or is dh about holidays?

[holidaydramallama]

We're going away at easter with our DC (so next week) just for a cheapish week in Spain. DH has a teen DS, who unfortunately isn't able to come due to GCSE revision.

We want to make sure DSS gets a holiday with us in the summer after his GCSEs, but would need to be in summer hols because of our own DC and school terms (so v expensive).

We both earn ok and split holidays where we can.

My AIBU is that DH is refusing to look at summer holidays now, as we're going away next week. My argument is that I am fed up of the last minute nature of all of DHs planning, and I've found a reasonable option for august and the prices might go up - I don't think I should be expected to pay more if we split the cost if the prices go up (if its even still available it might not be!) be DH refuses to look now.

I can't even just book something with a deposit as he just won't agree to pay it, and I don't/can't cover the entire cost myself.

WDYT?

Oh wow! "The team does not leave it until the last minute and then expect everyone else to pay more as a result "!

If he can’t be arsed to book a holiday for his kid then that’s a him problem. Leave him to it!

Wow what an arse. Tell him this is what you have found and so you wont be paying anymore than x. When he decides to book, if it is more, he pays the difference.

can he take the child away kn his own in late june / early july? That was my dh‘s plan for when my dd finishes her exams.

Could this be because he wants to go away with his teen, alone?

@Createausername1970 they are going away with their mum, and have said they want to come with us as well, but I do think it's FOMO more than whether they'll actually enjoy it if you see what I mean? Last year we offered them to come to a caravan holiday and they said no, but did want to come to a 'fancier' lodge type that we did so I think it's very much wanting to do the nicer stuff rather than overly bothered about it being with their dad

Leave DH to arrange it then.
Keep a tabs on the prices now, and compare it to what he books & let him know you can’t afford the increase, hence you’ll pay half what it would’ve costed had he been more organised.

Sounds like your husband is stressed. He gets overwhelmed making decisions and finds the process unpleasant so he puts it off until the urgency motivates him finally. Is there any chance you could just book it anyway?

@GabriellaMontez honestly no I don't think so - they'd both be bored. They are very different personalities and have some lovely afternoons out together but a whole weekend/week holiday I don't think they'd enjoy after a day or two.

DSS did have a few holidays with DH alone when he was younger.

@Happyinarcon if I booked it any I worry he wouldn't pay his share

This. He sounds infuriating.

I was going to sugest exactly this. He gets to sort the holiday but he can't expect you to contribute more than you would pay if booking now which is xxx.

Yeah I think I’ll just say this is my budget based on the deals I found when you wouldn’t book. If it’s more than 🤷‍♀️ his problem I suppose or I’ll just take DC somewhere with the money I’ve set aside

I would definitely leave it to DH to sort out in that case, but you need to be clear what you can afford to contribute if he wants a family holiday.

Sit him down now and tell him to make a choice: book now or organise himself and pay more proportionally and in actual costs when booking it in the summer. Make it his problem today.

WDYT?

Id book for me and my dc and leave dh at home if he doesn't want to go on holiday in the summer

Yeah I think I’ll just leave him to it. It probably won’t happen and then he’ll moan we’ve not taken DSS away and say he feels bad etc but I feel like I’ve done all I can?

Id probably book a self made holiday - flights and a booking dot com place - then if dh changes his mind he only has to pay for his (expensive by then) flight and a proportion of the rental

Unless your DS is in year 6 I would find a holiday in July either just after DSS finished GCSEs for a week so cheaper or take DS out 2/3 days before end term 6 so the 4 of you can go together - it sounds lovely that DSS wants to go with DS

THIS is your real problem OP. Rather than focussing on the small scale holidays issue, perhaps concentrate on why you can’t trust your life partner not to screw you financially if the opportunity arises

@Dunnocantthinkofone this is an absolutely fair and valid point.

I was going to book a Christmas experience (willing to foot the bill for the very expensive tickets myself) if he paid the spending money (much less). He said let’s assess when we get there. I didn’t book the tickets. Just hate that DC miss out due to this tbh.

I'm not saying LTB, because you haven't said how you feel about the relationship as a whole, however, if you split up, you might end up better off financially anyway 😂

For context, me and my daughter's dad do 50/50, I'm the higher earner, no child maintenance is due from either of us, but I get to spend my money on taking my daughter away just the two of us, plus she does things with her dad and her stepmum.

What on earth? Your marriage has bigger issues than a holiday

So this is really about money.

Perhaps in future you should book trips like the Christmas one without him?

I get that's not ideal, but better than not going.

Is he generally tight with money?

Is be telling him the Same and I’d stick to it !
Do either I wouldn’t go on the holiday or I’d bill my own with kid.
I mean he had 1.5 kids you have 0.5
he looses out financially if he wants to be an arse about it. .
He doesn't have to book now as you will
oat half. show him you won’t.

You could just say you are going to book a. Solo
Holiday for you and dc. Or if your not bothered about another holiday just refuse.

Give him your budget and leave him to it

If it's more he'll have to cover it