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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A casual friend has just told me she's standing as a Reform candidate

417 replies

Mumblechum0 · 05/04/2025 15:25

And I have no clue how to respond.

I've always liked her, we're not close, ie don't do anything just the two of us, but are often in the same group at parties, book group, joint birthday bashes etc.

She's very posh, professional job, husband's a head fund manager (he walks round in a tweed cap and goes shooting on his family estate etc etc...just setting the scene, she's well educated etc.)

Anyway, she messaged me yesterday to say that she wanted me to know in advance that she's standing as a Reform candidate in our local elections; she didn't ask for my support, but didn't want me to just see her face on a leaflet through the door.

I'm married to a black man, have a mixed race son.

I haven't responded yet, as I don't know whether it's best to just ignore, or to say thanks for letting me know, or actually to say I'm quite horrified (which is my actual reaction).

Any ideas?

OP posts:
IsItOnlyWednesday · 05/04/2025 17:56

My response would be ‘Thanks for letting me know. I have to say that I’m surprised and disappointed. I hope you’re aware that we won’t be voting for you and will not enter into any discussion with you about your politics’

Sirzy · 05/04/2025 17:57

Goldenbear · 05/04/2025 17:50

Yes, also, I fundamentally disagree with the notion that I'm narrow minded as I don't have or friends with extreme, intolerant views that undermine democracy. If that's what narrow minded looks like, give me centrist friends any old day!

Exactly.

My aunt is a very vocal racist. From when DS was born I made the choice to avoid contact with her because I didn’t want him exposed to those views. He is white British so not impacted personally by the Racism personally but I still didn’t want him exposed to it.

he is old enough now that he would question her views very vocally but thankfully we don’t see her so it’s not an issue!

if protecting him from that makes me bad then I’m happy to be so.

Goldenbear · 05/04/2025 17:58

IsItOnlyWednesday · 05/04/2025 17:56

My response would be ‘Thanks for letting me know. I have to say that I’m surprised and disappointed. I hope you’re aware that we won’t be voting for you and will not enter into any discussion with you about your politics’

My response would be, "wtaf!" As I am confident I don't have friends that would vote for them let alone stand as a candidate!

Yorkshirelass04 · 05/04/2025 17:59

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 05/04/2025 17:53

@PandoraSox , I was reading an article today about a young woman who tweeted an admittedly unpleasant comment in the first few hours after the Southport attack which she thought better of and removed four short hours later. She had a previously unblemished record and was suffering from depression following the death of one of her children. She was a childminder and cared for children from quite a cross section of races whose parents wrote glowing character reports in her defence. She was jailed for 2.5 years. She repeatedly asks to be allowed what should be her right to visit her 12 year old daughter but is consistently refused. There was no mercy shown to any person who was found to have committed the slightest wrong following those riots. I’m very confident that many people would have loved to have jailed Mr Farage if they could have found reason to do so but they could not. As I recall he questioned what we were being told which was that the perpetrator was a Welsh ex choirboy and there absolutely was no connection to terrorism. As was evidenced by the reaction of many people who came out onto the streets (I absolutely do not condone rioting) others shared his scepticism. Those that sought to conceal the truth are responsible for the riots no one else.

The people who concealed the truth about the riots are responsible for them? What rubbish. People fucked around with the law and found out.
I hope Farage is sending you a cheque in the post for those comments!

JaniceBattersby · 05/04/2025 18:00

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 05/04/2025 17:53

@PandoraSox , I was reading an article today about a young woman who tweeted an admittedly unpleasant comment in the first few hours after the Southport attack which she thought better of and removed four short hours later. She had a previously unblemished record and was suffering from depression following the death of one of her children. She was a childminder and cared for children from quite a cross section of races whose parents wrote glowing character reports in her defence. She was jailed for 2.5 years. She repeatedly asks to be allowed what should be her right to visit her 12 year old daughter but is consistently refused. There was no mercy shown to any person who was found to have committed the slightest wrong following those riots. I’m very confident that many people would have loved to have jailed Mr Farage if they could have found reason to do so but they could not. As I recall he questioned what we were being told which was that the perpetrator was a Welsh ex choirboy and there absolutely was no connection to terrorism. As was evidenced by the reaction of many people who came out onto the streets (I absolutely do not condone rioting) others shared his scepticism. Those that sought to conceal the truth are responsible for the riots no one else.

