AIBU to think people are unnecessarily unkind in their replys

[Wildefish]

First time to post. I have been an avid reader of AIBU for a while now. In fact it’s my favourite thing to read after clearing away dinner, with a cup of tea and a biscuit. The thing I have noticed is how unnecessarily unkind a lot of the answers are to posters who are obviously upset and asking for advice. AIBU to ask if other people feel the same, or is the whole point of AIBU is to make the poster feel totally crap. Putting my big girl pants on for the answers.

Yes, this is mumsnet. You need a hard hat to post here. If you can learn to just ignore the haters it's a good place to be.

Some people do write very unkind replies deliberately as they are just mean bitches doing some online bullying. Others write blunt responses to help the OP and others write nice responses. I think you just have to take the mixture and hopefully something will help whatever you post about.

Yes on a thread about a parent taking the easy kids out and ditching the hard ones every single reply (virtually) was blaming OP for having four children

She was supposed to be getting a break being ditched with the "hard children" ISNT A BREAK

Some of the replies are brutal. However I do think people will tell you like it is, in a way your friends and family won’t. The baby names board is the perfect example of this.

I think some posters come over as devoid of normal human feelings or kindness or empathy. But that's not just on AIBU. I find it in Relationships and Chat as well. There is also a lot of Ganging up on either OPs or posters who present a different point of view.
BUT there are some tremendously helpful, informative, kind and supportive posters as well. There is a lot of very experienced and wise advice.

I think the unkind messages tend to be when the OP asks a pretty ridiculous question, seems entitled, wants something their way, doesn’t take others into consideration etc.

AIBU can get some very tough replies - other parts of MN seem to be less forthright and more supportive.

As an antidote to AIBU, I’d suggest Mumsnet Classics, where there are some hilarious threads.

Oh I gave up reading that thread because the flack the OP was getting because she had 4 children was unbelievable. I felt really sorry for her.

Ditto.
I agree with you OP.

Does your husband not help you clear away dinner? You should LTB. And biscuits are a UPF so expect to be morbidly obese tomorrow.

In all seriousness, yes I think some people are nasty for the sake of it. Even when it's obvious the poster is in a vulnerable state and genuinely needing advice. It's especially sad when the poster is new to MN and how brutal AIBU can be.

I do try to be kind but find myself a bit more sparky online than IRL and sometimes it concerns me .... I have to make a deliberate effort to remember that the disembodied words online belong to real human beings with feelings!

All of the boards have a tendancy to have this kind of posting but the most popular boards are the worst for it.

If it helps it is worth remembering the other posters don't know you so when they decide to be ridiculously judgy about something you've said, they are telling you something about their own arseholery rather than yours. And all of us can be arseholes.

If it gets too tedious you can always unwatch a thread you commented on or even hide it if you don't want to see it come up again, job done!

Yes thats social media. There's the whole range of types in one place. People love to give opinions, even when they don't have any experience regarding the subject. So you get a range of answers, some cruel and unnecessary and some kind. Part of me wishes people couldn't reply to each others comments and everyone could only reply to the OP. That would stop some of the bull. In reality, if you spoke about your problems in real life to a trusted person, they would be nice whether they meant it or not. Sometimes it's good not to know people's raw opinions. It can be overated. They wouldn't say it real life, and if it wasn't social media they wouldn't realise there's others as equally mean as them, so might keep some kind of conscience about it.

People are just so brave hiding behind a keyboard!!

It’s wanker central in here

Yeah, didn't used to be so mean

As people post anonymously, they let their true colours shine. It's the pile-ons, all saying the same thing, that I can't stand.

People say oh Mumsnet was always awful and a nest of vipers. It really wasn't there used to be a lot of good natured threads.

Now every one just seems to want to put the boot in at every opportunity

1,000,000% agree! 👍🏻

I’m a very long term mumsnetter - back to the early days really. And I would say things have become very unkind. Really. It didn’t used to be so. But almost every thread now will have someone come on and misread or post negatively even to the most vulnerable of posts. It’s horrible

I saw someone say today it was a day for it, but it really was-the thread about peak middle class-ness, and yes the lady who’s husband was ‘giving her a break’. A lot of angry people on here now

Yes. I think certain nights are worse than others, where the wine comes out.

Totally agree.

15 years ago it was much kinder. And hilarious.

now. Christ. It can be shocking to read.
however Some boards still have that lovely community feel.

AIBU is just full of bitches…..

Some replies are just rude or unkind. You have to look past them for the good stuff.

Well, maybe ask yourself why this brutality is your favourite thing with a cup of tea and an after-dinner biscuit?