Anonymous noise complaint about my baby playing

[StressedOutMama15]

Hello!

I’m a new mum to a gorgeous 10 month old, happy, baby. She has just started making excited squeal sounds when she plays or if she wants my attention if I’m cracking on with chores and she’s playing independently. I always respond to her and distract her with a different toy and when I’m out and about and she makes these screaming sounds I always apologise to everyone around.

This evening when my partner came home, he found a letter in the hallway (from an anonymously neighbour) complaining about the noise my baby makes when she’s playing and claiming they “cant take much more”. This is the first complaint from any neighbour we’ve had. Our neighbours are generally quite friendly so this shocked and upset me as you can imagine.

Our DD sleeps from around 8pm until 9am solid and we spend most days out with friends or at my mums. I’m very upset by this letter and I feel like I’m now walking on egg shells in my own home! I live in a small terraced house on a busy main road so there’s usually a lot of noise anyway, I didn’t realise her shrieks were that disruptive.

Am I being the a$$hole..? Any advice on how to limit a baby scream when she’s excited? I feel bad telling her to “shhh” when she’s just trying to talk and doesn’t know how else to!

MNHQ removed photograph of note at request of OP as it was potentially highly identifying

Send it back with the spelling mistakes corrected. 😌

I'd write a note back saying that your baby is shrieking in response to the noise they make cooking, and request they keep their cooking noises down because you can't take another day of it.

If they want to be unreasonable match their energy

Photocopy the letter and attach your own reply to it " not sure if it was you who sent this letter, I've spoken to the midwife and she's confirmed that my child's shrieking is developmentally normal and therefore I shouldn't be stifling her development by trying to stop her from shrieking. You can easily find ear plugs or estate agents online"

This, surely for them to substantiate their claim of all day they must never be leaving the house.... or you for that matter?
Honestly pay no heed to it, or the posters who are telling you to stop interaction with your developing baby!

From the note I read it as you are the one deliberately encouraging your baby to shriek so do they mean it’s you that’s making the noise shrieking at your baby? Not sure why they wrote anonymously as it’s obviously your adjoining neighbours

great Idea! Then you can really turn it into tit for tat when they start playing loud music while your baby is sleeping to get their own back.

Ignore.

Idiots.

They are indeed accusing the OP of encouraging the baby to shriek. That's why it's clear that the note is from someone who has lost touch with reason.

I do agree with some of this op.

You have done nothing wrong and I can see entirely that you’ve been rightly enjoying your little one and her development - esp as you mention you worried about possible late talking, so it’s very natural to be embracing her communication attempts.

However those comments together with your ( lovely!) description of these noises and your evident delight in them did give me the impression that you have maybe been inadvertently exacerbating it, as at that age they will repeat behaviours that get a positive reaction. Of course you should respond, but I think a couple of other posters have mentioned techniques they used to channel the communication attempts away from squealing and I think it might be worth playing round with some approaches along these lines.

Fwiw mine were not really squealers and yet talked early so I don’t think lots of loud squealing is a prerequisite for good speech development. I liked the idea of responding with a word ( modelling a low, soft, controlled tone of voice) like “mama, mama” and see if you can channel her attention and exuberance that way. I think that might also help with the impression that you are “ encouraging “ her. I mean in a way you still would be (!) ( or at least channelling her attempts) but it might be less inflammatory than an excited response from you.

It’s so easy to be very delighted with our own little ones but it will naturally become less enchanting for others much sooner and I think as parents we all need to be aware of that ! We were in a restaurant a while back and there was an extended family at a nearby table. At one point their toddler (18 months or so) got off the chair and pulled the napkin from around her neck, dumped it on the table and said VERY loudly; “Cassie all done!” It was very cute and I think all the diners thought so. The family all roared with delighted laughter and it was sweet. But the problem was that then the little girl decided to repeat it … and repeat it … every time getting a loud and delighted response from the family - some of them repeating it back to her - and needless to say the rest of the diners had less tolerance. It started to be really disruptive and quite annoying.

I don’t for a minute suggest you stop encouraging her, but it’s maybe worth considering if possibly you could give a different response. You can still be kind and gentle, but I don’t think it’s too early to start showing that we can communicate in a more controlled voice. Of course she might not yet have that control, but I’d make a point of modelling it.

Beyond that, I think the photocopied letter idea to all neighbours is a good idea. I’d keep it polite, mention that those times don’t actually fit with her waking times, mention you are going to try to respond in a way that calms it ( there’s no harm in looking able to take it on board) but that ultimately it’s perfectly natural and you cannot gag her. Then suggest they speak to you like a grown up directly if they still have an issue. Like other posters, I bet no one does!

I’m going to go against the grain here but shrieking shouldn’t be encouraged at any age.

i can’t bare it at soft play when young girls and it is mainly girls do high pitch shrieks which are like nails down a blackboard to me!

encourage her to babble, mum mum mum type noises, the make noise and play freely but shrieking as you yourself have described it isn’t pleasant for anyone to have to listen to and perhaps they for whatever reason find it offensive.

For them to have taken the time to write the letter they are obviously very frustrated and you may have your precious first born goggles on and think everything is cute but others don’t.

like I say happy play noises are lovely, but you yourself describe it as shrieking and that’s another matter

Wait until she's a toddler!
These people need to accept they bought a house with neighbours. They should move somewhere secluded in the countryside if normal baby sounds make them write anonymous notes.
They don't get to dictate to a baby.

Also really poor to be anonymous!

I’d take it with a pinch of salt and not go out of your way to help them.