I know this case very well. Her tweet was not ‘admittedly unpleasant’, it was ‘Mass deportation now, set fire to all the fucking hotels full of the bastards for all I care... If that makes me racist, so be it’

She was part of a mob that incited racists to set fire to hotels housing migrants, which they did, putting their lives in immediate danger. If someone with online clout told a mob of loons to set fire to your home, I’d also hope they were jailed.

Connolly has been allowed to see her child - in fact her child has visited her many times in prison as her husband has posted the pictures on his social media account.

It had been many years since her first child had died and it provided limited mitigation for her actions, which is why she was jailed. Please don’t believe everything Allison Pearson says. She’s a contemptible ‘journalist’ and most legitimate reporters have nothing to do with her.

PandoraSox · 05/04/2025 18:00

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 05/04/2025 17:53

@PandoraSox , I was reading an article today about a young woman who tweeted an admittedly unpleasant comment in the first few hours after the Southport attack which she thought better of and removed four short hours later. She had a previously unblemished record and was suffering from depression following the death of one of her children. She was a childminder and cared for children from quite a cross section of races whose parents wrote glowing character reports in her defence. She was jailed for 2.5 years. She repeatedly asks to be allowed what should be her right to visit her 12 year old daughter but is consistently refused. There was no mercy shown to any person who was found to have committed the slightest wrong following those riots. I’m very confident that many people would have loved to have jailed Mr Farage if they could have found reason to do so but they could not. As I recall he questioned what we were being told which was that the perpetrator was a Welsh ex choirboy and there absolutely was no connection to terrorism. As was evidenced by the reaction of many people who came out onto the streets (I absolutely do not condone rioting) others shared his scepticism. Those that sought to conceal the truth are responsible for the riots no one else.

I don't know even where to start with this. But the woman in question tweeted an absolutely incendiary tweet. It was disgusting and no decent, non-racist person would ever post such a thing.

Are prisoners routinely allowed out of prison to visit their children? I don't know so can't comment.

The perpetrator is Welsh. He was born in Wales. He was from a Christian background. There is no evidence what so ever that he converted to any other religion.

What do you think was covered up?

Everything that you have posted is from the Reform playbook about the Southport case.

Alexandra2001 · 05/04/2025 18:02

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 05/04/2025 17:53

@PandoraSox , I was reading an article today about a young woman who tweeted an admittedly unpleasant comment in the first few hours after the Southport attack which she thought better of and removed four short hours later. She had a previously unblemished record and was suffering from depression following the death of one of her children. She was a childminder and cared for children from quite a cross section of races whose parents wrote glowing character reports in her defence. She was jailed for 2.5 years. She repeatedly asks to be allowed what should be her right to visit her 12 year old daughter but is consistently refused. There was no mercy shown to any person who was found to have committed the slightest wrong following those riots. I’m very confident that many people would have loved to have jailed Mr Farage if they could have found reason to do so but they could not. As I recall he questioned what we were being told which was that the perpetrator was a Welsh ex choirboy and there absolutely was no connection to terrorism. As was evidenced by the reaction of many people who came out onto the streets (I absolutely do not condone rioting) others shared his scepticism. Those that sought to conceal the truth are responsible for the riots no one else.

This what she wrote:

“Mass deportation now, set fire to all the fucking hotels full of the bastards for all I care, while you’re at it take the treacherous government and politicians with them. I feel physically sick knowing what these families will now have to endure. If that makes me racist so be it.”

You describe that as "unpleasant" ?? really!

She incited murder and insurrection, people acted on these types of comments, a hotel was indeed set on fire, thankfully no one was killed.

Nothing was hidden, in fact perhaps too much info was disclosed, that according to my cousin a former Barrister, we want a fair trial and we don't want people being released on technicalities.

2024onwardsandup · 05/04/2025 18:03

TokyoKyoto · 05/04/2025 16:51

You don't believe that being anti-immigration is racist, and I very, very much do. We shall never agree on this and I am not going to spend any time debating it.

