In being so upset over this?

[Ripeberry]

Just collected my DD2 from pre-school this afternoon from a building next to a small village school.
Anyway, some of the older kids class 5/6 were standing around in a group and were watching me walking up to the building.
In this group were some kids from our street who like to "intimitade" me lets say.
As i was walking back down past them, one of the kids decided to go right up to me and put their arm up and go "hi!" and just miss me.
I ignored it and then the litte brat goes and does it again! and of course his friends snigger.
I was going to ignore him again but a friend of mine said to the boy "don't do that it's very rude" and of course then i had to acknowledge what they were doing.
Then the playground suppervisor got involved and i think the whole group go marched off to the Headmistresses office.
I was just trying to keep myself together to stop crying.
Its a long story with them, but there has been a gang of kids down our road who live right at the entrance to the estate.
Every time i drive in they are doing their best to do V-signs and other nasty things as i drive by.
I usually ignore them and don't even look in their direction, but i know they are doing it.
If i'm driving down the road and they are in it (very quiet street) they will refuse to move until i'm right on top of them.
The parents don't think the kids are doing anything wrong as they are just being kids.
I can just manage this kind of low level harassment for ages, but today it just burst the banks so to speak.
When i got home some poor woman rang up about double glazing (don't even know which firm) and she got a right earfull.
Even my friend said that in my circumstances she would not have a clue how to deal with this.
I must have that face that says "bully me".
All through my childhood i was bullied really badly but just kept my head down and i thought i was getting on OK.
With kids you're not even allowed to tell them off or even touch them and they know it.
What can you do?
It's really affecting my quality of life as i sometimes won't go out in the evening if they are there as i can't cope with the hasstle.
Sometimes, my anger does boil over and i will shout at the lot of them but then they have won. Its just so hard, if they start to bully my DDs then i will totally lose it.
Sorry for the rant, but i'm still upset.

Well yes njm, sorry i missed you out, but now it's pretty much what everyone's saying and i can't list you all!

life after bullying

advice for adults who were bullied

I once had some kids i teach laughing at my dh's sandles, hes so cool my dh, mimed at them 'your bum looks huge', put her in her place! This sounds awful for you, they shouldn't behave like this, but you do need to stand up to them, make them feel stupid, because they are. At school I find smiling and making a point of saying hello and asking how horrid children are knocks them off guard

I agree with "piss of you little twat" in a very weary voice.

I had a binch of children of about 10-11 trying to intimidate people on holiday in the campsite washing up area. When they started throwing water around I just threw water back (much more water though) When the mother came to find me I explained that really it would be better if they picked on someone their own size - as me being much bigger would indeed throw more water.

The rest of the holiday they stayed well away from our tent and the washing up area. Turning the tables does often work.

There is a difference between children playing and mischeif and children being nasty and intimidating

I really empathise with how you must be feeling. I was also bullied mercilessly as a child and have continued to be bullied by bosses and Mil in particular. yesterday i started a thread about how dd (2.2)was being excluded by some kids a few years older than her at playgroup and believe it or not I can't even stand up to a couple of 4 yr olds on her behalf!

so don't feel bad, you just have to find ways of being assertive in these situations, which takes practice but i'm sure is well worth it.

You need to keep a record of intimidating behaviour, and show it to the headteacher of the school and to your local police.
If it carries on, I'd also take a camera with me and get photos of them to back up show too. I feel so sorry (and angry!) for you, hope it stops soon.

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm going back up to the school in a few minutes and i'm going to hold my head up high!
As i said before, they always seem to pick on me when i'm at my lowest and it's always when i can't retaliate with a witty quip or two!
May, start saying "hi" to that boy and say "you're so cuddly looking, here let me give you a hug!" That should mortify him!
Thank goodness for Mumsnet, as i was feeling very very low earlier and my poor DD2 was getting upset.
P.s that boy was very fat, but i'm not going to call him that...i would be the bully then.

Shout loudly "Do you fancy me or something?" if he comes up to you again. If he says anything at all back, sneer "Come back when they've dropped, son." and keep on walking.

