To be annoyed DH went to his hobby

78 replies

Puttingchildrenfirst · 01/04/2025 20:16

Help me work out if I'm being a grumpy hormonal arse or if I'm right to be pissed.

Every Tuesday DD6 goes to a sports club after school. DH normally picks her up from school and drives her 30 minutes to the club, stays there for the 75 min club then comes back home. I work from home until 5 on a Tuesday and then go to pick up our youngest from Nursery.

After dropping DD home, DH goes to a sports hobby (think running club, crossfit etc. Not a group sport).

Today DH called at around half 1 to say that he was massively caught up at work and he needed me to take DD to her club. I told him this was literally the worst day this could happen as I was already drowning in work and was going to have to work late into the evening even without taking DD to her club to get on track. Sent lots of screaming emojis, then ran to pick DS up from Nursery before school run because the club would end after the Nursery closed for the day.

Grabbed DD from school, entertained DS during the club and raced home.

By the time we got home, DH has left for his club. He won't be home now until around 10.30pm.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have gone to his club tonight?! That he should have packed it in for one night, taken over the childcare duties and let me crack on with my work. That I sacrificed my time/work to help him out (#teamwork) but that I've not received the tiniest bit of help back??

To pre-empt some questions

I'm not wasting time on mumsnet instead of working, I'm sat in toddlers bedroom while he falls asleep.
yes in the grand scheme of things DD could have missed her club but it's a group sport, she's getting really good and she's made a commitment to attend.
I don't have to be logged in at specific times/active etc. Just have to get my work done whenever and however that works, and there's no slacking off because it's a lot of work to get done. So there will be no consequences for taking her to the club for me, just the loss of 3.5 hours of work time.
he absolutely knows how swamped I am with work today, I made that crystal clear both in text and over the phone that today could not be a worse day for this.

OP posts:

PullTheBricksDown · 02/04/2025 13:12

Is he habitually underestimating the time jobs will take or not building in a safety margin? And he doesn't realise because he thinks he can just get you to cover. It's that saying about under promising and over delivering. Sounds to me like he needs to add a couple of days onto his finish date as standard.

Tiswa · 02/04/2025 13:18

We have something similar although it is me that is self employed. DH has deadlines and meetings and has to work during the day whereas I can take the evening.
I think he needs to step up more than just the one evening you have a class IF you need to catch up on work due to other stuff.

The way this rights itself is him doing the next couple of evenings and understanding that is necessary if you need to catch up - not all the time but when appointments occur illness you stepping in as you did yesterday

Rainbowqueeen · 02/04/2025 23:30

Codlingmoths · 02/04/2025 07:46

It was a lie, what he said. ‘We will sort it’ . I’d say you told me we will sort it last night but that was a lie. You meant that you’re going to look after yourself and I’m on my own carrying your load and mine. Noted for future events, I won’t be flexing and massively adding stress to my day night and next day so you can get out of parenting and go rock climbing. That was bloody rude and disrespectful of you, I trusted we were a team but we are not and you need to earn that trust back.

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Spot on.

I'd also point out how sad you feel to realise that he does not have your back

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