To feel guilty that I have caused dd to have ADHD

[StruckbyLightening]

I feel really upset. I have epilepsy and have just found out that dd has ADHD. The consultant told us that there is a link between them, so technically I have very likely passed the gene down to her, meaning she was at a higher risk of ADHD because of me.
She doesn't have epilepsy, apparently, there is only a tiny chance of getting that from a parent.
I don't think I have ADHD (not certain as apparently it isn't uncommon for it to co-exist with epilepsy, so I may have/had a form of it as well). Now, thinking back, I believe it is very likely that one of my parents had ADHD which consequently led to a whole host of alarming issues later, ending in death.

I just feel so upset for dd, and the challenges she is having to face in life. I can't help but feel guilty, and that it is because of me.

This is really not worth worrying or feeling guilty over. You will be a better parent if you have a positive view of yourself and don't beat yourself up over things like this. I have had to tell myself this before, and other people have told me this, and it's important to remember.

If you think rationally, there is really nothing for you to feel guilty about. You have a condition and have now been told there's a link between that and another condition. It's not like you drank during pregnancy and your child has FASD.

Finally, I have ADHD myself. ADHD and autism run in my family. It's a challenge but it's a treatable condition. I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood; you've already put your daughter in a good position by having her assessed and diagnosed early. HTH

Armando Iannuchi has just discovered he’s got ADHD, he’s taking medication and can feel the difference. If he had been diagnosed sooner perhaps he wouldn’t have been as creative. Robbie Williams the singer is also diagnosed with ADHD, among other things, his creativity has definitely disappeared.

My daughter is dyslexic and being tested for ADHD as per her psychiatrist. My husband is also dyslexic as is his mother and two of his four siblings. He also presents with ADHD characteristics, up until all this information being available online I just thought his ways were different, but we’re all different. I’m uber organised, he isn’t, he has to work a lot harder on it, he’s a creative engineer though, we purely lived and saved off a royalty for 4 years due to his design.

If I was also dyslexic and ADHD we’d be in a fine old pickle. My mother in law most definitely has ADHD, her life is so chaotic and confusing, this was probably the reasoning when a court judge gave custody to her husband 55 years ago, all 4 children didn’t want to live with her, she’s hard work now at the age of 80. She has managed to buy a property in the Uk and abroad, but she never paid a penny for child maintenance, she’s not the only female I know to get away with this, it’s not just a male thing.

I was going to ask this too. I have epilepsy (which I knew about pre-kids) and ADHD (which I didn’t). I don’t believe either are a good reason not to have children, and as PP have said, you’ll be bringing all kinds of positives to her life that you’re not focusing on right now.

That said, this is a completely normal part of the adjustment process when you learn your child has some potential barriers ahead. It looks like my son has epilepsy too and I’ve been there. Be kind to yourself - this will pass 😊

On the flip side, some people with ADHD (like me) are obsessively organised and tidy. It’s the anxiety I feel over needing to keep everything organised that’s the issue rather than the chaos. I think it’s possible for at least some people with ADHD to stay on top of things, though it can comes at a cost.

I'm sorry you feel like this, and your feelings are completely valid, but please don't try to speak on behalf of all us with adhd. I have hyper focus and have found it incredibly helpful and positive through my life, and don't see it as a disability at all.

My DD is deaf - genetic as her Dad is deaf. She also has ASD which is genetic and from both sides. She is short-sighted = my side. She has flat feet, also me! We didn't "cause" her to be deaf, blind, flat footed and weird - it's genetic. The only option we'd have had was not to breed as none of these issues can be detected in utero.

It takes some re-adjustment following diagnosis and it is normal to feel very sad for your kid and for your life that things will be harder than they "ought" to be.

Firstly, there's no logic in feeling guilty for something that wasn't your fault. All parents pass genes to their children, often completely unknowingly, for countless different traits and conditions. That's just what having a child means.

Secondly, even if you'd known there was a risk that your child might have ADHD, would you have decided not to have any children for that reason? 'They might have ADHD' is really not a reason most people would consider in their decision to have kids or not, to be honest. It's a very, very common form of neurodivergence that millions of people have. It's not like you've passed on a terminal illness or a life-limiting disability. So I doubt it would have made any difference to your choices anyway. You need to be a lot more proportonate about this.

Cute hypothesis but completely simplistic and not correct. That sounds super patronising but I do not mean it to 😂

While research is ongoing and the exact mechanisms are not fully understood, there are several potential reasons why individuals with ADHD might have an increased risk of dementia:

1. Shared Risk Factors:

* Lifestyle Factors: ADHD is sometimes associated with lifestyle choices that are also risk factors for dementia, such as smoking, substance abuse, and poor diet. * Mental Health Conditions: ADHD often co-occurs with other mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, which have been linked to an increased risk of dementia. * Cardiovascular Issues: Some studies suggest a possible link between ADHD and cardiovascular problems later in life, which are known risk factors for dementia.

1. Brain Structure and Function:

* Prefrontal Cortex Differences: ADHD is characterized by differences in the structure and function of the prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain crucial for executive functions like attention, planning, and working memory. These same areas are often affected in the early stages of dementia. * Neurotransmitter Imbalances: ADHD involves imbalances in certain neurotransmitters, particularly dopamine and norepinephrine. These neurotransmitters also play a role in cognitive function and may be disrupted in dementia.

1. Medication Use:

* Stimulant Medications: Some research suggests a possible link between long-term use of stimulant medications for ADHD and an increased risk of dementia. However, this is still being investigated, and it's important to note that these medications can also have protective effects on cognitive function in some individuals.

1. Brain Iron Levels:

* Recent research suggests that altered brain iron levels could be a contributing factor to the increased dementia risk in individuals with ADHD. Studies have found higher levels of iron in certain brain regions of older adults with ADHD, which could potentially contribute to neurodegeneration. Important Considerations: * Correlation vs. Causation: It's important to remember that correlation does not equal causation. While studies have found a link between ADHD and dementia, it doesn't necessarily mean that ADHD directly causes dementia. * Individual Variability: Not everyone with ADHD will develop dementia. The risk varies depending on individual factors, lifestyle choices, and other health conditions. * Further Research Needed: More research is needed to fully understand the complex relationship between ADHD and dementia and to develop strategies for reducing the risk. If you have concerns about your risk of dementia, it's essential to talk to your doctor. They can assess your individual risk factors and recommend appropriate screening and prevention strategies.

Interesting that you definitely in a not patronising way what so every called the idea ‘cute’, dismissed it and yet (absolutely in a more eloquent way) showed exactly the correlation I was referring to in point 1. The ability to process and execute is exactly what I mean in the comparison to dementia, but as I said I’m not a scientist/neurobiologist. This thread isn’t really the platform for a deep dive, however I do think much more research needs to be done into longterm impact of ADHD as it’s not taken seriously as a brain/developmental difference at the moment.