Like that Katie

Great! Make sure you stride through them making clear what insignificant pointless little turds they are. Having a ready quip poised as you get there wouldn't hurt either... something simple along the lines of "Can't you find yourself a real girlfriend then?" (which you just know is going to be a bone of contention/ source of acute embarrassment amongst 10-11 year old boys)

I think it's good to start saying 'hi' to them. No need to engage otherwise though, including 'comebacks' which can backfire by showing they are getting to you. If they say/do anything, just stop in your tracks and say 'What did you just do?' and look them in the eye.

I found myself in a weird situation last week where I was surrounded by a group of teenagers, one of whom was holding a knife, another an iron bar - they were obviously just about to fight each other (I live in London). I just came around the corner towards our garages where we keep our pushchair (I was holding DS aged 2 in my arms), and there they were. There was no way out except through them. So I said 'Hi guys. Could you help me open the gate please, I've got my hands full here?' And they scurried to help me, opened the gate for me and all walked off to fight somewhere else where they wouldn't be given little jobs to do... You need to stand up straight and have the attitude that 'these are kids, and I tell them what to do, not the other way around'. It doesn't mean being confrontational, and you certainly shouldn't start driving cars at them Just act like the strong adult you are.

Becstar that took some balls, but good on you...... think I woud have called the police aswell!!!!

Doris I'm ashamed to say that I've given up calling the police. With the things I see from my front room window I could call them every couple of hours. This morning I've seen two prostitutes being picked up in cars, three people buying cocaine from the dealer who lives opposite, and one woman beating her husband over the head with an umbrella as they walked down the street together, then they started snogging madly. It's a flippin madhouse, I tell you. I went through a phase of calling the police, about the drug paraphenalia and used condoms scattered in front of our garages, and they were very courteous on the phone but nothing changed. Also the Met annoy me because each one who has come over when speaking to my DH asks "DO YOU SPEAK ENG-LISH?" in a super-slow singsong voice. To which he replies "Well I'm from Croydon, so that's anyone's guess"

Ripeberry, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Yes, they may be kids, but it is still awful, and as you say, it affects your quality of life.
Talking to them might help. Give it a try. How about ruffling his hair when he comes up to you?

How did it go Ripeberry?

I'm cheering you on from the sidelines.

Well i held my head up high and almost got a facelift!
Collected DD1 from school and got in car and saw that boy and he saw me and had the cheek to do 2 V-signs at me.
I got out of the car and told him calmly, "I want to talk to your Mum, please" and he pointed to a red car and ran towards it.
I walked up to it and in that time he must have said to his mum that is was going to beat him up or something.
Well the first thing any REASONABLE person who is INTELLIGENT, would ask themselves "why is this other mum, wanting to speak to me?" and then they would listen to you and THEN say what they think.
But, at first i thought it was the kids dad in the car..in scruffy clothes, black glasses and black baseball cap pulled down low, but no it was his MUM.
Anyway, started to say, "Sorry to bother you, but your son has been quite rude to me today, in the playground and just now", can you assure me this won't happen again?
All quite polite i thought.
But this mum, just started SCREAMING! and i mean screaming at me! saying over and over again "Don't you threaten an 11yr old boy!" over and over again...more for the benefit of everyone else.
Then , i just said maybe stupidly "Well, no wonder he's like that, with parents like you!"
Then she starts getting out of the car, saying "Do you want a facelift?" and then she shouted something else and shot off down the road.
Until today, i've never met her in my life!
Of course the whole car park was at a standstill and i was strangely quite calm about it.
Just proved a theory to me, bullies are bullies because their parents think their "little darlings" could never do ANY wrong.
I was also shocked with her reaction, she must get loads of complaints about him or just had a bad day like mine, but there was no need for that.
It's just that she looked like a right nutter and may take it further.
I think i'll tell the school tomorrow about it just to cover my back.

Ripeberry I really feel for you

What can you do when the parents are like that?????
Kids seem think its O.k to say or do anything they want and be cheeky little gits to other people

Well done ripeberry what a nightmare def talk to school as it sounds like he probably has "history" you never know something might get done

I've never seen that mother in the playground, she usually always sits in the car and talks to no-one.
Even our neighbour down the road, had not moved her car, they were just sitting there looking at me...the worm has turned!
Gonna get a reputation i tell ya!

you go girl!

Good for you confronting her! She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Well done, Ripeberry! That was very brave of you. He might leave you alone now. Keep us informed, won't you?

All she has done, Ripeberry, is shown herself up.

Well done for being assertive about the situation.