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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my therapist ACTUALLY ghosted me

61 replies

Notmollybutdolly · 03/04/2025 18:21

I have a great counsellor who I had for 10 sessions over the course of 6 months. We had a great connection I really respected and liked her and she made me feel ‘seen’. I. Learnt a lot from our and hoped to continue after the 10 sessions were up.

We had a short break while I organised potentially getting some help with the costs of her services. I kept her up to date and after the last message I sent, I haven’t heard from her? It’s been almost 6 weeks now. this is what I sent:

’’ I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner I've not heard anything back! Peter (DH) lost his job last week so I was thinking about having a wee break from counselling for maybe a couple of months and seeing how I get on? What do you think? Or even booking with you once a month? Would that be something that could work for you?’’

AIBU to chase her up???

DH says i should get in touch again but I’m so put off by it. I get there can Be extenuating circumstances but this just seems so out of character.

OP posts:

MesmerisingMuon · 03/04/2025 18:24

She is a business, and you're writing to her like a friend.

Wait until you have decided what YOU would like to do and then tell her what you'd like to book.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 03/04/2025 18:25

Times are tough, it could be that she sees you as an unreliable client and would find it difficult to slot you in when you are able to afford it.

It does read a bit like you aren't very sure what you want in that message. Perhaps she thinks you will book one session and then take a break and then try and contact again.

However she should have sent you a message back, I can understand how it would feel shitty to have someone you trust not respond.

thesilliestgoose · 03/04/2025 18:29

you sent a professional a text message that essentially says “i was thinking of not paying you for a few months and seeing how i get on? what do you think?”. If you want to make an appointment with her contact her in a professional manner.

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 18:34

So you were later getting back to her than was agreed
plus you’re suggesting a change to her terms of business
She has now filled your space
She’s running a business not a charity

how long ago did you send?

either way… don’t chase

northerneast · 03/04/2025 18:34

God don’t message her again. You were a client, couldn’t afford any more sessions and have written to her as if she is a friend.

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 18:35

This “short break”… how long?

WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 03/04/2025 18:37

Look, with respect, 10 sessions over 6 months is not a lot, did you cancel a lot in that time?
She won't have kept your space open, and I'm guessing the short break was actually a fairly long one?

lnks · 03/04/2025 18:45

I agree with pp, you are way too familiar. What does 'had a great connection' even mean?

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/04/2025 18:47

She may have needed to take a break from working, depending on how long a break you’ve had. When my mum died suddenly I had to stop seeing clients pretty much immediately and for a few months. I messaged all my current clients and gave some explanation and offered alternative support. I then didn’t look at my work phone or email for about 3 months. It’s entirely possible someone trying to get back in touch during that time have felt ghosted but I simply wasn’t working.

Contact her again when you are ready to book time in with her.

Cardinalita90 · 03/04/2025 18:47

You say you "kept her up to date" during this break which suggests you were sending a few holding or non committal messages. As others have said, she's offering a professional service so if this was the case I can see why she'd find it a nuisance. She was probably thinking either book or go away.

Don't message again, if she's genuinely been snowed under you'll hear something back. But therapy only really works if you're consistent so might br worth getting your finances lined up first.

Muffinmam · 03/04/2025 18:49

Of course she ghosted you!!

Did you honestly expect a response?

It sounds like you’re trying to get free therapy.

Original poster

Notmollybutdolly · 03/04/2025 18:56

Thanks all for the input and advice. Has made me see it in a different way now.

I had 10 sessions which weren’t regular as that’s the way it worked with us. I would see her, then at the end of the session we would agree on the next date, rather than being set in stone every single week. So sometimes it was once every 2 weeks, other times due to us both having holidays it was less frequent, and then she was ill a few times.

also the 10 sessions were through my employee assistance program, so I was absolutely willing to pay for her myself but as my partner lost ihis job it was the case of looking at our funds over the next few months.

re: the overly friendly tone. I felt silly corresponding with her in a formal tone, as when I was in my sessions with her that would be a totally different tone from how you all are suggesting I write to her. And I didn’t feel genuine messaging her in a formal tone. But I’ll take that on board for next time.

thanks again.

