Added extras on day out cost - ask first!!!

[AllYouNeedIsGloves]

As it’s Easter hols my lovely aunt and uncle and teenage cousin invited me and my two kids to a national trust place on a day out next weekend.

I wasn’t sure it they were offering to pay for us or not so I checked the prices, my eyes watered slightly (got a fixed budget for Easter holiday activities) but I decided it’d be alright.

I told my aunt (DA) that just gardens would be fine as the house cost extra was not of interest or very suitable for my age kids. She said great and would buy the tickets.

She’s now come back and said she’s bought garden tickets and also tickets for an added extra (think mini railway type thing) and that I owe more than £20 more than what I’d figured (which was more than £40).

I don’t really have an AIBU, I’m just feeling deflated and frustrated as it’s an impossible situation. DA has no money issues so just wouldn’t have thought anything except how nice the added extra would be to do. Yes the kids will enjoy it but they would have been happy with the gardens and play area. I could say to DA “you should have checked before adding cost” but that’ll just cause bad feeling.

I just wish I’d spotted the added extra on the website and told her not to bother with that, I thought I’d done enough saying the house wasn’t something we wanted to do.

So yeah I’m stuck. Just wanted to vent. Sorry mumsnet, no one else to lament to!

NT and English Heritage are both very expensive and beyond the means of many families which is why they are sadly v much a middle class domain.

I disagree with this. I don’t think people realise how cheap the annual pass is as you can pay monthly. We are not middle class and have a family pass for around £13 a month, we do live near quite a few places (midlands) so use it a couple of times a month. Even in the winter there are activities on and quite often there are Easter/christmas trail type things that are usually £2/3 a child extra, the children’s museum had one last year for about £3 a child and they got an Easter egg each as the ‘prize’ for finishing. If you pay monthly and it’s really affordable and if you use it often it’s actually really good value for money.

Yes it’s all very wonderful if you live near several places. In my county there’s 2 decent stately home type properties 1 hour drive from me, and the rest are 2 hours or more drive away. So it’s really not worth it, at least 2 hours round trip for a cheap day out is a bit of a chore and more petrol than it’s worth tbh.

OP it’s rude of your aunt to do this - she’s effectively assumed to spend your money without checking with you. Don’t feel embarrassed about bringing it up with her -the embarrassment should be all hers.

It’s only good value for money if there are numerous locations close to where you live. Otherwise, it becomes expensive to travel

That's what we did when our child was little and older. My DH bought a family N.T.membership one year and Historic Scotland the next. We saw lots of lovely places for no extra outlay. We brought along inexpensive 'add ons' like Kites.Beach balls. Bubble ect. We always had a picnic. Our DD preferred it.

This definitely take a packed lunch nt food is absolutely extortionate

I'd say, oh we only budgeted for the gardens. Please turn in the extras for a refund if you can, sorry I hadn't realised you were planning on booking additional things or I'd have said we can't afford them

Definitely take packed lunches. NT and EH are both expensive for food and sometimes are so busy not quite hot enough, at the closest place near to me anyway because of volume presumably. A picnic is always exciting for children and you can take what they eat. Some nice cake to share with everyone would be good too and I'm sure they would appreciate it. Then have a good time and I hope the weather stays good for you.

I just wouldn't have let someone arrange a trip for us without talking about where, costs etc first. As an aunt I take my nieces out for a treat and pay for them, along with my own DC and vice versa. We parents would always offer to pay towards it but don't accept as we all do it.

This happened to me a little while ago, with an organised event. There was an initial cost quoted by the friends organising it, then a flurry of messages with the cost rising each time as they organised more add ons and effectively spent our money without checking first.

I pulled out and didn't feel guilty as I hadn't agreed to any of it, only the initial cost. It wasn't a 'pick and choose' option, it was all or nothing and as the 'all' kept rising, I couldn't afford it.

If you can't afford it, I would just say so. 'Thank you so much and the add on sounds amazing but it's beyond my budget I'm afraid.' And leave it to them to resolve. You don't have to pay for the add on!

Oh sorry just read your updates! The paying next month is a great idea.

she asked for the OP to send extra money

This.

There's one house my DCs and I love going in (they'd rather eat glass than go in the other ones). I will still only pay for the House when it's on offer.

I'm afraid you just have to be blunt with these type of family members OP. If £ is no issue for them they'd just assume it's no issue for you too. 'Sorry but I can't afford x and y' shouldn't lead to feeling anyone being embarrassed in this day and age.