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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Added extras on day out cost - ask first!!!

62 replies

AllYouNeedIsGloves · 05/04/2025 09:19

As it’s Easter hols my lovely aunt and uncle and teenage cousin invited me and my two kids to a national trust place on a day out next weekend.

I wasn’t sure it they were offering to pay for us or not so I checked the prices, my eyes watered slightly (got a fixed budget for Easter holiday activities) but I decided it’d be alright.

I told my aunt (DA) that just gardens would be fine as the house cost extra was not of interest or very suitable for my age kids. She said great and would buy the tickets.

She’s now come back and said she’s bought garden tickets and also tickets for an added extra (think mini railway type thing) and that I owe more than £20 more than what I’d figured (which was more than £40).

I don’t really have an AIBU, I’m just feeling deflated and frustrated as it’s an impossible situation. DA has no money issues so just wouldn’t have thought anything except how nice the added extra would be to do. Yes the kids will enjoy it but they would have been happy with the gardens and play area. I could say to DA “you should have checked before adding cost” but that’ll just cause bad feeling.

I just wish I’d spotted the added extra on the website and told her not to bother with that, I thought I’d done enough saying the house wasn’t something we wanted to do.

So yeah I’m stuck. Just wanted to vent. Sorry mumsnet, no one else to lament to!

OP posts:
cakeandteaandcake · 05/04/2025 09:20

You should have been more direct. “I’ll be happy to come but we can only stretch to garden tickets.”

You need to use your words now.

Frostynoman · 05/04/2025 09:22

I think you need to be open and would just say that you were budgeting for ‘x’ amount hence not wanting to pay to access the house and going forward need to stick to pre discussed costings. Can she return the tickets?

Passthecake30 · 05/04/2025 09:22

Are you taking a packed lunch? Otherwise I’d be stepping straight in and saying I was now, as the day was more expensive than I’d planned. I imagine any refreshments will be expensive.

Keroppi · 05/04/2025 09:23

Oh dear, that is annoying. But you can't really say anything or do anything except tighten your belt on other days to make up for it. The added stuff is never that good anyway!
But the kids will enjoy. Closer to the time message aunt and say you're packing a big picnic lunch to make the most of the gardens just so she doesn't expect the tea rooms too! If she pushes back you could say you've budgeted out the holidays and can't swing extra treats today, I'm sure she'd understand.

Moonnstars · 05/04/2025 09:25

Afraid you made the mistake of trying to be polite in saying the house wasn't of interest instead of just being honest and saying you couldn't afford the whole cost. I think maybe you should now just be honest and say you hadn't budgeted for extras, and can she get a refund on that part. I think it is a bit presumptive to have purchased extras without checking if she was expecting you to pay for this rather than saying I added on the extra, my treat.

Also be aware if you have younger children and are going at Easter they will have an Easter trail on as well which is around £3 if you want to take part.

Watermill · 05/04/2025 09:27

I think you have to suck it up now, as any comments about the cost will look PA and will end up spoiling the day.

Take it as a lesson in being clearer in future. If you had said you only wanted to do gardens and that’s all you were budgeting for, you could easily have kicked back when DA booked extras. She probably wouldn’t have done it, or would have booked as a treat.

I am sorry things are so tight and hope they improve soon. 💐

Original poster
AllYouNeedIsGloves · 05/04/2025 09:31

Thanks all.
I’m reluctant to speak up as it’s embarrassing to admit I don’t have the budget for it, she’d probably offer to pay which would make me feel bad. I don’t really want to admit this extra cost is an issue for me, I suppose I’m quite private about my finances. Maybe too proud I don’t know but it makes me feel grim thinking about telling her that.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 05/04/2025 09:32

I'd either say nothing and pay as like you said, its done now and will be enjoyable

Or

Check on website and with venue and see if the tickets can be returned and refunded...if they can tell aunt that whilst its a lovely idea, you are just going to stick with the garden and play area so will return the extra railway tickets.

If can't refund, I'd just accept it and be explicitly direct in future when making plans!

If I couldn't change the extra cost, then I wouldnt bother saying anything to aunt about it, it seems to just be a misunderstanding

JoshLymanSwagger · 05/04/2025 09:34

"I'm sorry, Aunt, but I can't afford more than just the gardens. Can you get in touch with overpriced attraction and cancel the stupidly expensive train ride. Oh, and I'll be bringing a picnic for me and the kids."

She is the one who fucked up, not YOU. She didn't ask - which if you're spending someone else money.

erinaceus · 05/04/2025 09:37

I understand that you might feel ashamed about not having the cash, but you don’t need to be. Many people have tight budgets. If you’re controlling your spends that’s a mark of responsibility. If you don’t draw some lines now, this problem could well reoccur on a future occasion.