OP posts:

EquinoxQueen · 03/04/2025 19:00

If it was through EAP could you not ask your employer for additional sessions (mine offer this after the first lot but need to get it approved) and ask to have the same therapist?

Psychologymam · 03/04/2025 19:02

She should have responded politely either way, but 10 sessions over six months is unusual - did you cancel frequently? That potentially may be why there wasn’t a response.

PassingStranger · 03/04/2025 19:03

Ifcshe definitely got the message, then she isn't interested
Let it go. It would be stalkerish and embarrassing to keep on.
Not everything works out.sometimes it's meant to be.

Original poster

Notmollybutdolly · 03/04/2025 19:05

Psychologymam · 03/04/2025 19:02

She should have responded politely either way, but 10 sessions over six months is unusual - did you cancel frequently? That potentially may be why there wasn’t a response.

Hi as I explained above in my reply as to why the 10 sessions were over 6 months.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notmollybutdolly · 03/04/2025 19:08

EquinoxQueen · 03/04/2025 19:00

If it was through EAP could you not ask your employer for additional sessions (mine offer this after the first lot but need to get it approved) and ask to have the same therapist?

I did ask, after discussing with my counsellor. I kept her up to date as I waited to hear from eap, but eventually they said they couldn’t offer me more sessions as they hadn’t heard back from my actual employer. So my text above was regarding that. Thank you.

OP posts:

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/04/2025 19:12

While you are facing a lot of valid feedback here, she should have replied if only to say she’s fully booked, no room for extra sessions etc.
Therapists are not drop-in centres through or there to just sit and listen to problems sporadically.
If you want to do the work, you have to commit to it. At best, it would be weekly. Anything less than fortnightly is a waste of both of your time.
She might be a great therapist, you may have had a rapport, but therapists do take their work seriously and if it felt more like an ad-hoc arrangement she may have felt there was little more she could do. Your message isn’t very clear, and good therapists are in high demand.
I was lucky enough to have a brilliant one but he said treat me as you would an NHS consultant in that you show up on time, ready to do the work. You wouldn’t send that message to a GP or a surgeon.
Yes, you don’t have to be serious in terms of tone but what you do have to do is be committed and have the resources to pay if it’s private.

applegrumbling · 03/04/2025 19:13

If it was through EAP there may be a minimum time required before she can take you on privately.

TryForSpring · 03/04/2025 19:17

Your message was absolutely fine to send to a therapist. It's not a business relationship. She should have replied.

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 19:19

It is even clearer now

previously she was paid for the 10 sessions direct from your employer

now you admit to financial difficulties and you’re now responsible for paying her, she is understandably concerned about trouble being paid

TryForSpring · 03/04/2025 19:19

Although it's rather dramatic to say she "ACTUALLY ghosted" you when she just hasn't replied to one message. Just send follow-up or phone her to check that she received it.

Lesleyann25 · 03/04/2025 19:20

Mine wouldn’t let me quit, said is this a problem in all your relationships. Erm no I just wasn’t really getting anywhere in the sessions.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 03/04/2025 19:24

TryForSpring · 03/04/2025 19:17

Your message was absolutely fine to send to a therapist. It's not a business relationship. She should have replied.

I agree with this.

Original poster

Notmollybutdolly · 03/04/2025 19:28

my Non-committal type text there is due to the nature of how I saw our 10 sessions. As I explained they weren’t at the same time every week, it was whenever she could fit me in and when I wasn’t working. And that seemed to be her preferred method of working, so I took it from her lead in that I asked the question if it could be on an ‘on demand’ service. now I realise I could have probably worded it better and sounded more certain.
do you all not agree that she should’ve just messaged me back and let me know either way? Like either to say ‘no that doesn’t work for me’ or just to explain how she wanted it to work, she wasn’t new to the game, and I would’ve appreciated clarity either way.
thanks again for all your opinions.

OP posts:

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