my therapist ACTUALLY ghosted me

[Notmollybutdolly]

I have a great counsellor who I had for 10 sessions over the course of 6 months. We had a great connection I really respected and liked her and she made me feel ‘seen’. I. Learnt a lot from our and hoped to continue after the 10 sessions were up.

We had a short break while I organised potentially getting some help with the costs of her services. I kept her up to date and after the last message I sent, I haven’t heard from her? It’s been almost 6 weeks now. this is what I sent:

’’ I'm so sorry for not getting back to you sooner I've not heard anything back! Peter (DH) lost his job last week so I was thinking about having a wee break from counselling for maybe a couple of months and seeing how I get on? What do you think? Or even booking with you once a month? Would that be something that could work for you?’’

AIBU to chase her up???

DH says i should get in touch again but I’m so put off by it. I get there can Be extenuating circumstances but this just seems so out of character.

Perhaps she felt overwhelmed by your messages and unsure if she wanted to continue counselling you.

anyone that easily overwhelmed shouldn’t be giving therapy but rather in receipt of it

OP's message was fine ffs.

Hopefully the message was genuinely overlooked for some reason OP. I'd follow up with a to-the-point message saying you'd like to book in with her for an appointment on such and such a date if possible and look forward to her response to confirm. If it isn't ok with her then she should let you know this, and why. You'd expect communication to be a basic aspect of a therapist's job role.

Utter bollocks. A therapist needs to be able to deal with a bit of uncertainty and reply appropriately.

Yes she is running a business but a therapist is a little different to say your estate agent or bank manager. The tone of the message is fine.

OP, chase her up. I do wonder if they havent replied because although you did ask a couple of questions, you mention seeing her in a couple of months or once a month that she perhaps didn't think it urgent to reply to and has now forgotten.

Maybe she forgot to reply, professionals make mistakes. Wouldn't hurt to message once more.

The replies to this made me laugh a little. My poor psychiatrist years ago got all kinds of garbled emails and voicemails and he replied every time. Therapists / psychologists / psychiatrists have seen a LOT. The OP's message was very "normal" and nothing to worry about.

I don't think the message is that bad. You have therapy, hopefully the therapist knows who you are and who Peter. It's not over familiar considering the situation.

I think I just read sessions were paid for by work. Maybe she only works in that capacity.

How did your final session end?

She should do you the courtesy of replying though. Dear @Notmollybutdolly I'm very sorry but I don't see clients privately. I see those referred by yada yada. I wish you all the best.

If you've ever had any form of therapy and get a shit therapist, then you'll understand that a connection really does mean a lot.

I had a bloody doozy in my early 20s. I swear he more fucked up than me.

From experience I can tell you if she has a Gmail address they are an absolute nightmare for putting important messages in Updates or other random folder!

I suggest sending her another message but make it clear you want to work with her again and give a suggested re-start date based on when you can afford sessions. She is running a business and needs to balance her client load. People can be hugely entitled and will often hint at wanting reduced fees or free sessions. I will signpost them to free therapy but I don't provide it!

There’s nothing wrong with the tone of your message but you’re not in therapy. Neither of you are collaborating or committed to the process. The therapist should have better boundaries and be creating a more consistent environment. I’m not surprised that you’ve ended up in a situation where they haven’t responded. It could be for many reasons. They’re deliberately not responding to you because they’re fed up and can’t put boundaries in. Or it’s counter-transference but neither of you will give yourself an opportunity to work it through. Either way this equals a bad therapy experience.

Therapy should be, at least, weekly. I know it’s expensive and a big commitment but anything less is a waste of your time and money. It takes a really long time to develop a therapeutic relationship. I only see clients fortnightly if I have been seeing them for a significant amount of time (at least a year). I usually do it as a response to a change in their situation - financial difficulties, scheduling issues. I make it clear that there are limitations to working fortnightly. It becomes a check in, deeper work is harder to do. But we have the foundation of having worked together for some time so we give it a go. 9 times out of 10 a client who goes fortnightly changes their mind within in a month and goes back to weekly or takes a decision to end therapy.

you’re wasting each others time here. Everyone needs a therapist with good boundaries. This therapist doesn’t have them.

I don’t think there was anything wrong with your message and the therapist should have responded. The relationship between a therapist and client is not a standard business relationship.
I would assume they either missed the message or aren’t very professional.