I’m an immigrant - I’m all for immigrants 😁

I said questioning levels of immigration is not racist. And it’s not - all countries have a limit to resources. Do you propose that there should be no restrictions on immigration? Seriously? How do you think that works in practice?

it’s that kind of intolerant rhetoric shutting down any discussion about immigration that drives people to parties like reform because they are the only ones who will allow a discussion

EdgyMentor · 05/04/2025 18:03

Mumblechum0 · 05/04/2025 15:25

And I have no clue how to respond.

I've always liked her, we're not close, ie don't do anything just the two of us, but are often in the same group at parties, book group, joint birthday bashes etc.

She's very posh, professional job, husband's a head fund manager (he walks round in a tweed cap and goes shooting on his family estate etc etc...just setting the scene, she's well educated etc.)

Anyway, she messaged me yesterday to say that she wanted me to know in advance that she's standing as a Reform candidate in our local elections; she didn't ask for my support, but didn't want me to just see her face on a leaflet through the door.

I'm married to a black man, have a mixed race son.

I haven't responded yet, as I don't know whether it's best to just ignore, or to say thanks for letting me know, or actually to say I'm quite horrified (which is my actual reaction).

Any ideas?

I'd just ignore, and I'd ignore her too going forward.

EdgyMentor · 05/04/2025 18:04

Alexandra2001 · 05/04/2025 18:02

This what she wrote:

“Mass deportation now, set fire to all the fucking hotels full of the bastards for all I care, while you’re at it take the treacherous government and politicians with them. I feel physically sick knowing what these families will now have to endure. If that makes me racist so be it.”

You describe that as "unpleasant" ?? really!

She incited murder and insurrection, people acted on these types of comments, a hotel was indeed set on fire, thankfully no one was killed.

Nothing was hidden, in fact perhaps too much info was disclosed, that according to my cousin a former Barrister, we want a fair trial and we don't want people being released on technicalities.

Edited

Didn't she even say that if she got in trouble she'd use the death of her child to get sympathy in a text?

Goldenbear · 05/04/2025 18:04

Sirzy · 05/04/2025 17:57

Exactly.

My aunt is a very vocal racist. From when DS was born I made the choice to avoid contact with her because I didn’t want him exposed to those views. He is white British so not impacted personally by the Racism personally but I still didn’t want him exposed to it.

he is old enough now that he would question her views very vocally but thankfully we don’t see her so it’s not an issue!

if protecting him from that makes me bad then I’m happy to be so.

Good for you! I just think it's insidious and hateful and believing that to be ok has caused lots of the mess we are in.

PandoraSox · 05/04/2025 18:05

It is quite odd that @Icanthinkformyselfthanks imagined that none of us would be familiar with the Connelly case.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 05/04/2025 18:06

I'd be a grown up about it. It's really not a big deal that someone ! shock horror ! has a different political opinion than yourself.

TokyoKyoto · 05/04/2025 18:06

2024onwardsandup · 05/04/2025 18:03

I’m an immigrant - I’m all for immigrants 😁

I said questioning levels of immigration is not racist. And it’s not - all countries have a limit to resources. Do you propose that there should be no restrictions on immigration? Seriously? How do you think that works in practice?

it’s that kind of intolerant rhetoric shutting down any discussion about immigration that drives people to parties like reform because they are the only ones who will allow a discussion

I just don't have an appetite for it. And I don't have to do it!

Vannymcvan · 05/04/2025 18:06

Cloudyvibes · 05/04/2025 17:06

Very narrow minded to think that all are.

Just thick then

EmeraldRoulette · 05/04/2025 18:06

@Mumblechum0 sounds like an acquaintance rather than a friend?

I can only tell you how I'd respond. I wouldn't reply to it, but I'd be perfectly civil when I bumped into them.

I had this conversation with someone I thought was a friend. I'm a woman of colour. I was okay with her politics up to a point. But then it emerged that she didn't believe non-white candidates should be allowed to hold positions of power.

if anyone has seen my other posts and he's thinking "wow, Emerald's had really bad luck with friends" - yes, I have!

