To want to hear from DH during the day?

[whitth]

He isn’t a surgeon or pilot or anything, but he is away most of the day (7am - 7pm) and sometimes stays overnight. Last night he stayed over and he rang briefly but then all today I’ve heard nothing; no idea when he’s back, even if he’s back.

AIBU to feel he could send me the odd message, just to let me know he’s thinking of me?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

I am a stay at home mum of two preschoolers and DH is a busy professional (no overnight stays though). I’d say 4 days out of 5 in the working week he will message me to see how my days going. I often send pics of the DC - which he always responds to when he has a minute.

Being at home with small children is lonely and sometimes I don’t talk to another adult all day. I get why you crave small interactions from DH.

Me and my husband have always caught up during the day though. Before I had kids I had an office job and we would try and Time our lunch breaks so we could talk on the phone.

I get some jobs prohibit communication like you mention surgeons etc, but if his job is not something like that presumably he gets some kind of break during the day where he could send a 10 second text? I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

maybe I’m needy too though 😆

Previously? NHS, private insurance companies, an oil company, large construction ones, a loss adjuster - seemed pretty across the board to expect people to work hard for free for a lot less than I'm paid now.

Anyhow, the only time I'd have been expected to text during the day was when I was with the ex who was obsessed with the idea I'd shag some random bloke at work or on the way back from the bus stop. Fortunately not been anywhere near someone with that level of crazy since about 2010, though.

He should have the courtesy to let you know logistics of things like coming home, and he should have acknowledged something important like a child in hospital.

Wanting idle chatter is unreasonable. He's being paid to focus on a job, not maintain emotional needs at home.

You need to structure your day so you add points of human contact if you're lonely.

If I was an employer I’d be mightily pissed off at personal messages on work time. Possibly because when I started working there were no mobile phones, no personal calls allowed unless in an emergency.

I couldn’t be with someone so needy and controlling that they need me to check on them. Dh used to be one week uk, one week abroad, sometimes different time zones. I got on with it with 2 small children.

The only thing I think YABU is when your dc was admitted. I’d have left a message with dhs secretary or he mine if we couldn’t get in touch with each other.

YANBU

Me and DH always message each other during the day…..be it a little chat, sharing funny memes or sending each other photos etc. It’s just nice.

When I'm at work I wouldn't have the mental space or time to be texting all day asking how someone is it sounds like you are lonely and should probably try to build your network rather than relying on dp.
However when he's finished work and away overnight he should be calling to check in/ask about your day etc.
I find it bizarre a nurse commented this they see many people who live alone or are single parents so I don't get why they would be quizzing you

I have said yabu unreasonable but I don’t think yabu about all of it. I would be furious about the hospital situation. You need to know that in an emergency he is contactable and dh and I would be having serious words if he had done that.
Day to day it’s not reasonable to be annoyed you don’t tell through the day and I say this as someone who regularly does talk/text dh during the day but lots of days it isn’t possible because either one of us can be too busy and don’t have an expectation of being in contact. Neither of us have jobs where it is possible to be in contact all the time.

The toddler days can be relentless and lonely remember them well so while yabu unreasonable I do understand how you’re feeling.

That does sound shit. DP does two days out the house with a long commute, he’s away 6.30am to 8/8.30 generally – later if there’s a work do – but he’ll always let me know from the train what time the cavalry is arriving, and also checks in after the nursery/school run each way that they’re all OK and no shenanigans.

To be honest though, aside from the “I’m on my way – eta X o’clock” text I don’t need the other ones! Having to answer that the kids’ heads haven’t fallen off en route is just an extra bit of faff on already-faffy days. On days when he’s handling them both I don’t expect an update and I don’t check in – I assume he’s busy and I know I am.

Dh works long days, we don’t speak during the day unless it’s something important but he would let me know if he was going to be later than usual. When he works away we talk on the evening and he chats to the kids. I wouldn’t accept him checking out when it suits him.

Sounds rubbish. Luckily DH and I just call each other because we like to. Takes 5 minutes at most and brings a smile to my face.

I’m sorry, but this isn’t normal. All the posters defending him, it isn’t normal.

What sort of father and husband ignores messages from his wife about their child that’s gone into hospital?!

What sort of person doesn’t tell him wife when and if he’s coming home from work?

You’re absolutely not wrong OP. Despite the vehement messages you seem to have received here.

He’s totally checked out of family life and uses his ‘big important job’ as an excuse. But seeing as much of the time he’s ignoring you he’s not even working, it simply doesn’t stand up.