Anonymous noise complaint about my baby playing

[StressedOutMama15]

Hello!

I’m a new mum to a gorgeous 10 month old, happy, baby. She has just started making excited squeal sounds when she plays or if she wants my attention if I’m cracking on with chores and she’s playing independently. I always respond to her and distract her with a different toy and when I’m out and about and she makes these screaming sounds I always apologise to everyone around.

This evening when my partner came home, he found a letter in the hallway (from an anonymously neighbour) complaining about the noise my baby makes when she’s playing and claiming they “cant take much more”. This is the first complaint from any neighbour we’ve had. Our neighbours are generally quite friendly so this shocked and upset me as you can imagine.

Our DD sleeps from around 8pm until 9am solid and we spend most days out with friends or at my mums. I’m very upset by this letter and I feel like I’m now walking on egg shells in my own home! I live in a small terraced house on a busy main road so there’s usually a lot of noise anyway, I didn’t realise her shrieks were that disruptive.

Am I being the a$$hole..? Any advice on how to limit a baby scream when she’s excited? I feel bad telling her to “shhh” when she’s just trying to talk and doesn’t know how else to!

MNHQ removed photograph of note at request of OP as it was potentially highly identifying

Yes just tell them they need to move as your child will make more noise as she gets older and you are planning to have move.

Since when did it become unacceptable to play with your child?
Are all babies now expected to be seen and not heard, plonked in front of a screen?
Just recently there was a thread about parents ignoring their child on a tube (?) because they were too busy on their phones!
Antisocial noise is between 11pm-7am in most areas. That generally doesn't include noise babies make AFAIK.

Ignore the note, don't interact less with your baby. You are doing a great fine job @StressedOutMama15 🏵

Your neighbours are bu, it's normal baby noise a few hours during the day, l would just ignore as it's an anonymous letter, they can sound proof their property or better still move to a detached property if normal neighbours noise bother them that much.

It does sometimes feel very hard to win with this stuff. The line between being a neglectful parent that ignores your kid and being an indulgent performance parent who lets them make too much noise can seem pretty paper thin. What people seem to actually want is children who make no noise and require no entertainment at all.

Apart from a game that involved loud screaming, I've never been bothered by the noise made by the kid next door.

Sorry you are having to go through this OP. Having experienced something similar when mine were little, i feel annoyed on your behalf.

No-one should be made to feel intimidated in their own home, nor should baby's development and joy be stifled due to some twatty neighbour.

Believe me, if you don't nip it in the bud now the noise complaints won't stop there.
The inevitable toddler tantrums to come, future playdates..... etc...

Please do as several others have suggested and put a polite note through your neighbours letterboxes. Will be interesting to see if anyone bites.
X

Normally I don't respond to these but this one had me going I had to create an account! We had the same issue with our daughter when she was around the same age but our downstairs neighbours response was to bang on the ceiling and shout "shut the eff up!" Repeatedly. He also repeatedly bangs if he feels the girls are running around. My girls do not run around. My four year old asks me before she even jumps in the house and always checks if the neighbours car if there before doing anything. My 2 year old can be heavy footed, but she's not at the age where she can understand yet. Anyway I would try and have a conversation with the neighbour in question before this gets out of hand. If it does get out of hand,we had to contact citizens advice and they went to the anti social behaviour unit of the council for us which helped a bit. Citizens advice told us that actually what My neighbour was doing was classed as harassment and we could have gone to the police if we wanted. You're neighbour needs to understand that children make noise.

how nasty, I am in a terraced house and next door have 3 under 5 and yes, there is noise and the baby does seem to cry quite loudly. But I would never in a million years moan about it or put a note through the door. Most of the time I like to hear their laughter and having brought up a child I understand that they do make a noise. If there was screeching round the clock I would be concerned and might knock and ask if things are ok, but the day to day sounds of a baby playing is perfectly fine.

It seems this neighbour is out of touch with normal healthy baby behaviour and sounds.

I have no problem with the noise children make when playing but is this screeching the type that is suddenly let out and makes everyone around jump out of their skin.
My dc were loud and I let them be as loud as they liked (no neighbours). But one thing I did tell them was not to screech.

Dd did start to do it and I had to tell her to not make that sound.
She only did it a few times, whether that was because I had said no to her or she just wasn’t that bothered/grew out of it quickly but I really couldn’t have coped if she had done it regularly for any length of time
It actually triggered anxiety in me

Normal playing I have no issue with but high pitched screeching even from my own dc I couldn’t take

I think you need to ignore the miserable letter and go about your business you can't control kids

Well, not if they were there first

I imagine the OP's baby isn't a problem but you can't expect people who have lived in their homes for years to move because of troublesome neighbours

I didn’t realise her shrieks were that disruptive.

