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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In being so upset over this?

77 replies

Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 13:10

Just collected my DD2 from pre-school this afternoon from a building next to a small village school.
Anyway, some of the older kids class 5/6 were standing around in a group and were watching me walking up to the building.
In this group were some kids from our street who like to "intimitade" me lets say.
As i was walking back down past them, one of the kids decided to go right up to me and put their arm up and go "hi!" and just miss me.
I ignored it and then the litte brat goes and does it again! and of course his friends snigger.
I was going to ignore him again but a friend of mine said to the boy "don't do that it's very rude" and of course then i had to acknowledge what they were doing.
Then the playground suppervisor got involved and i think the whole group go marched off to the Headmistresses office.
I was just trying to keep myself together to stop crying.
Its a long story with them, but there has been a gang of kids down our road who live right at the entrance to the estate.
Every time i drive in they are doing their best to do V-signs and other nasty things as i drive by.
I usually ignore them and don't even look in their direction, but i know they are doing it.
If i'm driving down the road and they are in it (very quiet street) they will refuse to move until i'm right on top of them.
The parents don't think the kids are doing anything wrong as they are just being kids.
I can just manage this kind of low level harassment for ages, but today it just burst the banks so to speak.
When i got home some poor woman rang up about double glazing (don't even know which firm) and she got a right earfull.
Even my friend said that in my circumstances she would not have a clue how to deal with this.
I must have that face that says "bully me".
All through my childhood i was bullied really badly but just kept my head down and i thought i was getting on OK.
With kids you're not even allowed to tell them off or even touch them and they know it.
What can you do?
It's really affecting my quality of life as i sometimes won't go out in the evening if they are there as i can't cope with the hasstle.
Sometimes, my anger does boil over and i will shout at the lot of them but then they have won. Its just so hard, if they start to bully my DDs then i will totally lose it.
Sorry for the rant, but i'm still upset.

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 15/05/2008 13:14

how old is yr 5/6?

how tall are you?

Sorry, can't understand how a group of young-ish children can intimidate you?

How old are they?

MascaraOHara · 15/05/2008 13:15

Sorry, that sounded cold.. you do have my sympathy just trying to understand the situation.

nametaken · 15/05/2008 13:16

How come this boy almost hit you when he put his arm up. Surely he was in the playground on you were in the street?

cadelaide · 15/05/2008 13:17

Steady on you lot, I feel really sorry for you Ripeberry.

twinsetandpearls · 15/05/2008 13:17

year 5/6 is 10 and 11. I know of some 11 year olds that work quite hard at being intimidating especially if you are only used to younger children.

southeastastra · 15/05/2008 13:18

laugh at them? ignore them? i know easier said than done. little

cadelaide · 15/05/2008 13:19

And no, YANBU.

You say you were bullied throughout your childhood so I should think this is bloody awful for you.

JeremyVile · 15/05/2008 13:20

Oh, you poor thing.
I really think this is far more to do with your self esteem and confidence levels than it is to do with these little shits.
I would imagine they behave in this way to all except those they expect not to stand for it. And only you can project whether you are a strong woman or not. I guess you need to get more steely.
I dont have advice, but I really feel for you.

twinsetandpearls · 15/05/2008 13:20

I am not saying this is your fault but perhaps if you did something with children of this age you would find them less threatening. I know when I first started teaching I found year 11 boys a scary prospect but now after years of experience I just find them at most annoying. Could you perhaps volunteer to do some work in the school?

MascaraOHara · 15/05/2008 13:20

In that case, if they are 10 & 11 I would definitely say laugh at them... they will only do it if they see it bothers you.

twinsetandpearls · 15/05/2008 13:21

I agree Jeremy Vile.

notjustmom · 15/05/2008 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearmama · 15/05/2008 13:23

Can you look them in the eye? Sometimes that is enough.
Mind you I would probably go "Hi" back and try and hug the little sod. He wouldnt like that one bit. Nothing like being embarrassed in front of your mates!

Sorry to hear about this and hope you find a way to deal with it.

EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 13:24

yes, def report them if they hanging round causing trouble

pity and condescension good tools for pre-teens - 'how old are you - five?' can work

bearmama · 15/05/2008 13:27

Just to add, if you could manage to walk past them, walking tall, like notjustmom says, but next time snigger like they have done the saddest most pathetic thing in the world and yes, tell them to grow up. X

Baffy · 15/05/2008 13:28

YANBU

How awful for you.

Some good advice here on ways to deal with it.

OverMyDeadBody · 15/05/2008 13:29

patronise them - remember you are the adult, they are little fraidy cats really. Laugh at them, or pat them on the head and say sometihng like "oh, aren't little boys so cuuuute?". Actually, don't pat them on the head, but you get what I mean.

cadelaide · 15/05/2008 13:29

EffieP and Bearmama, their approach is good i think

iheartdusty · 15/05/2008 13:31

ripeberry, do you think there is a racial element to this or anything? I'm guessing not from your photos, but don't want to presume...

when you say their parents think nothing is wrong, do their parents know what has been happening? Do you know other adults down the road, any of the parents?

What a horrible experience.

I wonder whether any of the anti-bullying websites would have material to help you deal with this. Something to make you feel back in control. Of course you can't touch children, you can't tell them off, but neither can you touch or tell off adults, and perhaps some of the techniques could be adapted.

eg this page from bullying.co.uk

amner · 15/05/2008 13:33

This is sad.

Some 11 year olds look much bigger and older than they really are .. but you are the grown up here, and you have to be stronger than them, either by laughing at them or by cutting them down with a witty quip.

Wishing you luck.

colander · 15/05/2008 13:33

Lots of good advice here. Don't let them intimidate you - if you have someone with you (an adult!) you could try pointing at one of the little shits and laughing...try to make them feel uncomfortable and they will steer clear of you. If they stand in the road when you are driving then aim the car at them and go fast. They'll soon scatter! Obviously I'm not advising you actually hit one of them, but put the fear into them!

cosima · 15/05/2008 13:33

Condescion and pity is good so is saying 'oh piss off you little twat'

notjustmom · 15/05/2008 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iheartdusty · 15/05/2008 13:37

I don't agree with you colander; driving the car at them is not being an adult (and obviously could go awfully wrong). And what if the parents of one of the kids saw this happen? Major retaliation could follow.

Original poster
Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 13:38

I mean class 5/6 so they are around 8/9 yrs old. Feeling a bit better about it, i know the headmistress would have wiped the floor with them.
But, unless you've had this kind of "bullying" none of you know what it's like.
The main reason if fell "bullied" is that i'm powerless as an adult and problem is that i'm the sort that can just burst out crying...yeah sad so shoot me! and if i did that then that would be the end.
I've got lots of things on my plate with my Mum not being well and my dad feeling depressed that i don't need this crap on top of everything.
If i was 10yrs old myself, he would have a black eye by now.
Once i was 14yrs old i did a lot of fighting and i suppose that's why i feel powerless.

OP posts: