or is dh about holidays?

[holidaydramallama]

We're going away at easter with our DC (so next week) just for a cheapish week in Spain. DH has a teen DS, who unfortunately isn't able to come due to GCSE revision.

We want to make sure DSS gets a holiday with us in the summer after his GCSEs, but would need to be in summer hols because of our own DC and school terms (so v expensive).

We both earn ok and split holidays where we can.

My AIBU is that DH is refusing to look at summer holidays now, as we're going away next week. My argument is that I am fed up of the last minute nature of all of DHs planning, and I've found a reasonable option for august and the prices might go up - I don't think I should be expected to pay more if we split the cost if the prices go up (if its even still available it might not be!) be DH refuses to look now.

I can't even just book something with a deposit as he just won't agree to pay it, and I don't/can't cover the entire cost myself.

WDYT?

Wait until you’ve been away next week first and try again?

What is his rationale for refusing to look now?

@Passthecake30 I don't think he'll look even then - he has form for being very last minute with holidays all the time.

@TheFlis said he doesn't want to sign up to thousands - but still insists he must take DSS away in the summer so I can't understand the logic (I've found a very good eurocamp and cheap flights) which is ironic as it'll end up a lot more the longer we leave it (which has happened before and we had to change locations because of it). We can afford it.

I'd be fine with a lodge in the UK or something but it's him that insists that DSS should go abroad so I don't really know what his actual rationale is lol.

I am not sure I understand this, is he just refusing to look now as his priority is the holiday next week, or is he not bothered about a holiday in the summer (which is for the benefit of his child) because you have already had a holiday?

@Moonnstars refusing to look now as his priority is the holiday next week (which is already paid etc. so all he needs to do is pack and turn up). What's bothering me is he wants me to pay half, but I don't think I should pay half if/when the price jumps up because he wouldn't book in advance if that makes sense?

Is his rationale that he can only possibly consider planning one holiday at a time? Bonkers…it doesn’t sound like either holiday needs complex planning but it does need to be booked

Tell him you'll pay half the price now. If it goes up, he pays more.

Reading your other update then it sounds like he is being unreasonable.
Do you always split finances in half? Is that fair?
I don't think you should have pay more because he can't be bothered to take a look or at least agree to what you have found. How involved is he in choosing somewhere?

Why does it have to be august if he’s doing GCSE’s we’re going the day after exams finish as it’s a lot cheaper. DH & DSS could have a wonderful time and there’s a lot of bargains around for that week at the moment

@obsessedwithfreshbread because our own DC is in primary school

Is he last minute about anything else? Some people have a complete inability to plan ahead at all, just as some have no sense of direction, for example.

@PosiePerkinPootleFlump basically! our easter holiday is a lot 'less' in terms of hotel and location for the same price because he wouldn't book in advance. he never used to be so weird about booking holidays!

The later you book the less choice there is so you end up paying more for less. Before my kids were school aged I booked like your DH, these days I book our summer holiday in January/Feb..... I'm not a natural forward planner but I got fed up of choosing from the holidays that were leftover and paying more for them. So yes he's being hugely unreasonable and you shouldn't have to pay for that.

@Moonnstars he paid the majority of things when our DC was small as I was part time due to childcare costs etc. I am full time now, and recently got a fairly decent payrise. He still earns more but, but pays slighlty more proportionately to bills. Holidays is one thing he's been a bit weird about recently though.

I want to give the DC as many experiences as possible and he doesn't seem to have the same priorities as he gets older (he used to! not sure what's changed)

@LlynTegid a little bit - he's very unorganised tbh it's quite a bugbear! He doens't even remember what time DC swimming lesson is (which happens every week!!)

@TerribleGardener exactly that and this is what has happened with our Easter holiday. Cheaper area and hotel than we'd planned for the same price.

@WhisperGold haha I said that to him and got told 'I I I - where's the team?' or something similar absolutely bizarre

He's being unreasonable. When you are planning holidays with kids/teens at peak times then you have to book ahead or you end up paying lots of money or having to choose from leftovers, it's just a fact of life when you are a parent. I think he's being stubborn. Especially when you have taken done all the legwork to find suitable options

Tell him you won't be paying more than £x towards the cost of a summer holiday. That's the price it is to book ahead.

If he wants to gamble and wait, he'll have to be prepared to pay more.

Tell him to take his son away for a few days on his own.

Let him organise and pay for it.
Sounds like you have a right lazy loser there.

Can't remember weekly swimming? Waster.

@Olinguita exactly. It's starting to get me down tbh as I don't want our DC to miss out on holidays but it's going to end up happening and I can't/won't/shouldn't have to pay for the entire thing myself. Not sure he'd be too impressed if I just booked for me and DC without him and DSS!

That’s fine. It’s up to him to book the holiday, and you’ll pay no more than x amount (whatever your split of the holiday you found is). Just be clear on your expectations and boundaries around this.

@GabriellaMontez I think that's what I'll have to do but it will definitely be an argument down the line I tihnk.

My suggestion is he takes his DC away on his own once the GCSEs are over.

Do you definitely know his DC wants to come on holiday as a family group? They might not, they may even have plans to do something with their own friends.

Please don't book anything specifically with his DC in mind until you know what their plans are.

@Chezxx trouble with that is DC and DSS don't get a holiday together which they both very much want