School playing down sexual assault on son

[CallawayV]

Sorry for long post-

My son came home last night worried about some conversations happening in his class and the actions and words of two boys. These kids are 10. Boy A is talking about putting women in the back of vans and raping them or handcuffing them up and raping them. And then he talks about the “white goo that comes out your penis”. He’s also talked explicitly about sex acts that he says he’s seen on Onlyfans! Then Boy B joins in these conversations and describes sex acts.

The worst is, the other day, while my son was in the playground drawing with chalk on a wall, Boy B pushed him up against the wall and starting humping him from behind and make groaning noises (imitating sex). Other boys joined in despite my son telling them to get off him. Then he said Boy B grabbed him hard between the legs and it made my son yell out.

he’s described boy A and B imitating touching each other’s privates with toys in the playground and making weird noises.

Last night I told my son to stay away from the boys and i reported all this to the school this morning as im worried for my son but also what these kids have access to at home.

Ive just had a call from the school thanking me for the information and saying it has been logged but they can’t tell me any more - I understand that. But then they said my son’s teacher said he does “seek these boys out” and isn’t staying away from them like I asked. I feel like they’re trying to make it sound like my son’s fault!

I got I bit annoyed at that and asked what action would be taken about Boy B who pinned my son against a wall and grabbed his privates because if that had been a girl it happened to, I think there would be consequences. I was basically told they could have a member of staff with my son at play times but they assumed I wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it for him and make him stand out! And all they offered was for his teacher to talk to him about staying away from these boys. I said no as that’s the same teacher who said he seeks them out so I’m worried the conversation will make my son feel like it’s his fault.
AIBU to think the school should be protecting my son and that the boys doing and saying these things are the ones who should have a member of staff with him? I feel I’ve given the school info and the ones who will get the support are the kids doing this (that’s fine they need it) while my son gets viewed as a problem rather than a victim who also requires support???
do any teachers/safeguarding staff have any insights on how they think this matter should be dealt with. Is my school doing the right thing?

No they’re not. I’d ask the school for a written plan to keep your child safe that doesn’t disadvantage him in any way. If they think staff supervision is needed they should supervise the other boys, if they think they all need separated it’s the other boys who get moved.

I would arrange a meeting with the HT and the safeguarding lead, I’d be asking what actions they’ve taken to address the safeguarding concerns you’ve raised and how they plan to keep your child safe. I’d want a written record of the meeting. I’d also draw clear parallels between what happened to your son and how that would have been addressed if it had been a girl. Schools are too quick to dismiss it as boys being boys but it’s harmful and needs addressed.

I had similar with my son when he was in Yr 5. It became an almost daily occurrence for him to be sexually touched by another boy in his class. I reported to his teacher, head teacher, safeguarding, governors. Nobody cared because the other boy had ADHD and they said they have a plan in place to help him but had to work on it, in the meantime my son continued to suffer and started to refuse to go to school.
I actually got desperate and rang child line one evening. They had social services and the police at the school the following day and it was all dealt with, but I'd lost my trust in the school and moved my son somewhere else.

I would go to social services, the police and Ofsted.

This is deeply worrying and shows you how damaging porn is to boys minds.

This.

I would also contact the police. Your son was assaulted at school. These kids are clearly being exposed to pornography at the very least, which is also child abuse.

I would consider involving the police and they should be involving social services.

This is about a 10 year old boy watching p*rn and re-enacting what he has seen on other children.

It's NOT ok for this to happen and the school's response is also not OK. My school (secondary) have just given a 5 day suspension to a Y8 boy who did something similar.

It’s called peer on peer abuse. Use the buzz word. It’s very serious and is a safeguarding issue. They need to be proactive in stopping it happening rather than victim blaming.

They're hoping you go quietly while they try to deal with the boys. I get it, they've a lot to deal with but your child shouldn't be subject to a trial and error approach and obviously you need reassurance that he is safe.

Those 10 year old boys are being abused themselves in some way. Now they are unknowingly harming others. Report it to social services

I think I'd report this to the police tbh

Agree with others that you should contact the police. This happened to my daughter and two of the female teachers basically accused her of trying to get them into trouble. What that really meant was they didn't want any blemish on their 'outstanding school' status and were demanding collusion with their denial that all 70 children in the year 6 group were 'nice'. She developed PTSD as a result and is still dealing with the consequences of it now. Your son is lucky to have you advocate on his behalf no parent should be left feeling that protecting their child is a problem.

Definitely follow this up. Ask for a meeting with the head teacher.
If that isn’t satisfactory then send your concerns to the Safeguarding lead on the Govenors.
This is peer on peer abuse and the school HAVE to take it seriously.
EscalatIng it will also help boys A and B get the help they need. There is obviously abuse of some kind happening to one or both of them.

The boy talking about rape is being exposed to an abuser and vile material in his home environment. The police and social services need to be informed.

Look at the behaviour policy, and is it being followed, peer on peer abuse should be part of the policy.

Is he likely to go to secondary school with them?

This is what the school should be following
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66d7301b9084b18b95709f75/Keepingchildrensafeineducation2024.pdf

There are specific guidelines around managing sexualised behaviours from page 111 which discusses not minimising behaviours as they will be come normalised

And the end of the day your poor son has been sexually assaulted and I would consider that a police matter.

They’re 10.

Police.

Yep. Your poor son and poor you, how awful.

I would not put my child back into school until they could guarantee his safety. Also agree re contacting police and social services.

I've been thinking about this since I posted. Please do call social services and the council. Your son doesn't deserve this and these kids are quite likely being exposed to something too. I know it shouldn't come down to you to help the situation but if school aren't, you might be the only adult that is there for them and your son.

I'd definitely report to police. Your DC was sexually assaulted at school, you reported it to staff who dismissed it.

Police, Ofsted, Social Services, Governors (if applicable).

But I absolutely would remove my child from the school - today - and I would make damn sure they knew why.

Oh, and I would 100% be taking it further that a teach essentially said your son had 'asked for it' (so to speak) by 'seeking the boys out' because that is, essentially, what she implied in her words when you raised your concerns. That is despicable and there is no coming back from that IMO. She shouldn't be a teacher.

Absolutely report this to the police and social services. Your son was sexually assaulted. If adult men did what those boy did to your son they could face arrest.

And the other boys are being abused or neglected at home to be behaving that way.

10 years old!! I was horrified reading that as a mother of a 10 year old boy too.

All of the above, also boy A and B’s parents should be contacted, they NEED to be aware about the situation!