AIBU to think people are unnecessarily unkind in their replys

[Wildefish]

First time to post. I have been an avid reader of AIBU for a while now. In fact it’s my favourite thing to read after clearing away dinner, with a cup of tea and a biscuit. The thing I have noticed is how unnecessarily unkind a lot of the answers are to posters who are obviously upset and asking for advice. AIBU to ask if other people feel the same, or is the whole point of AIBU is to make the poster feel totally crap. Putting my big girl pants on for the answers.

What annoys me is threads where the OP posts and dozens of people reply saying exactly the same thing. After 10 or so people have made the same point, why repeat it again?

Not wanting to derail, but there's a thread about walking a giraffe, and it's pure MN brilliance. Wit, disputes, diagrammes, it's an antidote to the madness and venom we are shown swarming around the world

That’s funny…

I have to admit to sometimes being mildly snarky to the stupid (but non-vulnerable) posters.
"My neighbour is being unreasonable not letting me overshoot my massive earth-killing car into their parking place."
"I had unprotected sex with two men just before ovulation, and I'm a week late, but I haven't taken a test. Can you tell me if I'm pregnant?"
"My big toe looks slightly pinker than yesterday. Should I go to A+E?"

haha! I tend to leave the threads that the posters are getting grief, but I’ve noticed il leaving more than reading.

There are a percentage of posters who wait to make a cuntish comment at the top of a thread, especially in aibu. They are attention seeking idiots and best ignored.

I wish MNHQ would start a topic for the twice weekly thread saying the same thing, then it would be possible to hide it.

You've said yourself you're an "avid reader" and it's "your favourite thing to read" ..... but then you want it changed ?

I took an about a year long break from mumsnet, not intentionally but just got really into Tattle which took up my social media time. Re-downloaded mumsnet app a few weeks ago and this place is toxic! Farrrrr worse than Tattle! Not sure if it’s always been this bad and I just didn’t notice or if it’s just got really awful. Snarky, sarcastic, bitchy tones over every thread with posters sticking the boot in wherever they can

Hide AIBU and stick to other sections. It's much better.

I feel like there was a period where AIBU was less fighty but it is just nasty now a lot of the time.

AIBU is no holds barred though and I often read a thread and think the poster is about to get their arse handed to them. It does seem though that there is a lot more envy, but also a lot more ignorance and lack of awareness / consideration. Critical thinking seems to have fallen off a cliff. You can usually tell when someone has just googled something but not bothered verifying, in which case the arse handing is perfectly valid.

I have reported posts on other boards when I think they are particularly vicious, especially on Relationships. There are a lot of posters who don't have a clue about the dynamics of abuse. Putting the boot into someone who is being abused makes them no better than the perpetrator.

A very good statement CarpetKnees. I also enjoy certain tv shows, but will leave the room during what I feel is gratuitous violence. I enjoy the threads, but skip past the ones where someone is getting particularly harsh criticism when asking for advice. Not sure I’m wanting or expecting it changed, just wondering if I’m the only one thinking some of it is unnecessary.

Haha!

Sometimes people get themselves into a situation and need constructive advice not a kick in the teeth. I worry for the young mothers in particular. However the “they stole my baby name” deserve all they get!

I think after a while people get so jaded by hearing about stupid people doing stupid things and acting surprised when there are negative consequences.

Haha! Some of these deserve all they get.

It is much meaner here. I’ve been on and off the boards over twenty years. There always used to be a little ‘snark’ here or there, but it’s a different league now. The judgement is extreme, but I suppose it’s a way of faceless people finding a hobby or sport that makes them feel powerful in a way they don’t have in their actual life. The superiority complexes add to the entertainment sometimes, but then I always feel so reassured when genuinely nice and balanced posters defend the OP and give a useful answer.

Yes some people on here are vile and I actually think it’s a sad reflection of womanhood how rude people will be to each other given a bit of anonymity.

People absolutely salivating to post a mean, cutting reply to an OP or thread reply, to make other posters feel small.

There was a thread about the DH taking 2 of 4 children to the park to give the OP a break. There followed so many comments about “why did you have 4 children” and “why can’t you look after half your children” and “who needs to have 4 children”.

OK completely not relevant to the subject of a lazy DH … but… I totally agreed with the comments 🫣 so many came on to say “stop being mean” or “not what the OP asked” etc etc.

I wouldn’t have posted those comments myself but I do feel the same. Not sure what that says about me. Maybe people are just more mean these days.

It's not just MN.

Lack of action and accountability on a number of other social media sites I expect has helped normalise this, has a trickle down impact of sorts.

Perception is the key.

Some people post stupid stuff and get roasted.

Some people come for advice.They can take it or leave it.

Some people are vulnerable.

It’s difficult to judge as the post never gives full insight into the situation.

Sometimes people just need a virtual hug,pat on the back or just telling how it is.

Sometimes it is brutal and seems unkind however running away from the problem is not going to make it go away. Pointing out to the problem and possible solutions is helpful but sometimes feels harsh,rude and blunt. Truth is not pretty and is painful but give me that any time over pretty lies.

I have been on MN long enough to see different situations.Many times posters were made aware that they were the victims and pointed out towards organizations/resources and how to turn their life around.

Overall- yes,sometimes it is a nest of vipers but it’s also a community that can stick together and help when the poster literally can’t see the wood for the trees

People may “tell it like it is”, but often they tell you like it is in their nasty mind, and it’s inaccurate.

I would say there are more gratuitously nasty replies on AIBU now whereas ten or fifteen years ago it was a bit more just ‘plain speaking’. There are still useful replies though.

I also agree with PP it’s not as funny now, like most of Mumsnet unfortunately.

Totally disagree. IMO, what we see nowadays is a result of women being more honest about their feelings on topics and actually having their own opinion rather than just sharing that of their dp. Having less time for niceties due to busier lives. Also a shift in expectations that a 20year old will see her opinion as equally valid as that of a 70 year old, the giving way to the elders and not responding in anything other than agreement is gone. It can be a more brutal place, but more honest. Not for the faint hearted!

But would you carry on reading with your cup of tea and biscuit if all the replies were "you do you, hun".

Of course there are some spiky retorts on AIBU, but it is also the board with the most trolls and made-up scenarios (and AI threads). So likely some of the curt replies are from posters who are 🙄 at the trolling.

Not always. Look at the 24 year old considering becoming a single mother with her parents' support. Every answer from her is polite and engaging with other posters,byet she's insulted by every other poster.