Shrieking and screaming are disruptive, particularly from a baby/small child.

Humans are programmed to react instinctively to a shriek or a scream - they're noises that tell us that someone is in danger. It's why children are taught early (or should be) not to scream (story of the boy who called wolf, anyone?).

Your neighbour can obviously hear the screams and thinks your child is in danger. They're not to know she's just paying. It might be upsetting and disturbing for your neighbour.

This person is mentally ill, bonkers or totally kids hater. You have to learn to ignore such people. Baby's voices are very very tiny ( is the post real???) - there is nothing sweeter than a baby trying to talk or laugh

Honestly there’s something wrong with people who will complain at the sound of a baby playing. Yes children are loud and can shout and scream and run around and have noisy toys etc. however if they don’t want to hear other people living their lives then they need to live in a detached property.

My first house was an old terraced one with no insulation or soundproofing between walls. We had a deaf elderly man on one side. If we were watching TV we could have our sound muted as his was so loud! After his wife died, he moved into a retirement home and we got a young couple instead. Very quiet, weird in a way, after the constant TV! Then they had a baby and the place came alive again through the walls. It was lovely!
I would ignore the letter. You can't insist on a baby being quiet.

My 13 month old is currently going through his happy squealing when playing phase & I love it 😄 it makes me so happy to see him so happy & if that’s how he wants to express it before he can talk then so be it 😁

if it is the neighbour you think it is, do they forget what they’re children were like when so small. Or were they not allowed to make noise?

& surely it’s not all day long as your baby naps or like you say you go out! I’d honestly just ignore the letter, it’s not like it’s all hours of the night. And after all it’s a baby happily playing. Not like you’re leaving her scream in a tantrum for hours on end!

A little baby getting excited and people just want her to shut up. God this world sucks.

She sounds fine, she will grow out of it soon, your neighbours need to grow up a bit. This is normal child noise at sociable hours. Please don't squash your kid by refusing to let her make normal happy sounds. This doesn't deserve your attention OP.

Honestly OP I'd just treat this as a joke. This is normal household noise it's not antisocial behavior so don't give it headspace. This is their problem not yours. No way would I be shushing a small baby doing normal baby things in her own home. What would they have done if you'd have had a colicky baby who cried all the time?

What an unpleasant comment!

Baby voices are very tiny??? Have you ever had a baby? Quiet does not fit the bill. They are babies, they will be noisy.

I was in a cafe having brunch a couple of weeks ago and there was a baby standing on her father's lap and emitting really ear-piercing shrieks. I'm not noise sensitive but it was like a needle stabbed in my ear. Never heard anything like it. Surprised all the glasses didn't shatter. The mother and the baby's siblings all flinched and put their fingers in their ears and the mother made the father leave his meal and take the baby outside. Whoever said baby's have little tiny voices has never had a baby.

I have read this thread from the perspective of a parent and grandparent. Obviously, I have experienced every noise under the sun from my children and grandchildren, as have most people. It has always been important to me to consider how the children’s noise might affect my neighbours and I did my best to keep things bearable noise-wise when they were young, and later with record players etc.
Years ago, our immediate neighbours had three young children and I remember sitting in the garden with my husband one afternoon listening to them racing about and laughing. We remarked on the fact that it was lovely to hear them as they were obviously very happy. Thinking back, I don’t remember resenting the fact that our peaceful cup of tea in the garden was anything but!
But, all these years later, I have just had a thought. What about people who, for whatever reason don’t have children and haven’t experienced the joy they bring, (and the noise)! How must they feel when they are trying to have a quiet snooze, but can’t? It must be frustrating, particularly if they wanted children but were unable to have them.
There is no way to please everyone. All people can do is try to consider how their various noises affect people and try to keep the volume down.
It’s hard.

I lived in a detached property in the 70s and 80s. Any noise we heard was when the neighbour’s children were playing in their gardens. Living detached didn’t really help then. We didn’t mind it at all though. It was good to hear them enjoying being kids. In those days, they didn’t spend their time glued to one screen or another, not like now. Children had fun outside, making dens, riding bikes, playing group games etc. Everywhere seemed so alive!
I wish those days could come back.

Where did it mention 10pm??