Can you ask her “are you able to cancel the mini train? I don’t have the budget for that, sorry about that.” Keep it short and direct and be firm if she pushes back. If she offers to pay for the extras I’d accept the offer. If you continually pretend you have a higher budget than you actually do you’re going to face this again.

wherearemypastnames · 05/04/2025 09:38

Just say you are broke and can’t afford it and she should have asked

Chezxx · 05/04/2025 09:40

Your aunt was really rude and presumptuous to do this.
£60 to walk around a house and gardens for children?
Not a chance I would pay that.
My children wouldn't be interested.

They want you to pay to be company for them.
I wouldn't be impressed at all.

Not lovely at all.

Glowingworms · 05/04/2025 09:41

I wouldn't be asking about a refund for the train. I don't know anywhere like this where you could get that refunded so it's a pointless ask that will only cause bad feeling.

Pizzatrip · 05/04/2025 09:42

Are you sure Aunt doesn’t think the outing is her treat?

Glowingworms · 05/04/2025 09:43

Chezxx · 05/04/2025 09:40

Your aunt was really rude and presumptuous to do this.
£60 to walk around a house and gardens for children?
Not a chance I would pay that.
My children wouldn't be interested.

They want you to pay to be company for them.
I wouldn't be impressed at all.

Not lovely at all.

Its completely normal for people to invite others on paid activities and it's not paying to be company

If the conversation goes " hi we are going to x house do you fancy joining us"

Its in no way rude. The agreement was always to go to the national trust place, that was already agreed to. If your kids weren't up for the national trust then you'd decline at the start

SuperLuxuriousOmnidirectionalWhatchamajigger · 05/04/2025 09:46

I think she’s got a nerve by buying the train tickets without running it past you and asking you for the money.

I would say that the whole day is going to blow your Easter holiday budget and you don’t want to take them on the train.

carlmotl · 05/04/2025 10:10

I’m reluctant to speak up as it’s embarrassing to admit I don’t have the budget for it, she’d probably offer to pay which would make me feel bad. I don’t really want to admit this extra cost is an issue for me, I suppose I’m quite private about my finances. Maybe too proud I don’t know but it makes me feel grim thinking about telling her that.

It isn't embarrassing. You have young children and you're renting or paying a mortgage, the cost of living has gone through the roof, you're possibly not that far along in your career yet etc.
It's normal that you'd have to budget carefully. It's a lot of money to spend on a day out.

If she does offer to pay then good, she shouldn't have booked the extras without asking you first.

Going forward you do need to be firmer with her about things like this. Just say you can't afford it so can we go somewhere cheaper instead, such as a local park with a picnic.
If you never tell her that you are on a budget then she'll keep doing things like this.

PinkEasterbunny · 05/04/2025 10:12

I love the National Trust but agree it’s expensive. But rather than pay over the odds to get in at Easter, you could get annual membership and pay by direct debit for approx £12 per month for a family (which gives great value for money over the year if you use it regularly)

BiffandChip2 · 05/04/2025 10:12

YANBU it's annoying

We are NT members so that makes a visit worth it but they are never worth the costs they charge for a single visit (the point of a membership obvs)

Nonsense10 · 05/04/2025 10:15

Sorry I can't believe some of the comments on here. No one should buy extras without checking or demand the money for the not pre agreed costs.

OP just be honest and ask if you can pay it back next month as you had only budgetted for the gardens.

Mistunza · 05/04/2025 10:17

Will there be ice creams/cafe on top, and can you stretch to that too?

It sounds like it could have been crossed wires and she doesn't even think she has added an extra.

I wish you did feel able to say something, even if it's pay her now and say to her quietly on the day that it was a bit of a stretch with the extra and could she check with you first next time. Or failing that, insist on getting the tickets yourself next time.You shouldn't have to feel embarrassed, so many of us have to be really careful especially in school hols.

SadSandwich · 05/04/2025 10:19

Totally get it that you don’t want to say that but who’s going to lose out for your ego - your kids. Hey DA on reflection can we cancel the train as I’ve got to budget for 2-weeks of activities. Done.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/04/2025 10:24

I don’t really want to admit this extra cost is an issue for me, I suppose I’m quite private about my finances

That's only natural, @AllYouNeedIsGloves, though while I agree she was wrong not to check with you she'll probably go right on doing it unless something's said

So unless you'd prefer to avoid outings with her, could you perhaps say you've had some major expenses recently and that this is one too far?

pizzaHeart · 05/04/2025 10:24

I think it’s a great opportunity to point out to your aunt that you are usually budgeting. You might end up in more tricky situations with her in front of children as she might suggest something else for this trip or for the future.
Nothing wrong with budgeting - it’s an a sign of a responsible adult. So I would call to the place and ask if tickets were possible to refund and then if yes, txt your aunt that you were budgeting for X so could she please refund tickets.
This conversation is only difficult first time but luckily you only need it once - afterwards people get the hint.
If she offered to pay I would say yes. It’s not my style but sometimes people need a lesson in a way to remember for the future.

FondantFancyFan · 05/04/2025 10:30

It would have been cheaper for you to have bought the annual family membership at £13 pcm. This way you could have gone to several NT houses over the years & made your money back.