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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In being so upset over this?

77 replies

Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 13:10

Just collected my DD2 from pre-school this afternoon from a building next to a small village school.
Anyway, some of the older kids class 5/6 were standing around in a group and were watching me walking up to the building.
In this group were some kids from our street who like to "intimitade" me lets say.
As i was walking back down past them, one of the kids decided to go right up to me and put their arm up and go "hi!" and just miss me.
I ignored it and then the litte brat goes and does it again! and of course his friends snigger.
I was going to ignore him again but a friend of mine said to the boy "don't do that it's very rude" and of course then i had to acknowledge what they were doing.
Then the playground suppervisor got involved and i think the whole group go marched off to the Headmistresses office.
I was just trying to keep myself together to stop crying.
Its a long story with them, but there has been a gang of kids down our road who live right at the entrance to the estate.
Every time i drive in they are doing their best to do V-signs and other nasty things as i drive by.
I usually ignore them and don't even look in their direction, but i know they are doing it.
If i'm driving down the road and they are in it (very quiet street) they will refuse to move until i'm right on top of them.
The parents don't think the kids are doing anything wrong as they are just being kids.
I can just manage this kind of low level harassment for ages, but today it just burst the banks so to speak.
When i got home some poor woman rang up about double glazing (don't even know which firm) and she got a right earfull.
Even my friend said that in my circumstances she would not have a clue how to deal with this.
I must have that face that says "bully me".
All through my childhood i was bullied really badly but just kept my head down and i thought i was getting on OK.
With kids you're not even allowed to tell them off or even touch them and they know it.
What can you do?
It's really affecting my quality of life as i sometimes won't go out in the evening if they are there as i can't cope with the hasstle.
Sometimes, my anger does boil over and i will shout at the lot of them but then they have won. Its just so hard, if they start to bully my DDs then i will totally lose it.
Sorry for the rant, but i'm still upset.

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 15/05/2008 16:19

Well done ripeberry. That mother sounds awful

EachPeachPearMum · 15/05/2008 16:22

That poor boy though- how do you think she talks to him?

Hope this leads to some resolution.

KatieScarlett2833 · 15/05/2008 16:37

Well done you! Bet he never comes near you again for fear of embarrassment.

wonderstuff · 15/05/2008 18:13

Well done you. She sounds awful, no brains some people, at my last school there were a few mums banned from site they were such headcases, wish they wouldnt breed, kids dont have a hope

HonoriaGlossop · 15/05/2008 18:25

well done indeed - it is ALWAYS worth speaking up because if nothing else it is you showing children/people like this that there IS a right and a wrong way to behave.

I have come across groups of kids who don't move when you're about to drive into them and I have to say what I do is drive (slowly - I'm not advocating ramming into them!) right up to them and then loudly sound the horn. Boy, do they jump

You've just got to withdraw your consent to this sort of low level bullying, and good for you for what you did today ripeberry - as colditz said she has shown herself up for what she is and you have shown yourself to be the grown-up, assertive one.

Jenbot · 15/05/2008 20:10

Poor you ripeberry but well done for trying to deal with it all.
The mum sounds really scary, no wonder her son is the way he is, I can't imagine he gets set much of an example...

Jenbot · 15/05/2008 20:14

Oh and thebecster - your place sounds JUST like my old flat, except we didn't have garages!

PosieParker · 15/05/2008 20:16

Some children are like dogs and can smell fear, pretend not to be afraid a few times and the simulation will become reality. I have far too little fear and would probably demand they stand aside, my dp is convinced I will live to regret my 'bravery' and get punched.
I would complain to the council and get a couple of ASBOs for the harrassment and for the year sixes I would imagine their bravado is egg shell thin and you could outwit/stare them, or complain to the school and ask that they do somthing about it.

cocolepew · 15/05/2008 20:22

Well done for staying calm as the bitch mum screamed at you. Some people are all mouth and as you didn't get in a slanging match with her, she might not bother you again. People like this always get their comeuppance soner or later (I'm talking from experience).

Good luck for tomorrow.

LooptheLoop · 15/05/2008 20:23

Well done Ripeberry. Really feel for you - sounds like a horrible experience but your head high, take the high ground in a polite controlled way sounds absolutely spot on.

Perhaps think of some other stategies that you can use if needed (always much harder to think on the spur of the moment). But I do feel the head held high, ignoring you approach can work a treat. Gets really boring for them after a while.