I was lucky in that I moved away from the area so I just pretended to fade that one out. I was very clear with her that much as she kept saying she wasn't a racist, if she was that angry about non white people having positions of power, she was a racist. It wasn't an angry conversation though. It was a very polite and civilised one.

it was really sad for me. She cooked me dinners and stuff when my dad died.

But in your case, it does sound more like casual acquaintances? I suspect she's told you so that you don't approach her in public and start talking about it.

Maitri108 · 05/04/2025 18:07

2024onwardsandup · 05/04/2025 18:03

I’m an immigrant - I’m all for immigrants 😁

I said questioning levels of immigration is not racist. And it’s not - all countries have a limit to resources. Do you propose that there should be no restrictions on immigration? Seriously? How do you think that works in practice?

it’s that kind of intolerant rhetoric shutting down any discussion about immigration that drives people to parties like reform because they are the only ones who will allow a discussion

What discussion? All I know about Reform is that they don't want dark skinned foreigners in the country. Not much discussion to be had.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/04/2025 18:07

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 05/04/2025 17:53

@PandoraSox , I was reading an article today about a young woman who tweeted an admittedly unpleasant comment in the first few hours after the Southport attack which she thought better of and removed four short hours later. She had a previously unblemished record and was suffering from depression following the death of one of her children. She was a childminder and cared for children from quite a cross section of races whose parents wrote glowing character reports in her defence. She was jailed for 2.5 years. She repeatedly asks to be allowed what should be her right to visit her 12 year old daughter but is consistently refused. There was no mercy shown to any person who was found to have committed the slightest wrong following those riots. I’m very confident that many people would have loved to have jailed Mr Farage if they could have found reason to do so but they could not. As I recall he questioned what we were being told which was that the perpetrator was a Welsh ex choirboy and there absolutely was no connection to terrorism. As was evidenced by the reaction of many people who came out onto the streets (I absolutely do not condone rioting) others shared his scepticism. Those that sought to conceal the truth are responsible for the riots no one else.

I think that's a skewed take on what happened there.

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/04/2025 18:08

It’s reform but the BNP

i wouldnt for for them but they are a mainstream party.

Goldenbear · 05/04/2025 18:09

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 05/04/2025 18:06

I'd be a grown up about it. It's really not a big deal that someone ! shock horror ! has a different political opinion than yourself.

If it is a 'friend', I absolutely would be shocked and horrified that they had chosen to stand as a candidate for such a right wing party. I would honestly question my judgement on becoming friends with that person.

wastingtimeonhere · 05/04/2025 18:10

This is why politics and religion are best not discussed. Your political persuasion is between a person and the ballot box. When someone puts their head above the parapet they will offend, insult or otherwise upset others. I'd respond with a thumbs up. and no further comments. You won't be voting for her, so no discussion will change yours or her mind.
Intolerance of others views can be as ugly as the offending view.

Wells37 · 05/04/2025 18:11

Just don’t talk politics if you genuinely get on. I bet lots of people in your wider friendship group might vote for them too.

Goldenbear · 05/04/2025 18:11

wastingtimeonhere · 05/04/2025 18:10

This is why politics and religion are best not discussed. Your political persuasion is between a person and the ballot box. When someone puts their head above the parapet they will offend, insult or otherwise upset others. I'd respond with a thumbs up. and no further comments. You won't be voting for her, so no discussion will change yours or her mind.
Intolerance of others views can be as ugly as the offending view.

Really, we discuss politics and social issues all of the time in my friendship group, on my WhatsApp groups (local politics), definitely in my family and extended family.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/04/2025 18:14

wastingtimeonhere · 05/04/2025 18:10

This is why politics and religion are best not discussed. Your political persuasion is between a person and the ballot box. When someone puts their head above the parapet they will offend, insult or otherwise upset others. I'd respond with a thumbs up. and no further comments. You won't be voting for her, so no discussion will change yours or her mind.
Intolerance of others views can be as ugly as the offending view.

Its not about the confidentiality of the Ballot box this person is standing as a candidate. I would reply OK and probably never speak to them again.

dapsnotplimsolls · 05/04/2025 18:14

'Thanks for letting me know' is probably the best option. If you ask her why, you'll probably get a rant in return.