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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t believe my friend *[content warning: concerns child abuse]

65 replies

bloomerf · 31/03/2025 07:44

We’ve been friends since 12 were 26 now. My friend has been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years. I understand she’s and adult and will make her own decisions. This guy she has been dating who is not the bio dad to her son she has been letting him discipline him. I don’t mean take away his iPad I mean serious discipline.

The other day I spoke on the phone for a few and she told me she lets him discipline her son. She was upset with her bf because he made her 4 year old stand for hours in soiled clothes because he lied about peeing in the bed. I could not believe what the hell I was hearing. I don’t give input unless asked but what the actual fuck??

I have asked her what her plans are and she just keeps telling me she loves him and he’s a good guy. I’m sorry I’m so furious because to me that’s not acceptable. Am I too involved or is this shit like not ok???

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 31/03/2025 07:46

You need to safeguard that child. If it attends school, contact their safeguarding, if not then SS.

Justcallmebebes · 31/03/2025 07:47

Yes, please contact school. Poor lad

3WildOnes · 31/03/2025 07:47

That's not discipline, it's abuse. Speak to social services.

theDudesmummy · 31/03/2025 07:48

That is not "discipline ", it is flat out abuse. Also likely to get worse. You need to call SS today. You can do it anonymously if you want to.

Chuchoter · 31/03/2025 07:48

Call the police.

Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 07:49

I will be bc this is not normal AT ALL.

OP posts:
TheObligingSwan · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is one of the most distressing things I've ever read on MN. If you take this knowledge of blatant child abuse and do nothing with it, you are complicit in this child's abuse. This will not be an isolated incident either. That poor little boy.

tilypu · 31/03/2025 07:51

Oh yeah, that's a great way to ensure your kid feels ok to tell an adult when something goes wrong, and feel safe and supported.

I am really hoping this is a troll, because I am so sad for that scared little kid. You know what you need to do, op.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 31/03/2025 07:52

Bloody hell. Your friend needs to put her child first. That poor four year old will remember that for the rest of his life. It's not discipline, it's abuse. No four year old wees the bed for the hell of it.

Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 07:52

TheObligingSwan · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is one of the most distressing things I've ever read on MN. If you take this knowledge of blatant child abuse and do nothing with it, you are complicit in this child's abuse. This will not be an isolated incident either. That poor little boy.

i should have put trigger warning I apologize. I will be contacting SS I have also asked to get him which is normal he comes to my home a few times a month. This is not anything to take lightly.

OP posts:
Springforwardatlast · 31/03/2025 07:52

Oh gosh that reminds me of the poor boy who was murdered by his stepmother and his own father : one of the methods they used was making him stand for so.long in one place all the blood pooled in his lower legs. An absolutely cruel and dangerous punishment.
You must report this poor what us happening to your friend's poor child.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 31/03/2025 07:54

Yes, I'm hoping you're a troll too and that this is untrue. However, if you are telling the truth, you need to call social services or the boy's school TODAY and report this appalling abuse. Otherwise you are guilty of allowing it to continue.

Tenminutestogo · 31/03/2025 07:55

TheObligingSwan · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is one of the most distressing things I've ever read on MN. If you take this knowledge of blatant child abuse and do nothing with it, you are complicit in this child's abuse. This will not be an isolated incident either. That poor little boy.

Sorry OP, I agree with this. Adults do not get to ‘make their own choices’ about their partner abusing their child.

I would Inform the police and the school and social services ( and let them know I have contacted the others).

That child needs someone to safeguard him, and the person able to start that, is you.

Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 07:56

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 31/03/2025 07:54

Yes, I'm hoping you're a troll too and that this is untrue. However, if you are telling the truth, you need to call social services or the boy's school TODAY and report this appalling abuse. Otherwise you are guilty of allowing it to continue.

I will be contacting today this is not something I can allow. Hes just a baby

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 31/03/2025 07:58

I’d be speaking to social work about this one. The partner is abusive and his mum isn’t a protective factor in his life. I’d also suggest that this isn’t the worst of it, because we tend to not share the worst. There should be a duty number for children and families social work, I’d also speak to the safeguarding lead at school so they can keep an eye and work with social work.

Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 08:03

Jellycatspyjamas · 31/03/2025 07:58

I’d be speaking to social work about this one. The partner is abusive and his mum isn’t a protective factor in his life. I’d also suggest that this isn’t the worst of it, because we tend to not share the worst. There should be a duty number for children and families social work, I’d also speak to the safeguarding lead at school so they can keep an eye and work with social work.

I asked if more was happening she didn’t really want to answer. There’s no way this is all he is doing. It’s insane and I’m so pissed that she allowed it to happen to him. I will be contacting SS because he needs to be out of that house.

OP posts:
AliBaliBee1234 · 31/03/2025 08:05

This is quite often something you end up reading about in the news. This is abuse and although it puts you in a really difficult situation, you need to at least tell the school.

Edit: saw your update, well done for not turning a blind eye

JacqFrost · 31/03/2025 08:07

Yep that is pure abuse. Do the right thing and alert someone to what is happening.

SemperIdem · 31/03/2025 08:08

Agree with everyone else here and I’m relieved to see that you do too. Social services must be contacted to keep this poor little boy safe.

Do you think she has told you because she, irrespective of what she has said about loving the man, knows it is abuse and is possibly being abused herself, knows she needs help?

Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 08:09

AliBaliBee1234 · 31/03/2025 08:05

This is quite often something you end up reading about in the news. This is abuse and although it puts you in a really difficult situation, you need to at least tell the school.

Edit: saw your update, well done for not turning a blind eye

Edited

Our friendship will definitely be coming to an end but he’s more important than anything right now to me.

OP posts:
Therehastobemoretolife · 31/03/2025 08:11

I just want to give that little boy a cuddle 🥺

BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 08:12

Yeah, and your immediate response is not to say or do anything, but to wait several days and post about it on the internet.

Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 08:14

SemperIdem · 31/03/2025 08:08

Agree with everyone else here and I’m relieved to see that you do too. Social services must be contacted to keep this poor little boy safe.

Do you think she has told you because she, irrespective of what she has said about loving the man, knows it is abuse and is possibly being abused herself, knows she needs help?

I have offered to have them stay at my home. She says he will not hurt them, but I do not believe that. He’s not a good guy I do not trust him especially after this. I have to make sure he’s ok but I also want to call her parents and let them know as well. They both need away from this man.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomerf · 31/03/2025 08:14

BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 08:12

Yeah, and your immediate response is not to say or do anything, but to wait several days and post about it on the internet.

You said that because???

OP posts:
Elicitcoffee · 31/03/2025 08:15

I don’t want this child with any of the adults in this equation including the OP. Who comes to mumsnet to ask whether to butt out of very very evident and disturbing and serious abuse

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