Your experience of the mum helps explain why her son has been so rude to you.

Good on you girl!!!

Spidermama · 15/05/2008 20:24

I would walk calmly up to one of them, look him in the eye and ask what he's doing or what his name is. If you are scared, do your best not to show it. Stop treating them as 'they' and start reacting to individuals. People aren't so tough when singled out.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must be awful. You have to be strong, and face one of them off.

PosieParker · 15/05/2008 20:32

Ripeberry, I actually think children are bullies because they're neglected and bullied at home. That is why the mother shouted at you because she couldn't be arsed to deal with her son. My father had a go at a boy who kept pulling my bra strap, when I was eleven, the boy got a friend to grab him round the neck to make marks and then his parents called the police. 6 years later he was a smackhead robbing his family.... point being no good ever comes to these sorts of kids and you alone will not change them so get help.

Original poster
Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 22:27

Just had a nice glass of wine and had a talk with my DH and we both think, that the mother was out of line.
My DD2 is not very well at the moment, has a bit of a fever so i won't be taking DD1 to school tomorrow.
But DH may mention to the Headmistress about this woman threatening to give me a "facelift", the cheek of it, when she hardly had any teeth herself.
Just got to see how it goes, if she does try to hit me, don't think she would as i'm 5'9'' tall and she was 5'nothing i'll make sure i have plenty of witnesses.
Just feel sorry for the boy, he is usually quite polite, never had any trouble before but i think the cooler weather today meant they were bored.
Thanks again for all your words of support

OP posts:
MrsAki · 15/05/2008 22:33

Pardon my ignorance, but why can't adults tell children off?

PosieParker · 15/05/2008 22:35

Ripeberry, I love the description she had all her own tooth!!

Original poster
Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 22:37

Because it seems that it is deemed as an "assault", as it happened on school property then the headmistress had to tell him off.
I was brought up to respect my elders and if my kids ever bullied anyone else or had a complaint i would make sure they knew how wrong it was and get them to appologise.
Yes, children have rights of course, but not to go abusing other peoples rights including kids and adults.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 15/05/2008 22:37

My BIL uses the phrase "He/She's a bit of a rough diamonique". Cracks me up.

Original poster
Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 22:39

Posie parker, when she was shouting at me, i just could not help staring at her two massive yellow incisors with nothing around them.
Just got me fascinated, don't know why

OP posts:
PosieParker · 15/05/2008 22:39

In Bristol people wear a lot of Rowed gowd (in your best Vicky Pollard accent)

PosieParker · 15/05/2008 22:40

Ripeberry, could you not have asked???

mumbot · 15/05/2008 22:42

Ripeberry, be brave, do the right thing and you will come out of this a stronger person. Good on you for asking for feedback from others in such an open way.

Best of luck xx

Original poster
Ripeberry · 15/05/2008 22:43

On a roll here, i've met a few rough people in my time.
My sister in law likes bikers and some of them were scary!
We went to a bar in Bath a few years ago to meet his sisters and they had GOLD teeth, because they got into so many fights they had them knocked out and replaced with precious metal.
She divorced him after 2 years...thank goodness.
I can deal with nasty bullying adults but not kids as i think that it's not really their fault and i do feel sorry for them.
Thats why i try not to have confrontations.

OP posts:
Lovesdogsandcats · 16/05/2008 10:07

Who says you can't shout at them? i have shouted at kids round here...one a few yrs ago used to be mean to my son.Lad was about 6 yrs older thsn my son. One day I flipped and I mean screamed at him, called him a litle fucking shit and he'd better fuck right off. these kids need telling, do not let them think they can intimidate you.

Original poster
Ripeberry · 16/05/2008 21:09

Just an update, the screaming mother actually arrived early at school leaving time and walked up with a friend, but did not even look at me or anything.
She went into the school and then the kids came out to go home, but she had still not come out.
Now i'm worrying that she is making a complaint about ME, when she was the one making the threats.
So, if it was really that serious the school would have got in touch with me by now.
We'll have to see on Monday, this is just the reason why it's so difficult to tell kids off, because you are seen as "threatening" them, and its ALWAYS the adult's fault.
And i'm coming down with a nasty cold

OP posts:
PosieParker · 16/05/2008 22:26

Perhaps she was called in to speak to the Head about her child??? Or if she was complaining about you the Head's not stupid and will understand the situation. Don't worry about it.