to think grandparents do not have to treat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren?

[betnet]

Firstly, I am not advocating for step children to be treated badly in anyway.

But I think it is fine if grandparents do not give gifts or gifts to the same value to the stepchildren as to their grandchildren. If there was a divorce the stepchildren would generally not be seen anymore anyway.

People generally would not expect grandparents to give their non related stepchildren an inheritance. Those who advocate for stepchildren to be treated exactly equally, do you think they should inherit from non related grandparents?

I am talking about stepchildren in this instance where ones DD or DS has married a partner who has children from an ex partner.

Same for family holidays. Often grandparents will pay for a family holiday and want their grandchildren to join them. They should not have to pay for the step grandchildren also.

Stepchildren can end up with four sets of grandparents.

You wanted to vent at people is that the point of the thread?

Your DD has no boundaries if that's the case allowing her husband to ask you that. She has no shame.

Frankly I'd wash my hands off the lot of them. But then I don't believe in having children I cant support. Or in taking money from parents.
I 'd rather my kids went to state and on UK hols than take money from my mum. I did and turned out ok. I am impressing on my kids that I am not paying for their poor marriage and procreation choices.

Why don't you try reading?

She didn't allow him anything. Is that how marriages between adults work? Each party allows each other to do things. Strange.

She didn't know he asked. I already mentioned this. She has plenty of boundaries.

So shame on you.

That is fine for you. But I am not going to sit and do nothing when I can help my DD when she fell into financial trouble. Plenty of people lose their jobs and have hard times. She is already getting back on track and will take over the payments soon. Families are there to support each other. She has been incredibly helpful to me so of course I would do the same.

Impress whatever you want on your kids. Ultimately they will make their own minds up and make their own decisions regardless of what you impress on them.

Does your DD know what he asked you?

I've got lovely in-laws who accepted my 2 DS's with ADHD as their own DGC. My eldest was 17 and youngest was 8. They had them go stay with them for a week every summer so DH and I could have a romantic break. In-laws live by seaside so DC always very happy to go. In-laws used to take a week off from their work to drive DS's about somewhere nice every day. Fil used to help DC to make me birthday gift from wood each year, a bird box or plant box or similar then painted. In-laws have biological DGC and my DS's were always treated equally. Equal amount spent on their birthday gifts and they always made them a stocking at Xmas. My.Fil has died but MiL showed me their mirror wills and my DS's have been left an equal amount to their other DGC. My boys are both adults now and MiL is old and not in good health. My boys travel 60 and 140 miles to visit MiL about every 8 weeks so each month and ne of them goes to visit her and take her out for an ice cream or a cream tea or meal. My Dad died shortly after my eldest DS was born and exh Dad was dead before boys born so DH's Dad was the only Grandad my boys had and they loved him. My MiL was their Nan just as much as my Mum was. Also my MiL has in her will that if DH was to die before her I inherit what would have been his share of house. We always invited my in-laws on.holiday with us for 2 weeks each summer and they always insisted on babysitting my youngest son some evenings so DH and I could have a night out. Needless to say I love my MiL and I loved my Fil too. They are such lovely people. In the same spirit I gift me foster DC the same value gifts as my own DC and the long term placements I've cared for for many years eg from 5 years to 18 years will get financial help when he goes to Uni in September and he will inherit from me too.

I feel for you OP.
What a crew your daughter married into.
Him and his Ex both with 6 children each?.
Who does that these days?
She clearly married down.

Your responsibility, such as you choose it to be, is to your grandchildren only.

Yes of course.

Well you dont seem v happy with this support and the man your DD married after 16 odd pages of arguing.

I met a woman last year she was telling me about her divorce she said "he spoke to her mother disrespectfully". All her family live abroad it takes a lot of courage to leave a marriage. She kept her dignity, self respect and self worth. I couldn't be with a man like that who could be so disrespectful to my mother.

Where in the 16 pages have I said I am not happy with the support I am providing for my GC? Where have I commented about my feelings about my SIL?

Genuinely interested to see how you have come to this conclusion. Provide the quotes.

Wonderful.

@GreenlittecatOP literally said she’s not advocating for being cruel! Did you not read the full post???

My grandmother remarried when I was about 6 months old and he was my grandfather in any sense of the word. He’d never had kids so it was nonstop lovely spoiling from him (taking me out for ice cream and buying me Barbie’s regularly sort of thing). It was lovely and a bonus family experience for both of us despite no blood relationship whatsoever.

I agree the OP’s DD made a poor marriage choice and married into fecklessness. The SIL literally hit the jackpot with her DD after an ex-wife who didn’t work!

However, the OP is just trying to protect her GC from bearing the brunt of this poor choice. I don’t think she could have stopped the marriage so I don’t think she needs to feel ashamed.

I think everyone agrees that the SIL is a bit of a low-life.

@betnet I completely agree, OP. Why should step grandchildren inherit from non-bio grandparents when they’ve also likely got another two sets of grandparents, yet the bio-grandchildren only have their two bio GPs? and one of those inheritances also becomes diluted by the inclusion of step-grandchildren? Very unfair.

I used to know someone who bragged about her inheritance from her step-grandparents (they were first to pass and not wealthy but comfortable). She then also went on to inherit from both sets of her bio-grandparents. This resulted in her losing her relationships with both of her resentful step-brothers, as it had meant that their inheritance from their very well loved grandparents had been split with her, when they actually had no other grandparents on their other parents’ side of the family. So this woman got 3 lots of grand parental inheritance, yet her step-brothers got one….watered down. But yeah, let’s be ‘fair’ 👍🏻

Families are there to support each other...

also, why would I invest money into these children?

The irony.

Are your SIL's ex-wife and her husband on benefits or do they have other sources of income? If it's the latter, I would assume that there is quite a stark contrast between the living standards of the older 4 step-grandchildren and the 2 biological grandchildren. Your grandchildren are privately educated and have riding lessons while their siblings live in a workless household. They sound very much like the 'poor relations'.

None of this is your responsibility to fix but I feel a bit sorry for your step-grandchildren.

This resulted in her losing her relationships with both of her resentful step-brothers, as it had meant that their inheritance from their very well loved grandparents had been split with her

So what? They obviously thought a lot of her and CHOSE to leave her something, what business is that of anyone else, including the step brothers, ungrateful sods!

It could easily have been that her bio grandparents didn't have anything to leave her and then her step grandparents didn't leave her anything on principle and she didn't inherit from anyone.

It's all so crass and grabby to think of it in those terms.

Does supporting them mean I pay for school fees for an additional four step GC that I cannot afford?

Yes they are on benefits.

It is not a great example for the step GC.

What does your DD think of the situation?

You have made numerous incorrect assumptions and judgments against my DD, now you want to know what she thinks of the situation? 🙄

Obviously from that response she doesn't care. Stop buying into them if you don't agree. You're allowing them to treat like the bank of England.

I don't agree with what? How am I allowing anyone to treat me like the bank of England?

Seriously, are you able to read?