to think grandparents do not have to treat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren?

[betnet]

Firstly, I am not advocating for step children to be treated badly in anyway.

But I think it is fine if grandparents do not give gifts or gifts to the same value to the stepchildren as to their grandchildren. If there was a divorce the stepchildren would generally not be seen anymore anyway.

People generally would not expect grandparents to give their non related stepchildren an inheritance. Those who advocate for stepchildren to be treated exactly equally, do you think they should inherit from non related grandparents?

I am talking about stepchildren in this instance where ones DD or DS has married a partner who has children from an ex partner.

Same for family holidays. Often grandparents will pay for a family holiday and want their grandchildren to join them. They should not have to pay for the step grandchildren also.

Stepchildren can end up with four sets of grandparents.

In case of divorce you may not see SGC again - there is absolutely a difference even though on a day-to-day basis most people make sure it's not visible. I'd only pay for your GC. Interesting how most people saying they treat GC and SGC equally are not staying whether SGC will also inherit.

Generally, I feel that day to day they should be treated the same…. gifts, holidays, overall inclusion.

In terms of inheritance, I don’t think it should be expected. But then I never believe that inheritance should ever be expected by anyone, I think people can leave their assets however they choose.

So the step grandchildren weren't even at private school. Yet your Son in law was only paying for private school for two of HIS OWN 6 children and didn't see that as unfair until you stepped in and now suddenly it's unfair!?

What a hilarious wanker he is!

I don't have any children but I do have a step niece. We had to individually name all our nieces and nephews - including her - in our wills so that she definitely won't be missed out.

I don't imagine for a minute she'll be expecting it.

The inheritance question is easily resolved. You will your assets to your children, not your grandchildren. End of. You could leave a token gift to DGC and treat all the same.

Willing ££ to grandchildren leaves the possibility that more DgC might be born later who were not in the will.

Holiday - So I have a little boy. If I met a nice man and had another baby, I would be really upset if this nice man's parents offered to take me, the man and the new baby on holiday but expected me to do what exactly with the big boy? Leave him behind? Exclude him? Pack him off to his dads? Or me pay to pay for him to come (on a holiday I wouldn't have chosen myself that I'm only doing to please my husband?) wouldn't the little baby be happier if their big sibling was there too? I think I'd stay behind and let husband and baby go without me.

Gifts- it's sad to visit a family around Christmas time and not give presents to all the children you'll see - don't break the bank of course but I'd rather the new in laws gave me nothing at all than excluded my child. If you don't give step grandchildren gifts in case they separate, In the same vein why would you give your children's partners gifts as they might be divorced? If the children who don't live with both their parents end up with a couple more presents than those that too it's hardly compensation.

Inheritance- no, you only give your own family inheritance (and maybe token gifts to friends or godchildren too) as they'll have other grandparents to inherit from.

I think it really depends on what we're talking about. Leaving step children out of Christmas presents or a holiday seems awful. But I can imagine people restricting inheritances to biological grandchildren only, unless it was a particularly close relationship.

I think a lot depends on the length of the relationship. If the step-grandparents have been part of a child's life since the child was, say, five, then it is nice if they treat them the same as biological grandchildren with regard to gifts, going out, holidays, etc. I know I would. Inheritance is different assuming the step-grandkids will inherit from their biological relatives; if they have no inheritance coming their way, I'd include them somehow.

However they don't have to, it's a choice.

That can be easily addressed if it’s a concern. A trust specifically for blood grandchildren is an option.

This comes up a lot for those working in financial planning and probate, with blended families being increasingly common.

Same here

As several of us have pointed out already, this isn't an 'easy solve' because of the possibility that OPs DD goes first and leaves all/much of her estate to her DH. He already has other DC who he thinks OP is short changing, so he could quite easily decide to take the opportunity to balance things out. This is just not a sensible thing to do if you want your GC to inherit. Even if your argument is to treat the SGC and GC all the same, that's most likely to be achieved by leaving it to them directly.