My new neighbours moved in next door (1920s apartments) and their baby was inconsolable. It cried for hours on end and they were constantly singing loudly to it. Their bedroom is right behind mine so I heard it all and wore noise cancelling headphones a lot/went outside a lot. I told them it was fine - it’s a baby! It couldn’t help it and I felt awful for them.

Fast forward to me having my own baby, who barely cried - maybe for 10 minutes a day interspersed throughout the day - in a room on the other side of my apartment. We were out a lot too.

They complained to us about the noise of her crying and said it was disruptive to their baby. Including for a few days when we were all actually in the hospital…

They also made an official noise complaint about the cafe they chose to buy an apartment directly above - because their customers ‘woke up their baby’.

People can be insane when it comes to noise.

Hi.
I am definitely not a journalist. And certainly not for the Daily Mail.
But I am just interested in your comment.
Do you think this baby is crying because they have seen the Meghan Markle show? Or might the baby be concerned about immigrants moving in next door?

(I wish they wouldn't be this obvious on these threads, but there we are...)

Sadly, no teenager that I have met in 20 years can write as well as that. Most are barely legible. And that's in the selective schools. Handwriting is a dying art. I literally went and bought 2 calligraphy books that I am going to do with my 13 yo in the holidays ( he's super thrilled😂) I will do one, and he the other. If that note is written by a teenager if I was in the UK I would move my child there pronto. I'm guessing well-educated man in their early 50's. Actually ; no full stop, and the use of wild , closer to 40. They also say "driving us ALL crazy" , so more than 2 people so it's a family.

I thought maybe it was a teenager, especially due to the use of 'wild' but - would a teenager say 'for the love of God'? That doesn't seem very teenager to me. You never know though. The problem with Anon notes is that you can't take it up with anyone to discuss or sort.

I’d send a letter back and state the babies bedtimes and the fact you are out of the house a lot. But it’s normal noise, why should you stop playing with your baby because they don’t like it. There is nothing they can do, it’s hardly excessive. Sending a note like that about a young baby laughing / developing is pretty shit neighbour behaviour.

The parent of the teenagers wrote that

No teenager would say that. Definitely the mother of the house.

I absolutely hate the time we live in. The village that helps you raise a chile where the hell are you. Not only there is such a limited support for new mums also you get people like your neighbours who are after you . Awful. Please ignore the note. You baby is entitled to make everyday living noise in their own home. You cannot train a 10 months old baby what has this world come to.

I hope our neighbours get a very loud baby , as at the moment the lady is pregnant and she hits the ceiling with a broom each time my kids play on the carpet in their own room for 1 hour before sleep time. We are out of the house from 7 till 17 . They are not happy we moved in and wrote a first letter the very first night we moved in (we didnt even get a change to settle the letter claimed our noises have ruined their life) ! I actually had to go and say 'well you could have rented both flats if you needed no noises at all". Just after 3 hours of us moving into a new place ! Some people are just nuts and hate children.

My next door neighbours are very noise sensitive and are constantly coming round complaining about noise we just aren’t making (banging noises, low humming noises, music etc). Not only is it not us making these noises, we can’t hear them ourselves despite the fact we live in a terraced house and they are apparently “unbearable”. So some people are nuts.

I wouldn’t send anything back to the neighbours which in any way acknowledges that your child is making a noise because they could use this “admission” to escalate matters against you. I might be inclined as others have said to copy the letter and post it back to the neighbours with a short note saying

”I was surprised to receive this anonymous note through my door yesterday, not least because my baby is not even in the house during most of the daytime hours listed and not awake during the nighttime hours. If anyone in your household is the sender of the note, please could you make yourself known, so that we can discuss any mutual concerns about sound travelling between our properties. An anonymous note is not a good way to solve a genuine problem whilst maintaining good neighbourly relations and so I am formally asking that if the letter came from your household that you not send any more of these. If any further poison pen letters of this nature are received I will have no alternative but to make a formal report to the police to ensure that this harassment is on record from the outset and can be investigated”

Honestly what are they expecting you to do. Children make noise. They are lucky they didn't live next to me when my son was a baby he actually did scream and cry all day for months on end. Our neighbours were incredibly supportive they knew we were doing our best.

Letter seems to be complaining more about you encouraging your baby OP.

I remember well my dd1 going through this screeching phase and people actually tutting at the supermarket. It is a phase but obviously irritates some.

This anonymous letter is a cowardly way to communicate and I suspect the letter was a joint effort with teen helping to dictate and an adult writing it.

I would have to respond in your shoes tbh. Photocopying and posting it back by saying that now the issue of noise has been raised, you would appreciate the author not hiding behind a nameless note as you have complaints of your own.

Throw it back at them.

Stop doing things that encourage the baby to shriek, i.e shrieking at the baby yourself in response or encouragement, surprising baby. Speak in a normal tone yourself, and refrain from whooping etc.

Excessive noise can cause an extremely unlivable environment, even mental health issues, especially if someone has sensory issues to begin with. Some noise is unavoidable, some noises arn't. It doesn't seem to me like this is unavoidable notice, you enjoy your baby's shrieking and so encourage it in play. Stop doing that.

We should be mindful of others around us, and have empathy for them. Your child will need to learn empathy as they get older, but they can only do it if you do first and model it. You may as well start learning now... A lot of other posters in this thread should start now too.

Ignore it. Your baby sounds like she is very happy and shrieking with delight! It will just be a phase and pass soon. If I was the neighbour that wrote that letter I would be feeling very embarrassed and ashamed. She’s just a baby! They need to get a grip.

It’s one of your attached neighbours for certain.

Id knock and ask both politely if they wrote the letter and explain it’s not your baby that they can hear? It does seem odd though…