Would you be comfortable with travel arrangements

[Terribletasteinmen]

Name changed as this is very obviously me to anyone that knows me!

Some background - My exH moved to another European country about 5 years ago, we have a now 15yo DD who lives with me and my DH in the UK. He sees her every 6/8 weeks or so normally. It’s all friendly other than usual ex annoyances!

My DD and her (also 15yo just) friend are joining them on holiday in France in the Summer. This involves a 2 hour train journey from where we live to London, tube to Eurostar, Eurostar to Paris, travel across Paris, then hour and a half train to destination in France.

He thinks they can do this all on their own and I’m babying them saying I’m totally uncomfortable with it. I’m happy to get them to the Eurostar in London if he gets them from Paris (I’m ok with them going on Eurostar on their own). He’s reluctantly agreed but is making me feel I’m being ridiculous / overprotective - at a push I might be ok with the England bit (but as it’s only me inconvenienced by that bit it’s not an issue) but not getting across Paris on their own. It just feels a bit too young still. AIBU?

It definitely depends on the airline.

Because I remember not being looked after at all on my flight.

The staff never asked me how I was once.

I don't think they should really let unaccompanied minors on flights.

They wouldn't let unaccompanied minors on a lot of other things.

Not relevant.

Why not exactly? In your esteemed opinion

The OP is talking about minors travelling alone

I talked about minors travelling alone.

So in fact it IS relevant

If he has agreed and reliably does meet them, then the reasonableness of them travelling alone does not arise.

I'm sure in France you're considered an adult at 15 or less!

Nope wouldn’t be happening. Push came to shove and they wanted to go and twat father didn’t want to meet them in Paris Imwould go on a day trip, Eurostar with them and put them on the next train in Paris and then Come home again via eurostar

What does your daughter think?

She’s not talking about minors traveling alone - she has clearly stated she has no issue with her DH and friend travelling alone to Paris.

Being alone on a plane is completely different to transiting across a busy city where you don’t speak the language and will stand out as a foreign child - Paris has some pretty grim crime stats and migrant problems and there’s no way my teen DD would be left to navigate that.

Well done you for being able to find your suitcase all by yourself and then your dad in a busy arrivals area - amazing 👏👏

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if it’s right or not you’re her mum and don’t think she should do it .
I travelled when I was 15 and my friend was 16 and we had a blast ( this is over 20 years ago now) but for some reason our parents were ok with it! You know your daughter and you have parental responsibility so you shouldn’t feel bad about your opinions or decision making. All I would say is that thesedays with mobiles and air tags you would be able to keep close tabs on her, but also I totally get it that you won’t want her to go that far .
My 16 year old son couldn’t be trusted 😂

Yeah, I think your plan sounds sensible. I mean, have either of them ever had to navigate their own way in the UK before that involved multiple modes of transport? I know bloody adults that wouldn't do it! Maybe you and your ex could let them take the lead on it whilst still being accompanied? And then they know for next time.

It would depend on their levels of maturity and the time of day. At 17 I interrailed across Europe with friends and made my way home to the Uk from Budapest solo. It was a great learning experience!

DD said she wouldn’t really want to do the France bit as she wouldn’t feel comfortable if anything went wrong - she’d rather me take them down to London to the Eurostar too but would be ok with coming home from London (well from Eurostar Paris) on own once she’d done the route there.

Paris is very big and busy, and personally I would only allow someone that age to navigate it alone if they spoke proper French and were used to big cities like London. A lot can go wrong and an adventure can quickly turn into a nightmare.

No - 15 is too young.

The tube/train bit would be fine, but not travelling across Paris unaccompanied. No way. I did that alone in my twenties and you really do need your wits about you.

have you looked up the nearest airport to holiday destination You might find there are reasonable flights ? The big companies still do UM.

I travelled on business to Paris and then onward in France by train, got on the train ok and then there was an announcement, in French, everyone else got off and I didn’t have a clue why, even with some basic French. I asked a fellow traveller and the platform had changed and another train was leaving earlier. A simple thing, but these types of thing happen all the time and at 15, even with a friend I think it would be too much. Of course google maps makes navigating cities so much easier but I still wouldn’t risk it.

At age 12. I think it is pretty amazing.

I'm saying that I didn't like it. I remember feeling terrified the whole way on the plane and at arrivals by myself.

No one else I knew at that age travelled on a plane by themselves.

As their parents were all still together.

I was just reading a celebrity's book. In it he wrote that he is still traumatised by flying as an unaccompanied minor at a very young age. I don't know why airplanes allow it.

Yeah but you’re saying you didn’t like it but then saying OPs DD should do it - and do something even more risky.

I was made to do it at age 12. I was still in primary school!

At age 15 , in secondary school, I would have been comfortable to travel with my friends.

However if the OP is not comfortable, I can absolutely understand that aswell.

Maybe go on the eurostar with your daughter, OP, and come back alone?

So your daughter will not be without an adult?

Are you reading OP’s posts? She’s ok with the train but - it’s the getting across Paris that’s the issue.

Again, missing the point. She has no issue with them taking the Eurostar alone.

I absolutely wouldn't allow a 15 year old to do that alone.
I agree with you, op.
Even the London Underground can be a challenge if you're not familiar with it!

I've reread it now..

So she's happy with them going across England alone.
She's happy with them going on the eurostar alone.
She's just not happy with them getting a train in paris alone.

Why? The language barrier?

Well he's agreed to pick them up anyway.

Well you have to say it is a bit confusing.

You'd think she'd either be OK with them travelling alone, or not travelling alone.

She's happy for them to travel alone (without an adult) across England. But she is not ok for them to travel alone across france.
It doesn't make much sense. Why doesn't she accompany them across England as well then?

The OP has asked her ex to do something , that she is not doing herself.

Read them again. The OP's posts are perfectly clear. Yours are contradictory and mostly irrelevant.

I wouldn't let them go across Paris, I'm with you. I find the Metro stressful now, let alone at 15! Teenagers have different levels of confidence and streetwise-ness. The ability to bat people away who hassle you isn't something I had at 15, for example. Trust your gut (and your daughter's!) on this one.

I am accompanying them across England?! It will take me longer to take them to London that it will take my ex to get them from Paris. I’m happy to do it.

Plus she knows London, has been there many times and speaks the language.