If posthumous blood DC are a big concern, better to set up a trust that pays to all GC living on a certain date, and make it after OPs DD will be too old for more kids. Which may not even be relevant anyway, depending on her age and medical situation.

Does it mean I don't like them because I can't afford an additional four sets of school fees?

100% up to grandparents to do what they want.

I’ve seen grandparents favour different g-children in different ways …. One family struggling financially get more ££, another has a gifted child £££ for priv school, another ££ for tuition for struggling child. Another grandparents favour grandchildren from a first marriage and mum is single could use ££.

100% their money and their choice. GP can do what makes THEM happy, there is no fairness calculator.

Is it discrimination not to pay step grandchildren school fees?

GC get horse riding paid for too but not step GC. Is that wrong as well?

Did all the step gc inherit from her? Would she have paid all their school fees?

OP if you were comfortable with your decision you would not be in here incessantly replying to posters with the same question about inheritance. You can do whatever you want to do. You are getting opinions because you asked for them. If you think you’re 100% in the right then just leave the thread and go on with your life.

It’s totally your choice and they’re very lucky you’re helping out.

SIL is wrong.

good.Im glad, You re obviously a decent human being unlike the obsessively bio types who cant love anyone unless they are related.I remember one of my mum's carers who once told me how she had had to write a birthday card for one of her patients whose son never called or came round except to discuss money.This bio favouritism is so revolting and cruel.

Exactly. People keep focusing on gifts and saying how cruel it is not to treat them equally but most would not leave step grandchildren an inheritance. Then suddenly it is not cruel anymore.

Don’t the steps have their own grandparents?

Do both sets of GP need to provide support / tests to all GC?

Maybe get all the GP together to pool their treats and allocate them equally.

So to clarify, your daughter with two children from her first marriage has married a man with four children?
You pay the school fees for your daughter's children. The new husband wants you to pay school fees for his four children so it's fair?
That is unreasonable. Why did the new family not discuss this? Surely your daughter would have said they are all going to x school before she married him? Your daughter is building resentment and you paying is not helping. I'm one of four. Two of us went to private schools, two didn't purely as there was a shiny new one locally. Let me tell you there was bad feelings later on.
Your daughter married a man with four DC that within itself takes huge reserves.
If six sets of fees can't be found I'd put them all in the state school and perhaps do private six form. And you op are not the family ATM. Your new son in law has a cheek and an eye on your money!

My husband would never expect my Mum to leave inheritance to his children from his 1st marriage, they have biological grandparents from both their Dad and Mum's side

I'm coming at it from the point of view of an actual blood grandparent. I have a 10 year old granddaughter who has a stepfather and step mother who have been around since she was about 3. She sees the stepparents' parents occasionally and they give her a smallish present for Christmas and birthdays. However it's absolutely clear that they don't play any kind of grandparental role, she calls them by their first names for example and they don't look after her on their own.
That's because she already has close relationships with her actual grandparents, particularly with me, and I would be extremely pissed off if any of these step grandparents started trying to usurp my role, it is a completely different relationship.
There's no way in my opinion that it's possible to feel the same visceral love for a step grandchild as it is for one that's the child of your own child. At some point I expect the step grandparents will have their own actual grandchildren, I would expect them to feel very differently about those children than they do about my grandchild and it would be perfectly reasonable for them to give more presents, holidays etc than they did to my granddaughter, who already has her own highly involved grandparents.
As for inheritance, it's ridiculous to expect a step grandchild to inherit the same as a blood one. Why on earth should they when they have their own families to inherit from.
In my family grandchildren don't inherit so there's no issue, in our wills everything goes to the children and it's up to them what they do with the money.

The steps do have their own GP.

I don't know what the other GP provide.

I will happily pay for my GC school fees but not the step GC. I will pay for school trips and horse riding for my GC, I can't afford another 4 sets of everything for the step GC.