern super mums who have careers, money etc. Also our advice is almost always rubbished and dismissed out of hand. In future, I'd recommend meeting inlaws for coffee, preferably on neutral territory. Also I notice one poster joked about a MIL called Doris. Can I make it clear that most of us don't have names from the early 1900s but are in our 60s and 70s and are called names like Sharon, Tracy, Julie and so on. Mumsnetters have this annoying habit of describing us as if we are in our 90s. I honestly do t recognise anyone in my friendship group or colleagues as a MIL as described on this site!

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Sounds like you just don’t like her much.

But they do look like condoms…
Could you not simply say “I know” and smiled?
I‘ve heard people say it dozens of times, in line ups when ordering them, in restaurants and at friends homes.

I get it.
My MIL, when meeting a new baby always say 'Who do they look like'? Over and and over until you answer with some random person and then she says with a big smug grin 'They look like themselves'. The new parent usually looks slightly irritated and we move on.

Baby number 6 for me, MIL started. I ignored her, she went on and on and bloody on until finally DH answered her and she said ... 'They look like themselves'.
DH was so cranky and I cackled away in the kitchen.

Small victories can make you very happy indeed.

But I am bit of a mole. 😂

It has never occurred to me they look like condoms.

I think it is rude and she clearly likes getting a rise out of you. I would be tempted 9although many minutes after the situation because I never say things in time) to say 'Oooh! What HAVE you been up to MIL?'.

Does she generally have a rather immature and boorish sense of humour?