My adult ds being in contact with his df after dv

[GaryTheGoat]

So left former partner who was dv to me (multiple occasions) when ds was 6, took my ds after knocking me out. Police involved looking for my ds as kidnap risk, this was in 1990’s. Ds is now in 30’s has settled life with own dcs. Ds now in touch with his dad. AIBU to be upset about this or should I suck it up?

Does ds know everything about the dv?

Ds is aware of dv.

It worries me as ds has 2 DDs.

I am sorry you experienced that.

Ultimately, I don't think it's surprising he is curious about his dad.

For your son's sake - I hope he has changed. If he hasn't, he will learn that soon enough.

I don't think it would be fair to guilt trip him over this (not saying you will but he did not choose his dad).

Ds grew up with me…I’m trying to be the bigger person and objective but it does hurt me tbh.

Give it 3 months op.

Ds will be in that phase of 'oh look I have a dad and isn't he marvellous' and your ex will put his mask up for a few months and he'll play the doating great man who was denied the chance to be a dad to his wee lad but eventually it'll slip and he'll show his true colours and ds will go 'eh what a twat. Don't know why I bothered' and move on.

Seen it happen so many times.

My brother's dad was extremely violent and abusive.

My brother got in contact with him in his early 20's - he was in contact with him for about 2 years all in and saw him for what he was. But at least he knows for himself now - there is no what ifs. He can never level anything at my mum from preventing him from seeing his dad.

It is going to feel horrible atm but if he is still an abusive arsehole he will reveal himself soon enough.

Tbh main concern is my gd’s and his partner, I don’t think it’s gone beyond social media so far. I worry about all the females. I don’t think they have met. My dd, his dsis showed me fb page where he is posting pics, dd has nothing to do with him,

Ds told me his dad had died…now active fb posts of ds dcs on it.

It felt like my heart was ripped out from me when my ds was missing when his dad took him. I know this was in the 90’s. But I’m sure many mums get it.