School playing down sexual assault on son

[CallawayV]

Sorry for long post-

My son came home last night worried about some conversations happening in his class and the actions and words of two boys. These kids are 10. Boy A is talking about putting women in the back of vans and raping them or handcuffing them up and raping them. And then he talks about the “white goo that comes out your penis”. He’s also talked explicitly about sex acts that he says he’s seen on Onlyfans! Then Boy B joins in these conversations and describes sex acts.

The worst is, the other day, while my son was in the playground drawing with chalk on a wall, Boy B pushed him up against the wall and starting humping him from behind and make groaning noises (imitating sex). Other boys joined in despite my son telling them to get off him. Then he said Boy B grabbed him hard between the legs and it made my son yell out.

he’s described boy A and B imitating touching each other’s privates with toys in the playground and making weird noises.

Last night I told my son to stay away from the boys and i reported all this to the school this morning as im worried for my son but also what these kids have access to at home.

Ive just had a call from the school thanking me for the information and saying it has been logged but they can’t tell me any more - I understand that. But then they said my son’s teacher said he does “seek these boys out” and isn’t staying away from them like I asked. I feel like they’re trying to make it sound like my son’s fault!

I got I bit annoyed at that and asked what action would be taken about Boy B who pinned my son against a wall and grabbed his privates because if that had been a girl it happened to, I think there would be consequences. I was basically told they could have a member of staff with my son at play times but they assumed I wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it for him and make him stand out! And all they offered was for his teacher to talk to him about staying away from these boys. I said no as that’s the same teacher who said he seeks them out so I’m worried the conversation will make my son feel like it’s his fault.
AIBU to think the school should be protecting my son and that the boys doing and saying these things are the ones who should have a member of staff with him? I feel I’ve given the school info and the ones who will get the support are the kids doing this (that’s fine they need it) while my son gets viewed as a problem rather than a victim who also requires support???
do any teachers/safeguarding staff have any insights on how they think this matter should be dealt with. Is my school doing the right thing?

This. Wtf is going on in this boys home / what is he being exposed to in order to behave like this / know what only fans is?!

Letting you know your son seeks them out is not making your son seem like the problem OP. It’s useful info for you and you can talk to your son about break and lunch times and who else he can play with.
I think the offer of an adult to keep an eye on your son is very kind of the school and shows they are being proactive about protecting him.
It’s not your business to know what they are doing about the other boys.
School are offering to protect your son and you are turning it down. That’s your choice.

Why have you got the idea that school thinks it acceptable?
School have said they will keep an eye on OP’s son to ensure he’s left alone.
School will have acted on the other boy’s behaviour but, quite rightly, will not give out confidential information about it to other parents.

You need to also balance what your son wants. If you go all guns blazing to police and he doesn't want this, it won't do much good as he might backtrack on what he said. It could result in him feeling like you didnt listen to him and will not come to you when he has a difficult situation in the future.

I would be very concerned at the child being exposed to porn at home, he needs intervention asap otherwise he is a dangerous loose cannon and it will continue, lord knows what he will be capable of by 14.

“Very kind”?! No, it’s the absolute bare minimum of doing their job. The number one duty of teachers is keeping children safe. It’s what is drilled into you during your training and every inset or CPD session from then on. Keeping children safe in school is the responsibility of everyone from the guy who mows the grass upwards. It is not an act of charity and it is the single most important aspect of the job.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to your son, and for how poor the school's response has been!

I would 100% call and report to the police. Also report to social services - safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and there is very clear evidence that these boys are accessing (or being shown) very sexually inappropriate material, at the very least.

In terms of the school, I agree with other posters about demanding a written plan re: safeguarding your son. Also agree that any actions taken should not be disadvantaging (or bringing attention to) your son. However that does not mean that NO action should be taken. The options shouldn't be that he has to act (e.g., avoid the other boys) or have attention brought to him (e.g., teacher in the playground) or nothing. That is completely inadequate, and a failure to prevent harm.

I think you should take the current safeguarding legislation into school and point out to them how they're failing all of the children in this situation. Minimising these behaviours, or failing to address them is specifically against the guidance - ESPECIALLY with his teacher essentially insinuating that he is seeking this out by not avoiding the boys.

Personally, I would also consider keeping my child off school until all of the above is addressed in a satisfactory way. His safety is no1 priority, and it might also be an action which makes all involved sit up and take it more seriously too.

I’d call the police and report to the social services, these boys are either be sexually abused or have access to adult programmes

Not ok.

Some schools seem very out of touch when sexual assault happens between same sex students.

My child was sexually assaulted for months by another child of the same sex at primary school.

If it had been boy to girl, they wouldn’t have been so dismissive.